Can't control my angry tantrums/ outbursts.
Sorry if this isnt completely coherent, its 1:30 am, just had an outburst at my dog/ gf. Im a young adult male and ever since i was a kid i would just have crazy outbursts of anger, just yelling, throwing stuff, yelling, talking like i would be violent (although i never have been, seemed to be just an attention thing). Anyways, my mother always said that how you treat your mom is how you'll treat your spouse, and i didnt think it was true at the time but now i can see it is.
I will give the most recent example of my outbursts of uncontrollable anger that just happened a few minutes ago. I havent gotten a lot of sleep in the past few days, got a new puppy in crate inside, it woke me up barking right while it was doing diahrea everywhere, well in my state of tiredness and just being ****** that i was waken up again and had to clean up crap and just ran out of paper towels, that just set me OFF. Literally, i just start grabbign my dog all hard and yelling and kicking things and just screaming, almost just TRYING to be annoying and make a ruckus. But im such an idiot, heres my girlfriend laying there and shes just trying to sleep and im yelling at the top of my lungs throwing stuff and kicking stuff telling my dog i hope she "****** dies" and just generally saying stuff i dont mean.
Then the dog went and peed on the rug while i was cleaning up her crap, and that set me into an even bigger tirade than before. Long story short, this is the story of my life, this is what i do when i feel like things are just too stressful, i just yell, try to make everyone around me feel bad, kick things, throw things, try to break things. I just hate myself, im sick of it. Within 45 seconds to 2 minutes of calming down i regret everything that i just did. I am really a kind gentle person who wouldnt hurt a thing but i turn into this CRAZY insane person that no one wants to be around. Im just tired of it and i dont know how to stop in the moment cause its like im not myself in the moment. I have tried to stop since i was a little kid but i havent put that much effort i suppose. If i dont stop im going to lose everyone around me especially my girlfriend who i love very much. She doesnt deserve to have my annoying tantrum immature self around her but i just dont know what to do.
TLDR: I throw fits, throw stuff, yell loud, try to bring everyone down, ever since i was a kid. i need to stop, like now, i dont want to go get diagnosed as something as i think thats all mostly ******** or in your head, i just want to find some all natural ways to control my mind better in the moment.