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-   -   not sure if it's anger or stress. what do you think? (http://www.healthboards.com/boards/anger-management/869592-not-sure-if-its-anger-stress-what-do-you-think.html)

sambko 09-18-2011 09:24 AM

not sure if it's anger or stress. what do you think?
 
Can living in an apt. bldg with a single mother and two boys living upstairs from you who jump around 24/7 and the mother wears high heels shoes all night long be the cause of me being so angry and snapping at people all the time? I come home from work hoping to relax but I can't because all I hear is noise upstairs. The boys jump around and my ceiling shakes. The mother is out most of the time and leaves them home alone (I think the boys are 9 and 12).

Naturally the kids let the door slam behind them, because kids don't know, and kids are kids. They're with their dad every other weekend so when it's quiet and I know it's just the mom who's home, she let's the door slam behind her too!!

She is just so rude and walks around in her high heels at 6:45 in the morning!! I am up getting ready for work at the same time, but it's just the idea!!! How freakin rude!!! What if I was retired and didn't have to work!

Also, my bedroom is adjacent to my neighbor's living room (next to me). I can hear his tv at 11 pm when I want to go to sleep and I'm angry about it. I wake up at 6 am for work. Also had a soundproofing contractor come in to inspect and he said there is nothing but 4 inches of AIR - EMPTY SPACE between two thin walls of gypsum board!!! I can hear my neighbor sneeze if I'm in my bedroom on a Saturday afternoon putting laundry away.

This is a co-op bldg and I pay a mortgage and can't even live peacefully in my own home. So i'm just wondering if I really do have an anger problem or it's just my living environment!!!

Leegh 11-03-2011 06:11 AM

Re: not sure if it's anger or stress. what do you think?
 
It's probably just stress, which I think can turn into anger. You are totally justified in feeling the way you do, noise can be extremely bothersome. Have you considered buying ear plugs? There are some very good web sites that sell earplugs exclusively. I have found that the ear plugs sold online work much better than ones sold at drug stores.

MamaToThree 11-03-2011 02:18 PM

Re: not sure if it's anger or stress. what do you think?
 
Sleep deprivation is not good. I have been battling ADHD, depression, stress, anxiety, and VERY unstable moods for years. What I have come to realize is that I think 50% of my symptoms come from lack of sleep. I also have three young children - 6, 5, and 4 - so the noise that they make is not bothersome (most of the time), but they do make a TONNAGE of noise that just seems to grate on me like white noise (the static kind!) without me being really conscious of it. My doc has me on Effexor XR, gabapentin, and we just added seroquel to the mix and the seroquel knocks me out COLD!!!! I have taken ambien in the past and works like that on me without the "OMG I just went out cold" properties.

Can you have a chat with your landlord? There has to be some sort of rule against noise after a certain hour. Good luck!

jillian4 11-04-2011 05:06 PM

Re: not sure if it's anger or stress. what do you think?
 
Hi

I'm sorry you have that to deal with! :( I would feel grouchy, too.

It happened to me in an apartment. same thing, no insulation between floors and little between walls. Just walking across the floor upstairs made my kitchen cabinet doors make noise. I heard things from the upstairs bedroom no one should have to hear. That definitely was not a fun time. :mad:

I read once that anger is a message that something needs to be changed. And to use that energy to make changes. So I try to use anger constructively and not let it eat me up. Think about what you can do in the situation, short and long term. Keep in mind that it's not the neighbor's fault there is not adequate insulation.

Short term, without blame or anger I spoke with the neighbor and explained that I thought she might want to know what I was hearing and asked if she could do anything about it. Believe me the bedroom noises stopped really fast because she was embarrassed. But just because we are polite doesn't mean the other person will care or be polite. There are those who will deliberately make more noise.

Anyway, long term, I made plans to move out and never again live in an apartment. I eventually found a house I could afford. If I was an owner of a condo I would have sold it and moved into a rental, or rented it out and moved. I mean my own family is enough noise to deal with. :eek:

sambko 11-06-2011 03:21 PM

Re: not sure if it's anger or stress. what do you think?
 
hi all,
thanks for all your replies. Yes, I have tried ear plugs and even moved my bed to the opposite wall. My neighbor also moved his tv to the other wall too. Can you imagine, my headboard part of the bed was right next to his tv. I must have impeccable hearing because I can still hear the tv with my earplugs. It's not so clear that i can hear what words are being said, but I can still hear a mumble and it annoys me. I guess some people are light and heavy sleepers.

Regarding my neighbor upstairs, well I forgot if I mentioned it, but when I first complained, I knocked on her door and was really nice. It was during the summer when her kids don't have school and stay up late, I get up for work at 6 AM and can hear their tv and video games. I explained that it's an old bldg and I"m sure the tv is not loud, but I can hear it because of the age of the bldg. She was very nice and it was quiet.... however then came Christmas, Pres. Day and Spring break. The noise came back. I learned that her husband moved out. The kids stay with him every other wkd and it's quiet except for when her boyfriend spends the night. What happened was, the kids moved in the big master bedroom and the mom moved in the smaller room that belonged to the kids.

So she was obviously pre-occupied with the divorce and did not remember to keep her kids quiet on school vacations. One day 5 kids played basketball inside and I knew the mother wasn't home. I heard her leave - this was 6:30 during the summer. I just got home from work - so this was the FIRST time I felt the whole room shake!!! It felt like a very small earthquake. I literally got scared and thought they were gonna start a fire so I called the cops. My purpose of the call was ONLY to see if there is a minimum age for kids to be allowed left home alone. The cop insisted on asking my address and said he was coming over. I didn't want to argue with a cop :( The mother came home 5 minutes before the cop came!!! She got mad at me and then called a meeting with the co-op board. I have tried not to complain since.

I do want to move but co-own my co-op with my parents and they own more % so they say the market is too bad to move. I can probably find a place on my own, but will have to pay the maintenance fee for this place PLUS the new place - I can't afford that.

I am getting used to it though but should be thankful I have a home. Working in NYC lets me see so many homeless people and it's depressing

edited to say that the cop went upstairs and the mom answered the door. I probably waited too long to call the police. Also, when I tell this story to my friends I alway say the bldg is constructed poorly, well maybe it's not because it's still standing today and can withstand all the jumping around. lol

jillian4 11-06-2011 11:15 PM

Re: not sure if it's anger or stress. what do you think?
 
What a big pain in the rear.

Blessing :angel: and pain :mad:all rolled into one!

I feel for you! :wave:

ryma 11-07-2011 01:45 AM

Re: not sure if it's anger or stress. what do you think?
 
i think its just the environment... anger is trigger mostly by the people around us

matt674885 11-10-2011 10:07 AM

Re: not sure if it's anger or stress. what do you think?
 
I'm not sure if there's a difference. I know that's an ambiguous statement, and I could elaborate, but I fear I'd sit in front of this computer till, as they say, "kingdom come" (I'm a writer--among other things).

I've been dealing with lots--and lots--of anger lately as well, mostly with three "categories" of people: 1) individuals in my life (family, friends, etc.), 2) strangers on the street that walk by me without looking at me (I live in New York City), and 3) former members of a group I used to belong to whose remonstrations still "fill my head" at times--not auditory hallucinations, just some schmuckos whom I can't get "the hell out of my head," as they say.

Thank you! Please feel free to reply!

Best,
Matt Bohart

sambko 11-10-2011 06:14 PM

Re: not sure if it's anger or stress. what do you think?
 
[QUOTE=matt674885;4877228]I'm not sure if there's a difference. I know that's an ambiguous statement, and I could elaborate, but I fear I'd sit in front of this computer till, as they say, "kingdom come" (I'm a writer--among other things).

I've been dealing with lots--and lots--of anger lately as well, mostly with three "categories" of people: 1) individuals in my life (family, friends, etc.), 2) strangers on the street that walk by me without looking at me (I live in New York City), and 3) former members of a group I used to belong to whose remonstrations still "fill my head" at times--not auditory hallucinations, just some schmuckos whom I can't get "the hell out of my head," as they say.

Thank you! Please feel free to reply!

Best,
Matt Bohart[/QUOTE]
Hi Matt
I work in NYC and get annoyed at tourists who walk side by side blocking the sidewalk especially when I'm in a rush to get somewhere..... or I get mad at people who just drop gum wrappers on the ground, in the street, etc. Or people who turn their head in one direction to read a sign at Grand Central and keep walking the other way and almost bump into you.... the list goes on. I don't get really mad about the latter, but they just annoy me!

Sorry if you were looking for another reply - sometimes venting can help take a weight off my and your shoulders

matt674885 11-10-2011 07:02 PM

Re: not sure if it's anger or stress. what do you think?
 
thanks for getting back to me.

Is this single mother a cranky or spiteful person?

sambko 11-12-2011 06:26 AM

Re: not sure if it's anger or stress. what do you think?
 
My neighbor upstairs is a very nice person to other people. She just doesn't like me because I called the cops (my mistake, oh well). If we would have met elsewhere, I'd probably like her. It was my mistake to assume she'd remember about my noise problem with her kids - but it is true, I find, myself, that I forget things people tell me when I have other priorities on my mind - but she's just too much with letting the door slam behind her and wearing her high heel shoes inside for long periods of time. She is SCUFFING UP HER WOODEN FLOOR. And even so, this is a Co-op Apt. Complex and there is a rule that 60-70% must be carpeted. When I moved in the Super came in to inspect. I think she took the rugs out after the Super inspected her place.

jillian4 11-17-2011 01:39 PM

Re: not sure if it's anger or stress. what do you think?
 
Hi sambko,

That you seem bothered that Matt didn't comment about the lady upstairs on her floor, my answer to your question about anger or stress is

Both! I think you are stressed out and are very angry. :eek:

I'm not blaming you, but I believe it's coming from inside of [U]you[/U]. The accommodations were just not built to be conducive to peaceful, quiet living. It's obviously not a retirement community, so being loud is to be expected. I'm sorry that you didn't get in a retirement community with one level buildings.

I mean, people just cannot constantly be aware of us and thinking of us, no matter how friendly they might seem. If the lady has ripped up carpet, that should have been discussed privately with the Super. Calling the cops on someone should only be done for criminal activity. Not because we are uncomfortable.

You might need a health check up. You may need vitamin B complex, magnesium citrate or something...both increases capacity to handle stress. You can ask at a health food store. maybe your thyroid level is too high, or too low. Either increases stress.

You have every right to whatever you feel. But your posts make it appear that you take your own irritation very seriously while you just say 'oh well' about wrongfully calling the cops on the neighbor. That is a serious offense. She has every right to shun you.

The only way now that you might get the neighbor to be thoughtful of the floor noise is to humbly ask if you can talk with her, and then apologize profusely, and tell her that you are going to get a health check up to see if there is a problem making you over reactive. I would ask her to forgive me, and in future you [U]might[/U] get a chance to explain how the sounds from above seemed to you. Maybe she is a generous and forgiving person. But she might say "oh well' about you.

Since you cannot move from there, it seems best to make an effort to make amends with your neighbor. You might fall someday and need for her to care.

Just saying.

sambko 11-17-2011 04:04 PM

Re: not sure if it's anger or stress. what do you think?
 
[QUOTE=Jill;4875114]What a big pain in the rear.

Blessing :angel: and pain :mad:all rolled into one!

I feel for you! :wave:[/QUOTE]

hey, sorry i never thanked you for your sweet reply and hug!! thanks!


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