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Nerual 01-31-2013 10:14 AM

Uncontrollable Anger
 
Similarly to many others, I am normally a very laid back and friendly individual and very few people have a problem with me, I am well liked at College and get on with my life as much as I can, however ever since I was younger I would have random violent and aggressive episodes which were totally out of character and I'm now 18 years of age and if anything they have only gotten worse, the slightest thing can set me off, it takes very little for me to fly off the handle and I'm ashamed of my behaviour.
When I get angry, I always take it too far, in my actions and what I say, most of which I hardly remember, it just comes out of my mouth and my vision goes blurry and I feel sick shortly after, I recognise how irrational my actions are but in my head I feel like everyone is out to get me, that everyone hates me and is against me and I go into a state of self-defence and refuse to let anyone come near me, I stay like this from an hour up to days, I then spiral into a phase of self-hatred and the cycle continues.
It has recently gotten so bad that my family has chosen not to cross my path anymore, my mother and I used to have a wonderful relationship however she has grown tired with dealing with my episodes and has decided to stay out of my way, my younger brother is only 8 years of age and has often commented how he's frightened of me when I am angry. My older sister has also told me that she feels unsafe around me when I begin to get aggressive. So have my friends, I have lashed out at so many of them before now and they admitted their concerns a few days ago.
I'm scared I'm turning into a monster and I've tried everything to solve what's going on, counseling, meditation, music, reading, moving out, anger management however nothing has worked.
Does anyone have any advice as I am becoming somewhat desperate.

lotus938 02-09-2013 11:51 PM

Re: Uncontrollable Anger
 
Hi Nerual,

I don't know what to say to comfort you but I go thru exactly what you are going thru right now and I understand how you feel. I had over the past 2 decades pushed away many people out of my life due to this anger problem. I feel so ashame that this is so that many times I wished I could disappear from this world so that I do not bring those pain to the ones who come near my life.

I am lucky as I have a very very understanding and supportive husband and 2 teenage kids who sorta learn to live with my problem. I do not wish to take their compassion for granted and have over the years try my very best to do my part to reduce my anger episodes and be a more pleasant person for me and others.

I have tried meditation, Bacb Flower Essence, Native Remedies, Yoga, Inner Engineering, physical exercises. As in all healing methods, we need time and most of all DISCIPLINE. Of the aforementioned methods, I find that Bach Flower Remedies, meditation and Yoga helps. The 3 work together very well for one who is looking for inner healing.

I bave experience the pain you are going thru, feeling like a monster, sometime externalizing my pain I even hit myself. It is all so scary.

Can I suggest to you that you talk to at least one of your family members to stand by you as you try to heal yourself? You need a lot of support and encouragement at this time of your life. Also you can get a bottle of Bach Flower Rescue Remedy to help you thru those times when you feel very agitated or your can also use it after you had succumbed to the anger and felt really bad.

Meantime, keep breathing deeply. It will slow down your reaction to irritation. I have a verse here for you that I have chosen to memorize as an encouragement to myself and I want to share with you:

Nerual 02-10-2013 09:32 AM

Re: Uncontrollable Anger
 
Thank you ever so much, I'm just glad I'm not alone and there others experiencing this, I'd probably go to my nana about supporting me and I tend to go to her mostly about my problems, she understands how normally I'm a reasonable person but I don't even recognise myself after an episode and as you said I do feel ashamed and I hoped it was just a phase and I'd grow out of it but it's been going on for a number of years now and so I really needed to sort myself out, I hadn't considered things that you had suggested and ill definitely look into them,
Thank you once again,
Nerual

Arggg 02-17-2013 10:32 AM

Re: Uncontrollable Anger
 
It sounds like you have an underlying physical ailment causing these episodes. You may have some kind of seizure disorder that's difficult to diagnose. I suggest seeing a neurologist if you can get a referral.

I have problems with rage myself, but they aren't as sudden and violent as yours. I control my rage by seeing therapists, healers, avoiding really toxic people and situations, and by controlling my diet. I avoid alcohol, drugs, processed food, and especially chocolate. Chocolate is a no-no for anybody with a mood disorder; it can cause depression, rage, irritability, and even psychosis for a lot of people. A psychiatrist may be able to help you with medication. It sounds pretty serious, like you need medical help, and soon! I speak from experience.

lotus938 02-18-2013 03:13 AM

Re: Uncontrollable Anger
 
Hello Arggg,

I am so surprise that you mention that chocolate is a no no for people with rage. .well, I suppose people with rage are also depress or have some form of mood disorder, I thought chocolate has some feel good chemical that helps.

I personally find that taking raw cacao chocolate helps me somewhat. I make my own little raw cacao nuggets with little Manuka Honey for sweetener. I pop one a day like medicine, Yum!

I definitely agree with you about avoiding toxic people and situation. But because I feel a lot and quite hypersensitive, I end up staying home a lot. I don't socialize, I avoid crowded places.

You sound like you are taking quite good care of yourself. I try too also. I think most important of all for people like us is to have HOPE and know that we are not born like that and we can be well. We can take small steps forward and keep trying and we can only get better.

lotus938 02-18-2013 03:15 AM

Re: Uncontrollable Anger
 
Hello Arggg,

I am so surprise that you mention that chocolate is a no no for people with rage. .well, I suppose people with rage are also depress or have some form of mood disorder, I thought chocolate has some feel good chemical that helps.

I personally find that taking raw cacao chocolate helps me somewhat. I make my own little raw cacao nuggets with little Manuka Honey for sweetener. I pop one a day like medicine, Yum!

I definitely agree with you about avoiding toxic people and situation. But because I feel a lot and quite hypersensitive, I end up staying home a lot. I don't socialize, I avoid crowded places.

You sound like you are taking quite good care of yourself. I try too also. I think most important of all for people like us is to have HOPE and know that we are not born like that and we can be well. We can take small steps forward and keep trying and we can only get better.

Aurelia5 02-19-2013 05:47 PM

Re: Uncontrollable Anger
 
Hi Neural
I agree with Arggg - see a neurologist. Also, have you seen a psychiatrist? Not a counsellor or psychologist - big, big difference. A psychiatrist can prescribe medication, while the others can't. I have had a rage problem, nothing like yours, but bad enough to lose friends and family, for a little less than thirty years. I took a whole lot of psychology classes at the community college here, and learned about all the different things that can cause emotions like rage. First thing I'd do if you can is start LEARNING what could be causing it.

One of the many things I learned is that rage is a response to stress. Do you have any stressors in your life that you aren't immediately aware of, say a family situation that when you really think about it, it sets you off, but otherwise you keep suppressed? In my case, it was watching my family disintegrate from Alzheimer's and poverty. Though we tried making light of life on the surface, I was deeply hurt watching my little mother lose her mind, and my father with not enough money for a tank of gas. Like an animal caught in a trap, I lashed out at every perceived slight, and on several occasions actually broke things by throwing them against the wall.

But after they died, I was a lot calmer. There are new things now that infuriate me, like my husband's terminal cancer, but I wait a lot longer before blowing up than I used to.
So take a close, inner look at your life and try to find that thing that is destroying you.

In the short term, you won't believe this, but when you are just about to go off, count to ten. It really works, for short term problems, and gives you time to get out of the room.

Take care, dear.


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