I have been experiencing obsessive, ruminating anger since I was a teenager (33 now). I don't take it out on others but I get lost and absorbed in these thoughts, punching walls, etc, becoming distracted when I should be productive, sometimes while driving. I was in a wonderful relationship but my tendency to get lost in these thoughts and my need to vent eventually became too much for her.
I was abused physically and emotionally as a child, which is probably at the root of things. Often the things I am angry about are things that may seem more trivial than this however: petty arguments my sister has had with me years ago, being made fun of for being 'awkward', something nasty a friend did years ago. In general, they tend to be situations where I feel humiliated or disrespected or sometimes where I was pressured by being made to feel like I was committing some sort of social faux pas. I actually work in a field where I get plenty of respect so perhaps it is ironic.
I have been in therapy for years, more than 10 years. CBT stuff does help me: automatic thought records and mindfulness meditation especially. So does muscle relaxation and regular exercise. Still, I was punching doors and screaming alone in my apartment this morning, having violent thoughts about my family. I don't know what more I can do at this point.
What usually seems to be effective is that when I get to an intensely rage-filled state, I need to try to stop myself from punching the wall and do 10 push ups or isometric exercise or something like that. Then after releasing the energy that way, I do an automatic thought record. However, it can be hard to remember to do this when I'm in that place. Also, it sucks to do!
I guess I'm looking for:
- other people who experience obsessive ruminating anger and have ideas on how to deal with it
- what you do when the anger becomes intense
- what you do when you recognize the triggers
You did not get this way overnight,so please realize there's no safe, yet quick remedy to a lingering situation.
Have you ever been on medication?
In therapy,your answers may be revealed by back-tracking your steps(in life).........as far back as is necessary,to attain the desired results.
Yes, I've been on several kinds of medication, still on Buspar. Every anti-depressant has had horrible side effects for me. SSRIs have permanently ruined my digestive system. I hate them forever.
Anyway, you make good points.
[LEFT]Having an extremely angry day today with a lot of punching and slamming things. I did an automatic thought record (1.5 h), practised mindfulness, went to the gym, still so angry.[/LEFT]
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