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Old 07-15-2004, 07:26 PM   #1
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bertie6 HB User
Question Anxiety and Your Love Life

Anxiety has definitely affected my relationship with my significant other...he wonders why i panic during road trips in the rain (of course i am thinking: accident!) ...or why i dont open up more sometimes...(i dont have social anxiety, but i am introverted, and have had trust issues)...He has tried to be so patient and encouraging and loving with me...but it still frustrates him so much sometimes =(. I am very much serious about changing my mode of thinking, but i do worry that my anxiety and worries will continue causing problems with us.

I love him very much and want him to know that in time I will get better at being more trusting and feeling more at ease with him..but he probably thinks I might not ever get over all these feelings. How does everyone else deal with this?..how do your significant others or even loved ones feel, and how do they deal with the anxiety-part of your life?

 
Old 07-16-2004, 01:32 AM   #2
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Re: Anxiety and Your Love Life

It broke me and my last boyfriend up. I haven't had one since because it sickened me. The first time I went out with him he noticed I wasn't eating much and I had plenty of panic attacks (though he didn't notice, you get good at concealing it) before I met him and in the cinema. He wondered why I wasn't eating very much and after much deliberation I decided to tell him.

He took it well, was quite supportive, but completely misunderstood me as everyone tends to when I tell them I have an anxiety disorder. Eventually, I ended up having to cancel quite a few times (even on Valentine's Day!) because my body would retaliate against it. I would get so nervous I would get really physically ill. So I broke up with him, because I could never meet him and because of other things.

We're still good mates because we do have a lot in common and a lot of the same opinions. But I did find out he said quite nasty things about my anxiety to his friends in school (we went to diff schools but I am friends with a lot of people from his) and I have an online journal where I do most of my bitching about anxiety. I have it friends only but I had forgotten to unlock one - the one where everything was getting to much for me as I got put on anti-d's for the anxiety etc and he called it strange and crazy.

I've had it with boys and anxiety now :P
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Old 07-16-2004, 06:38 AM   #3
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Smith224 HB User
Re: Anxiety and Your Love Life

Anxiety has hurt or prevented my relationships in the past. It sucks when I went out to dinner and had to get up from the table to go to the bathroom to put water on my face or somthing like that. Try to explain that to a date, dont think so. It as effectively stoped the dating thing. On the plus side, I have saved a ton of money.

Fortunitally I am currently with a person who has dealt with similar problems and fully understands what I am going through. She immediately sees the first signs of an attack and does her best to make me get through it.

It still sucks when I get anxiety right before I walk through her door but it passes.

 
Old 07-16-2004, 08:55 AM   #4
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phoebe20 HB User
Re: Anxiety and Your Love Life

what you're all saying is so very familiar! i had a horrible experience with a guy in high school who my friends tried to set me up with. he started calling me a freak and various other hurtful things because i was painfully shy and used to get really panicky around him. that happened with a few guys actually, but my current boyfriend is amazing. he's so patient and, even though he doesn't quite understand why i panic about things, he does his best to accept it. he has to put up with me panicking in public places, in the car, for no reason at all.

 
Old 07-16-2004, 01:27 PM   #5
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bertie6 HB User
Re: Anxiety and Your Love Life

welll, if you have an understanding significant other, than you are very fortunate...=)
I have someone who for the most part understands me, but gets drained when my anxiety and worries get the best of me...I just hope he doesnt give up on me so quickly....=)

 
Old 07-17-2004, 04:26 PM   #6
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Re: Anxiety and Your Love Life

Anxiety is definetly affecting my relationship with my husband although it does seem to be different from your experiences. My anxiety causes fights with my husband, I will sit and worry about something, (usually something very little) and then I end up yelling at him about it. When I do this I feel so out of control I can't think straight, I guess its like a panic attack, but from hearing medical definintions of panic attacks it doesn't seem to fit. My husband is getting so tired of this, and for some reason it has been happening very frequently. It makes me so sad because we could have had a great day today, but I ended up starting a fight and now I see how stupid it was, when he came home he was in such a good mood, now he has a really bad headache from arguing with me and he just seems so distant it scares me that I am going to lose him. I am so scared that I am going to lose him. Can anyone help me?? What can I do to stop this anxiety.

Thanks,
Diana

 
Old 07-18-2004, 01:47 AM   #7
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bertie6 HB User
Re: Anxiety and Your Love Life

It will probably help for both of you to learn more about it...sit down and have a long talk about how much it affects you (in turn affecting him)..and find ways of controlling your anxiety...(abdominal breathing, reducing the negative thinking, etc..)...the more he understands what you are going through, maybe the less he might think it is just some crazy thing you are going through...maybe he can end up helping you deal with it...i encourage both of you very much to read up on it more...and if you need it, maybe seeing a therapist about it...it has helped me to calmly explain to my boyfriend EXACTLY what thoughts are going on inside of me...it has taken a while..but he is slowly seeing where i am coming from..things arent perfect, and we have a long ways to go, but at least it is a bit of progress...every little step towards progress helps...best of luck to you. Rose=)

 
Old 07-18-2004, 08:25 AM   #8
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Re: Anxiety and Your Love Life

Rose,
My husband has been very supportive, and really has been trying to help me. I think the biggest reason he is upset with me is that he feels that I haven't done anything to help myself. He wants me to read about it and keep a journal everyday. It is so hard for me because when it isn't happening I just want to forget about it and that it even exists but I really need to think about it daily. If I did this then I could feel about the good days and feel like I am accomplishing something and more likely if I am doing this it will probably help me not have these anxiety attacks.

I really need a buddy that has anxiety problems also that we can help eachother out, somebody that can keep me accountable to journal and read about my problem, someone that doesn't let me ignore my problem and somebody I can talk when I have bad days. And if I would be able to help someone else out also it would be great to help someone else in return. I have really found that online support groups and email buddies has helped me in the past I lost 20 lbs on Weight watchers and have been able to maintain my loss for 5 months and I think the biggest reason I was so successful is I have had so much support from other people going through the same stuff.

Something that my husband decided to do that he thinks will help me is we are each going to write in a journal everyday to deal with my anxiety, even if there are no problems, so this will also be encouragement when I have bad days, and him writing it will help keep me dealing with it, plus I can see the situation from his point of view. I think this is a really a good idea and could really help me, maybe it could help you as well.
So if you are interested in being my anxiety buddy or if anyone else is let me know!!

It sounds like your boyfriend is being understanding about this also and trying to help you, having somebody there for you is so important to overcoming this.

Diana

 
Old 07-20-2004, 02:50 PM   #9
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Gtpchic31 HB User
Re: Anxiety and Your Love Life

hi, i have panic attacks on top of anxiety and its really hurting my relationship. I never want to do anything do to feeling ill. He always tells me he understands but then he gets so upset when i dont go to his daughters softball games or i dont come over all the time. We also live 30 miles apart so its a long way home if i panic. It hurts me so bad when we fight because its always my fault because i have this stupid illness and he just doesnt seem to understand even though he says hes there for me i dont feel it all thetime.

 
Old 07-20-2004, 07:10 PM   #10
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bertie6 HB User
Re: Anxiety and Your Love Life

I would be more than happy to be a support buddy to anyone on here! I of course would benefit from it, too...=) [ removed ] we can keep this post going regularly for any support that we need.
Gtp, i totally understand where you are coming from. Maybe you can encourage him to learn more about what you were going through. Rose

Last edited by moderator2; 07-20-2004 at 09:03 PM. Reason: Please read the posting rules, Rose! You've already had several posts edited and been on a temporary ban earlier this month. Know & follow the posting rules to avoid loss of your posting privilege

 
Old 07-20-2004, 08:15 PM   #11
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Re: Anxiety and Your Love Life

I wish he would listen to me when i try telling him about it and the support sites i visit. THe funny thing is he suffers from depression also so you would totally think hed been more then willing to understand when i cant or dont feel well enough to go to things.
I also am willing to be support for whoever needs it. Im a great listener

 
Old 07-21-2004, 05:56 PM   #12
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Re: Anxiety and Your Love Life

GTP~ Do not blame yourself!!! My husband said something interesting in our journals the other day (We are writing in a journal everyday to talk about my anxiety, I think it is going to be really helpful!! We just started this on Sunday so we will see!!) Anyway he said that I was born with this through no fault of my own, and he fell in love with someone that had this through no fault of his own, tough luck for both of us, but we both need to work together to fix it.
Does your boyfriend (I'm guessing thats what he is) deal with the fact that he suffers from depression?? Maybe the reason he doesn't want to learn about your problem is because he wants to ignore his problem, just a thought.

Rose~ I'm so glad you want to keep this thread going, I think it will really help me a lot!!!

Let me tell you girls though I really do think this journal thing has been good for us, he has found out a lot about my anxiety and I really think it will help our relationship. I wrote in it the other day that I constantly worry that someone is upset with me, and that is the reason that whenever he is quiet I ask him what is wrong over and over. He said that he always found this annoying but now that he knows it is part of my anxiety he feels differently. Plus we were talking about something the other day, I started to get anxious and usually when we are disagreeing and I get anxious it ends up in a big fight but I stayed calm and it was a normal discussion!! I really think that talking about my anxiety everyday will help me overcome it.

Diana

 
Old 07-22-2004, 11:46 AM   #13
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Re: Anxiety and Your Love Life

Dianah,
yeah he deals with his depression quite well. From what he has said the meds only made side affects worse so he just deals with it. He use to go to a therapist and im trying to get him to go again. I hosnetly dont know why he wont learn about mine issues. He got mad at me today cuz i wanted to go to the mall this weekend and he said that hes not going to count on me since i always break plans. Like i want to hear that, sure makes me feel loved.
Im really glad your husband is so supportive. The journal sound like a really great idea. I think i might talk to the bf about it but start one for my own sake too.

 
Old 07-22-2004, 05:41 PM   #14
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Re: Anxiety and Your Love Life

GTP- Have you guys tried going to the therapist together??? Maybe if you did then the therapist could get him to understand your problem. No matter what though do not blame yourself, it seems to me that you are trying and it doesn't seem that he is trying very hard to understand your situation.

I really suggest trying the journal. Maybe if you write your feelings down maybe you can get him to read it and then he might start to understand it better. Even though he does have depression, it is still different from what you suffer with so it is still probably hard for him to understand. I know that it did take a long time for my husband to understand, It took him a while to realize that this was not something I chose and I didn't want to be that way. (we have been together for almost 5 years so he has defintely had time to deal with this) I think that my dad suffers from the anxiety the same why I do, so maybe my husband recognized the similarities or something.

So defintely try the journal and tell us if it helps you.

Diana

 
Old 07-24-2004, 07:10 AM   #15
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Re: Anxiety and Your Love Life

I dont think hed go to therapy with me, one he wouldnt be able to leave work but i dont know about seeing his therapist together. that is a thought. I am going to try the journal if not for us just for me. It sounds like a great idea. My dad also suffers thats how we recognized it in me and my bf totally understands his situation. I donno we definatly need to work this out because it sure isnt making my anxiety any better. thanks for the advise.

 
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