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Old 09-16-2011, 11:11 PM   #1
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I have hit rock bottom. I need help

Hi everyone, this is my first post and I look forward to future discussions with each and everyone one of you! Here is sort of my story and what has brought me here.

I have played online poker for the last four years. I would like to think that I have gotten pretty good at it, but the inevitable losing streaks that come with it have caused me to go over the edge numerous times despite the fact that I am aware that these things happen.

Too make a long story short, my loss of control over these issues has resulted in the following damage:

First, when I had a desktop, I broke the stand to my monitor.

I have gone through dozens of mice and keyboards as the result of slamming it in rage.

I bought a laptop for cheap from my brother and bent the keyboard, two weeks later I cracked the laptop screen rendering it useless.

I threw a book at a wall and put a hole in it in the place I was living at the time I was in college and almost got evicted

Now you guys are really going to hate me. My Parents gave me a Macbook Pro as a graduation gift in May. I was well aware of my problem and vowed to be very careful around it. Like a fool, I continued to play online poker. While I did well at first, I started to become less appreciate of the Mac's value and the fact that my parents were kind enough to purchase one for me. After a very unfortunate run of cards in one tournament, I smashed the comptuer multiple times, once again bending the keyboard slightly.

Last night however, was the final straw for me, after struggling in the tournaments I was playing, I head butted my trackpad and cracked it. So here we are now, and I have a mess of a computer in front of me only 5 months after I received it.

As you can see, my anger has put me in a lot of deep holes that could easily been avoided. I have caused pain not only to my self but to my friends and family who have been nothing but patient with me, despite that, I have made no improvements on this problem. Interestingly enough, my anger has never caused me to physically harm people, only to objects.

In conclusion, here is what I have decided to do for now:

Withdraw the remaining funds from my online account and use it to buy a cheap net book. This will tide me over while I send my mac in to be fixed (glad I got the warranty!) so that I can continue to study for my graduate classes. Afterwards, I am taking a break from poker for a very long time if not permanently.

In any event, thank you for your time.

My name is Andrew, and I have an anger problem.

Last edited by Andrew758; 09-16-2011 at 11:14 PM.

 
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Old 09-18-2011, 05:07 PM   #2
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Re: I have hit rock bottom. I need help

Hi, Andrew. I'm Jane.

Congratulations on your decision to make a positive change.

If online poker is the only time you get explosively angry (or even just the main time) then quitting seems like the best decision for now.

Here's an idea: Take a computer part you broke and leave it in a visible spot. If you are tempted to play poker again, that should deter you. And of course, close off your poker account!

 
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Andrew758 (09-18-2011)
Old 09-18-2011, 06:28 PM   #3
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Re: I have hit rock bottom. I need help

Quote:
Originally Posted by janewhite1 View Post
Hi, Andrew. I'm Jane.

Congratulations on your decision to make a positive change.

If online poker is the only time you get explosively angry (or even just the main time) then quitting seems like the best decision for now.

Here's an idea: Take a computer part you broke and leave it in a visible spot. If you are tempted to play poker again, that should deter you. And of course, close off your poker account!
Thank you for your response Jane. I would say the root of my anger goes farther than just poker and involves anything with a competitive. I have gotten myself in trouble when I get angry over football games and arguments as well. Although those are not as detrimental to me as I am careful to keep things away from me when I do those things, but I still feel like I can't control my rage when things go wrong in those situations. I feel like I take things a lot more personally than I should. Sure a solution for me would just be to rid myself of all competition, but that seems like it would be a much unhealthier thing than trying to fix the problem. I love football, I love poker, I love competition period! Yet, my vulnerability to desctruction is costing me a lot of stress and money that i can not afford. Is their anyone else here who fits in that category? Any other advice? Thank you in advance, and thanks again Jane!

Last edited by Andrew758; 09-18-2011 at 06:35 PM.

 
Old 09-26-2011, 02:54 PM   #4
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Haden HB User
Re: I have hit rock bottom. I need help

No advice or anything, I just kinda read this randomly out of curiosity, now I feel obliged to say something haha.

They say the first step is realising and admitting you have a problem though, so well done there. Good luck with it...and you're not alone I think there is plenty of help out there for this sort of thing.

 
Old 11-15-2011, 10:25 PM   #5
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Re: I have hit rock bottom. I need help

I've gambled a lot on sports and slot machines, lost almost all my money.I had some good wins when I first started.Ive found it impossible to stop gambling even though I lose continuously, even though I've tried to stop so many times.Having no money stops me,until I get more money.

It feel like torture when I stop,but it's mostly because I have nothing else to do.It's almost IMPOSSIBLE to stop if you have done it for a few years and or if you have an addictive brain.My brother gambled to and that got me into it even more.trying to find other things to do in my life as I know there are WAY BETTER THINGS TO DO IN LIFE,I just haven't tried them.

 
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