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Old 02-11-2012, 07:39 AM   #1
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I'm ruining my own life.

I'm a 25 year old female.

Since being a very small child, I've always had problems with my personality. Always in trouble at school, always arguing with someone, always drama, if its not one thing its another.....


<deleted inappropriate language>



I feel like everyone is getting at me, even strangers, even people on the phone if Im ringing up to pay a bill. I end up having an argument with them. I constantly feel like my back is up, and need to defend myself. I had a lot of hassle as a child, I used to watch my mum get beat up for 5 years, brutally.

I just feel like no one has ever defended me & I sure as hell make sure I defend myself now. Thats the problem, I have no reason to defend myself against most of these people. My attitude stinks. Im just a nasty sarcastic indivdual at the moment, and Im getting worse by the day. I wouldnt win a popularity contest. Im not bothered about everyone else, but I want to be better to my mum, we just dont get along & only tolerate each other for small amounts of time. Shes ALWAYS picking at me, always makes me feel so low about myself. Same with my grandma, I think if I got proper support from them that would help. I have tried asking. Also my mouth is atrocious. If Im in an argument the language I come out with is fowl, I dont care what I say, as long as I get the better of someone. It could be the lowest of the low, but I'd say it.

Last christmas I was arguing with a girl on a night out, we battered each other & she ended up stabbing me, then I really went to town on her, she was unrecognisable & kept trying to run away, I wouldn't let her. I kept beating her.

Last week, I was in a taxi rank, a man attacked me & kicked the hell out of me, cos we were arguing.

TODAY, I've had a massive public argument through FB with people who live around me.

I dont know how to control myself & its tearing my life apart. I have a two year old son, and I want to change for his sake. If he turned out like me being defensive and argumentative and angry, it'd break my heart. I do know if it wasnt for my child, I'd be in prison, dead, or an alcoholic.

If you are going to comment in a negative way,

<please don't>

 
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Old 03-31-2012, 01:20 PM   #2
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MMWMMW HB User
Re: I'm ruining my own life.

You know what you've got to do -- get that anger response out of you. Completely. The question is how.

Are there any anger management groups around?

Remember this: Between a stimulus and a response, there is a space. In this space lies your freedom to choose from your true will (instead of from the anger impulse).

When the response comes almost immediately following the stimulus, that space is very small. But the space is still there. Come to know this space. Before you respond, pause and stay in this space. Then CHOOSE your response.

CHOOSE your response, according to the direction of your TRUE WILL. Your TRUE WILL is associated with your rational and conscientious mind. Gradually work within your mind to respond from your TRUE WILL, instead of from the anger impulse. And you can overcome this anger and find the peaceful and true you.

 
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to MMWMMW For This Useful Post:
kanded (04-09-2012), tiredofbeingmad (04-11-2012)
Old 04-06-2012, 06:35 PM   #3
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Cind X447 HB User
Re: I'm ruining my own life.

This may seem like a silly suggestion, I hope not. But have you considered getting access to a punching bag?

 
Old 04-11-2012, 08:52 AM   #4
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Re: I'm ruining my own life.

I think I know this space... It is when you take a deep breath before speaking.... I wish I had the ability to pause. I always jump first. Thank you for your advice to Mrs. Angry, it made me think about it and now I will try what you said. I have years of anger and I want it gone in seconds.. I know it won't work this way but I could wish... Please take a look at my post and tell me how I can cope, if you even think I have a chance...
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Old 04-11-2012, 08:53 AM   #5
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Re: I'm ruining my own life.

Thank you for posting. The person right under you gave great advice that I will be trying myself. I hope you get better, I know I need to.
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Old 06-12-2012, 10:49 AM   #6
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Re: I'm ruining my own life.

I think you should go for professional help. Professional psychologist can tell you about certain anger management techniques which would help you a lot. Start thinking that no matter how long this anger is with you still you have the ability and strength to control it. Give yourself time to control it. You can give yourself a target that ok today i will have no more than 2 arguments. you can slowly cut down your number of arguments. May be it help you to make your situation better. Take care

 
Old 06-12-2012, 12:58 PM   #7
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Re: I'm ruining my own life.

Hello MA,

This may seem like a insensitive question but just humor me for a moment: do you love your child?

Now remember;bear with me for a few more moments........I already know the answer to the question;its rhetorical......of course you do.

So why did I ask,you may say?

Because in that little space of time that I had your attention,the decision to act out anger can be significantly lessened and in some instances,eliminated.

There seem to be deep anger issues which therapy may be able to help but realize that we can't do it for you;you've got to make the decision.

For you;your child,mother and grandma will benefit from a positive decision on your behalf.

Just think about it,please.

Respectfully
Phoenix
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Last edited by Phoenix; 06-12-2012 at 02:12 PM.

 
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