HotNicks

Well I've begun to give myself new hope! For those of you who don't know, I am an 18 year old male from Canada and I've suffered from excessive worry for as long as I can remember. I usually worry all the time, and right now I'm going through my second really bad time with it. The first was in grade 9, and I suffered from depersonalization/derealization mainly, amongst other things.

This time it's the same old junk, but a lil different! I won't explain the whole story, some of you probably have read my other posts on the subject. To sum it up a bit, in the past two months I've convinced myself that I have some sort of brain tumor, that I may have been having some sort of seizures (mainly because of deja vu, until I realized that deja vu is very common with anxiety states), and most recently I've been trying to convince myself that I'm a schizophrenic!! Well it's time to stop all of this, and I hope many of you can relate, and find this helpful.

I have been feeling better lately, except for the weird feelings in my head. I refer to it as my "mangled head", lol and it's become somewhat of a joke with my mom. I can't really describe the feeling! Heavy/tight at times, sort of tingling at times, crawling sensation sort of thing at times. Always on the left side, and it's usually there 24/7. That's still there, but in the past two days I feel I've made progress in my thinking. I started to realize that worrying about such things is prepostorous, and driving me insane. I mainly realized this when I started worrying about schizophrenia. I started worrying about this because when I worry about things I often read symptoms of them and I read that a symptom of schizo can be racing thoughts and stuff. And wow, my thoughts have been racing all over the place!! But I've realized, that if I was schizophrenic, I wouldn't know it. I would think I was normal in a sense, and wouldn't think anything was wrong. The sole fact that I control my thoughts, know what I'm thinking about, and so on, mean to me that I am just fine!!

I'm still dealing with the head feelings, but I'm confident that these will subside as I continue to think positively and get back in control of my life. It's time for me to take back what's mine, and get on with things. Oh, and in regards to my "mangled head", my doctor put it very well and I'd like to share that with you people. Are your lips dry?

Now, how many people licked their lips when they read that? I know I did when my doctor said it to me, and I even tested it on a bunch of my friends. The point of this is, your mind is a mysterious thing, and certain things can trigger your mind to react in different ways. How this ties in to my "mangled head" feeling, is that I'm constantly thinking about it! Even if some days it's not bothering me as bad or something, I'm still thinking "what if it comes back? Is it there? I think it's there" and of course, this triggers my mind to produce the feeling. Of course it even happens sometimes when I'm not thinking about it as much, but whatever, stuff happens! Anyways, I don't want to let this go on much longer, but I wanted you guys to know where I'm at, and I hope I even helped some of you out!! There is hope for people with GAD, OCD, or any other anxiety related illnesses. You just have to convince yourself of this, and convince yourself that you are FINE.

Jeff

I should also add that I have been on Zoloft for a little more than 5 weeks now, which I'm sure is adding to my progression, but I believe a large part of it is changing my thinking also.

Thanks for listening!