I'm 23 black woman married with no children and i am always so angry and i dont know how to stopit and i mainly take it out on my wonderful husband i just yell over EVERYTHING all the time im always frowning and im not like this with anyone else, we got married when i was 19 before living together. i almost just take off in the middle of the night and just let him go on in life without me. things arent going well financially and i understand that were young and not established yet and its just gonna take time for us to be where we wanna be but its like my brain doesnt wanna believe it so im always pessimstic about life and i honestly feel like im not gonna wanna go on. his friends absolutely hate me because im a ***** to him plain and simple and he doesnt deserve it and deep down i know thats true but i hate that people think that about me cus inside i feel like i could be a good person a better wife. i just want to stop being this terrible person i cant break free from it and i dont know where to begin my faith in God is obliterated beacuse i feel like all the bad things that happen to me is just him picking on me and wanting to making me miserable enough to just end it. i mean in 23 years i ve seen my mom beaten on a regular basis my father bashed in the head by my father my mother beat on me mercilessly and throughly enjoyed (she would always be smiling while she was doing it) constantly shipped off to haiti, i have no family i get a total of maybe 5 happy birthday wishes on fb, during my fiance now husband deployment i went to school for hair and all the girls were just the most gigantic ******* to me etc i know this sounds like whining but no med is making a difference i havent been totally happy in years upon years that i dont actually think i could tell if the things were working im tired of crying all the time so often i just want to be content in life and happy with what i have i hate being the bitchy naggy wife i think its just cuz im just selfish idk but i need help
It sounds like you are in a lot of emotional pain and have had a lot of pain in your life. I am so sorry you are hurting. Sometimes anger is a defense mechanism to protect yourself from pain, but it is not healthy to be in the habit of being angry.
If you need someone to talk to, you can pm me. I am married and care about young marriages succeeding. It is hard for everyone, but especially if you have witnessed abuse.