fear of flying anxiety - Anxiety Message Board

fredrolin · 05-25-2004, 02:49 PM

I am 40 years old and I have a fear of flying.

I have NEVER been on an airplane and really don't have any desire to fly.

My wife and daughter are really fed up with going on road trip vacations.

We live in Ohio and 2 years ago my wife won a round trip weekend for 2 in California but I chickened out and my wife took our daughter instead.

My wife just booked a Disney Cruise for January 2005; we are to fly to Orlando, stay there for 3 days then get on the cruise ship (which also terrifies me) and go to the Bahamas and back for 3 days.

It's not the fear of crashing, heights, sinking, or claustrophobia.
My fear is LOSS OF CONTROL.
If I don't like the plane ride I have no power to stop it and get off. If I don't like the boat ride I have no power to stop it and get off.
In a car I can always pull over and get out at nearly anytime.

I don't want to miss out on this trip and my wife whats to go to other places during our lifetime; Hawaii, Europe, Vegas. My brother moved to Phoenix 14 years ago and I have never even been out there to visit him.

Any suggestions?

junglemonkey · 05-25-2004, 03:19 PM

Hi fredrolin!

I am used to travelling on planes. I go on holiday once or twice every year by plane. Problems only started arising for me last year when I had a super panic-attack before and on the flight and it was only a fifty minute flight! When I got myself I was trying to think of what could possibly have caused such a horrific attack and I realised - It's the thought of not being able to get off when I want. I was afraid of feeling ill on the plane and knowing I'm stuck in there for a while, unable to get out if I want.

What exactly is it you're afraid of "not liking"?? What is it that's making you anxious about going on a plane or boat?

Have you tried any breathing and muscle relaxation techniques?

Do you have any medications for anxiety?

microwave · 05-25-2004, 05:30 PM

Quote:

It's not the fear of crashing, heights, sinking, or claustrophobia. If I don't like the plane ride I have no power to stop it and get off. If I don't like the boat ride I have no power to stop it and get off.

That's EXACTLY how I feel! I feel like I can't remove myself from the situation, and that's what bothers me. What I do is remember that anxiety/panic is your body sending wrong signals. It is telling you that you are in danger, when in fact, you are not. So, I keep telling myself, "I am not in danger. My body is confused. I sitting here with my husband, who understands. If I need to talk it out, he will listen and support me."

Another thing that really works is giving myself permission to have a panic attack. I will think, "I am feeling like I may have a panic attack. It's fine, so I will sit here and have it. I'll keep having one and keep having one until they stop. I'll even have some water handy in case I feel dry mouth or a choking feeling. Once the attacks stop, I will go back to watching the movie or reading my book." It's weird, but once you give yourself permission to have one, you don't have one!

Another very important thing to do is contact your local airport or airlines. Many of them have 'classes' for those who are afraid of flying. They will take you on a plane, just like if you were flying, then they will shut the door. Then they'll start the engine, raise and lower the landing gear, etc., and will explain what each one is and why the noise is normal. The plane never leaves the ground. I hear the classes are very good for those with a fear of flying.

zekat · 05-25-2004, 07:59 PM

I am an absolute TERRIBLE flyer. Hate it, hate it, hate it. I used to be so bad that when we would start to taxi down the runway, I'd end up grabbing the person next to me saying " I hate flying, how about you?". Thank God the people were always nice. Once it actualy ended up being an ex-flight attendant. I fly more than anyone I know and I guess after a while, you kind of get used. I still can't stand it -- like you said, the lack of control. But, there are a couple of things I've learned over the years that at least get me through it.... I would lie if I said I fly sober -- typically I don't, but sometimes I have to and I make it. Usually, I'll get to the airport extra early and drink a couple of drinks and mix myself some vodka or bacardi in a sprite bottle (for the flight before the drink cart comes). I know it's kind of sad, but it gets me there. If you can, get a doctor to prescribe you a large dose of valium and take that if you don't like alcohol. HOWEVER, for the times I need to show up sober, I have a couple of things I remind myself of when something on the flight makes me nervous. 1) by the time I get on the flight, the flight attendants have already been on 2-3 flights THAT DAY... and it's only one day in their life... flight attendants and pilots RETIRE. If there was any type of real threat, they would get hazard pay, ya know. 2) Find the guy in the business suit who lays back and closes his eyes at the beginning of the flight -- if something happens that makes you want to "leave", look at him. If he's ok, your ok. 3) This is debatable, but for me, I HAVE TO HAVE a window seat. I'm not afraid of being up high, so that's not why I freak out. for one thing, the window seat distracts me -- it's absolutely PHENOMENAL!! Wow, really -- everyone should have their head glued to the window of an airplane at 30,000 feet at least once in their life - it's a whole new perspective, you know? I never look during take-off, but at about 10,000 ft, I'll start watching -- it's great and it helps the time go. Mostly though, it distracts me. If I sit in the aisle, I freak out because I don't have anything to take my mind off my worries.

Anyhow, I feel for you, I really do and I TRULY, TRULY understand the fear. However, it's absolutely not worth it to miss out on these experiences in life because of the fear. Think about how many planes took off an landed today without incident -- all those people getting somewhere. It's worth it, it really is. And truthfully, I think if I can ever find it in myself to really let the control go, I might just learn to love flying -- I mean, actually accepting I DON'T HAVE CONTROL might be kind of nice.