I just spent an hour typing my story and it wasn't even 3/4 way through, so I'm not going to go into my background and why I have anxiety, but I do want to mention what is helping me through.
My boyfriend of 2 years has gone through all the drama with me and I've told him everything about my childhood. We are completely honest with each other and he is the reason I first approached a therapist to deal with my mood swings. I didn't want him walking out. I'd tell him that I dont blame him if he wanted to and he always would shrug it off.
Anyway, blah, blah, blah. I refused to go on depression pills. My sister is on them and is dependant. I've seen her struggle and I dont want to do it. I want to fix it, not hide it.
I joined up at the local library and read (and still do read) lots of books on anxiety. I dont suffer from panic attacks. I've had maybe 4 in 4 years. But I consider that acceptable considering a few episodes I've gone throguh.
I would try something new for 2 weeks and if my moods/anxiety didn't improve, it was onto the next thing. Ha.. I tried Executive Stress Vitamin B tablets and I was a complete moo-cow. When I went off the 2 weeks course and became my normal moody self again, my bf laughed and said they definately didn't help. it was funny as I didn't expect a change and didn't see a change until I stopped taking them.
I then realised I had to pin point what type of anxiety I had. And it all worked out to be PMS related. I suffer from bloating alot too, then I have stress on top of it all.
I had to get my vitamins and minerals and chemical balances right in my body so I would stop swaying from Angry and irratated to moody and depressed.
I'm not exactly a rich lady. I am a sole home owner so most of my pay goes on the home. I shop at Aldi. There is no way I can afford vitamins, etc.
The only thing I budgeted for was a gym membership. I wheeled and dealed and got a good price. Gym was like my new LEGAL drug. it was great, but I didn't go on the weekends, so by the time Monday and Tuesday came around, I'd hit bottom again.
Food. I decided to find what vitamins and minerals I needed for my body and what foods they are found in. I eat little to no meant, only chicken and fish. LOADS of salads and veges and I've learnt what seasonings to use and what nuts to eat, etc.
BOOM. Bloating stopped, the negative thoughts in my head were still there, but minimised. I am now able to rationalise my thoughts, calm myself and work through it.
The other day, after being on this new eating plan for 2 weeks and feeling great, I had a bit of a sugar crave. Thinking that this is normal and that I deserved it, I continued to eat a lollipop, softdrink, chocolate. That same night and the next morning, I was a wreck. I'd gone from being so hapyp and in some sort of control. To being so tired, angry and quiet to avoid snapping at my bf.
I am still reading books to understand more on the subject. Gym is going great. Everyone is loving seeing what I bring to lunch at work and best of all.... I'm not on any drugs, legal or not, my drinking is controlled, I'm healthier all round.
I'm still learning more about what foods I can substitute with what, etc, but I'm loving this new life.
I'm also reading up on positive parenting skills as my first (and only) therapist session revealed in myself the fear I have of being a good mum. Because of my negative upbrining, I fear raising my own children. But thats a whole new chapter and lots more books to read.
I am so thankful to my bf for his support. He is alot happier too, he supports my different stages of trying new things and is there to stop me if I start getting wound up and freaking out over small issues. He just stops me from pacing the house, looks into my eyes and tells me to calm down and asks whats wrong. If I cant figure out what's wrong, we do something together until I'm settled and can think straight. I love him with all my heart and tell him so every day.
I also thank my decision for not taking prescription pills, or digging a whole to bury myself in, or drinking (or drugging) until everything goes black.
That small thing called love has pulled me through. I keep in touch with my parents but it's not the same. my bf's family has accepted me and know more about me than my own.
Supportive surroundings!! My house is my lioness den. My relationship with my bf is built on communication and understanding with lots of laughs. I have kept in contact with all friends, but have limited my contact with the bad influences. I will not delete them from my life as everyone has reasons and issues for there negativity and bad choices. For all the suport I have recieved, I gladly support others.
Open up! I dont hide my anxiety anymore, or bottle it up until it's uncontrollable. if i'm frustrated I discuss why I'm frustrated out loud. I can then tell if its' reasonable or not.
It all starts with the first step. I was looking for a quick fix. I looked long time. It doesn't exist. You have to work at it and there will be more tears. But for the sake of your life... something has to change!