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Old 07-28-2004, 11:46 AM   #1
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BarbeeGee HB User
"CRYING" FOR HELP

I need advise and don't know where to turn. I have always been a sensitive person but now it has become critical. I cry at the smallest provocation. Just talking about something unpleasant (usually something personal) brings on the tears. If someone hurts my feelings or I simply think they have, I cry and can't stop.

Unfortunately I have to work for a living for another 5 years. I'm 60 and a secretary. There are many times on the job when I would cry because a coworker said something or if a boss had to repremand me or criticize something I did... I try to make up an excuse to leave work because I'm so embarrassed by my behavior. Why can't I be tough like everyone else?
Usually I tell them I'm sick and have to go home. Once I start crying I find it hard to stop. This is so embarrassing and I live in fear of someone saying or doing something that will give me this reaction?

What's wrong with me? I'm tearing up just typing this. Is there a magic pill somewhere that I can take?

Thanks for any advice.
Barbee

 
Old 07-28-2004, 01:10 PM   #2
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monarchangel HB User
Re: "CRYING" FOR HELP

Well, I wouldn't look for a magic pill. Are you on any medications or have you had any life changing events recently? Have you always felt this way? I am a real sensitive person too, and I cry a lot.I get real nervous in certain situations if I feel inferior. But here's the thing: I look at it as a positive thing I embrace. I am real sensitive, which means I care about the people around me and I care about the difference I make in the world. I am sure you feel this way too, so maybe you should stop thinking there is something wrong with you and learn to feel better about yourself. Exercise, take piano lessons, join a reading group, do something positive. Also, you should try to evaluate situations differently. If a coworker upsets you, that is a reflection on them, not you. My biggest problem is that I overanalyze EVERYTHING until I make the situation larger than it really is. But it is an issue, not a problem that I am trying to work on. It is about taking one day at a time and really learning to love yourself for your strengths and weaknesses. I am not a doctor and I am not trying to sound like I am, but I hope this helps you. Maybe you could look at the sel-help books because I have read about 10 and they really do make a difference. Sometimes you alreary have the tools to help yourself, but reading it acts as a reinforcement. Good Luck

 
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Old 07-28-2004, 08:09 PM   #3
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BarbeeGee HB User
Unhappy Re: "CRYING" FOR HELP

Thank you for taking the time to try and help me.

I have tried self-help and positive thinking... it doesn't work because my emotional response is stronger than my thought processes. I KNOW I overreact, I KNOW I personalize... but cannot stop because the hurt and tears come so quickly.

Sometimes i think I may have a lot of self-pity because I have spent my whole life pleasing others, and go out of my way to avoid hurting the feelings of others. Yet, I don't get the same treatment back. It is very frustrating.

As for work... the situation I just came from was unbelieveable. A new boss who didn't want to look bad to his boss made me the scapegoat for all his mistakes. One day in April I told him his behavior was unacceptable and that he could not send a memo to district office saying that I did something that i did not. He refused to change the memo. When I told him... "but it's not true!" He shouted at me to "Shut Up! That's the way it is! If you don't like it you can go home for the rest of the day!" Well, I went home for 6 wks after that on health leave for stress. My union helped me get a transfer to another office which I start Monday. I'm very nervous about that too.

The bosses, the union and the school attorney all told me he was wrong... but that didn't help me any. I had to leave a job I loved because of him.

This is just an example of things that happen to me time and time again and I find it difficult to emotionally cope.

I should mention I was verbally abused in childhood by a overly strict father, then married for 17 years to a verbal and physical abuser. I was scared to death of both of them. So when that man boss yelled... it was all I could take.

Life just doesn't get easier and I'm sick of being the nice person, but don't know how to be anything else. I have DOORMAT written on my forehead.

If I could wish for anything it would be to be tough and assertive. No one picks on the assertive tough girls in the office.

 
Old 07-28-2004, 08:49 PM   #4
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In a tree HB User
Re: "CRYING" FOR HELP

You are not alone. I don't cry about people hurting my feelings (I get mad) but I tear up about everything under the sun.
I tear up in church, school, things I hear on t.v., any kind of program my kids are in, you name it. People tell me I am just tender hearted but this can get really embarassing. I hate it when we are at open house to meet my kid's new teachers and I can't even speak for wiping my eyes.
Not a single day goes by that I don't tear up about something. I don't sob. I simply get wet eyes and if I didn't bite my tongue or something I could go into a full blown sob.
When I am at functions I am usually the only one crying.

 
Old 07-29-2004, 04:18 PM   #5
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hry33 HB Userhry33 HB User
Re: "CRYING" FOR HELP

crrying too much can be treated as a bad habit, you can be gradually desensitised
excess crying will get you little sympathy asnd you should try to stop it

 
Old 07-30-2004, 09:44 AM   #6
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Musical_Muse HB User
Re: "CRYING" FOR HELP

BarbeeGee,
For me, crying has become a way for me to "let out" my frustrations, sadnesses, etc. Normally, though, I am able to wait until a time when I am alone to cry, and I don't tend to cry really often.
Maybe it has become a way for you to release the tension that you're feeling, but, for some reason, you are doing it at seemingly innapropriate times. Have you talked with your doctor about this? Maybe he/she will have some suggestions.

Colleen

 
Old 07-30-2004, 12:27 PM   #7
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candice12 HB User
Re: "CRYING" FOR HELP

Quote:
Originally Posted by In a tree
You are not alone. I don't cry about people hurting my feelings (I get mad) but I tear up about everything under the sun.
I tear up in church, school, things I hear on t.v., any kind of program my kids are in, you name it. People tell me I am just tender hearted but this can get really embarassing. I hate it when we are at open house to meet my kid's new teachers and I can't even speak for wiping my eyes.
Not a single day goes by that I don't tear up about something. I don't sob. I simply get wet eyes and if I didn't bite my tongue or something I could go into a full blown sob.
When I am at functions I am usually the only one crying.
AMEN SISTER! I am the same way!!! I cry over everything, but at the same time I get mad and defensive. I am glad I am not the only one. Everyone always says they have never seen someone so emotional or someone so rediculous about something! It is embarrasing. But I Love that I care so much! I just hate that I get so upset! I don't know what to do. I dont know if I am depressed or if I just need to try and CHILL!

Last edited by candice12; 07-30-2004 at 12:29 PM.

 
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