White Sneakers1

Hi,

It’s great that you are making strides in dealing with your stress and anxiety. That’s hard to do, so kudos!

When it comes to many things in life, everyone deals and handles things at their own pace. It’s awesome that you want to support and encourage your ex-girlfriend. Unfortunately you cannot talk anyone into getting help for a problem until they are ready and motivated to see that they need help, for themselves. And sometimes this takes more than a few tries. A person needs to realize their own needs and goals, and get guidance when they are ready for it.

Sometimes, depending on the situation, trying to persuade someone to get personal help can be more of a burden or stressor than looked at as supportive. If the troubled person is overcome with anxiety (or depression), telling them that they need to get help just adds to the confusion of things.

Generalized Anxiety Disorder, like any other mental health concerns, can impact a person’s life in a big way. But it’s not something that a person just “flips” on or into. GAD is always lurking around, getting in the way of feeling normal and relaxed, making decision making difficult, and making the affected person sometimes feels unworthy or not deserving. Your ex-girlfriend’s anxiety issues may be too much for her to handle, so when you add a relationship to that mix, it might be overwhelming. It doesn’t mean that she broke up with you during an intense GAD moment, or will take you back when her anxious feelings are less. She is telling you something important – the relationship is stressful. You need to listen to that. Sometimes a person needs to do what they can in order to relieve the stress where they can. People who have anxiety disorders sometimes “just get by” and have a true need to simply things so they can cope with themselves and the outside world. She is being painfully honest with you and is telling you what she currently needs to do to help herself.

Be a true, good friend to her and don’t push to maintain a romantic relationship with this woman; I know this is hard to hear and will be difficult for you to stick by. But she is obviously in emotional pain and is doing her best to be honest with you about her needs. Anxiety is a very personal thing, and she is probably trying to figure it all out. You can still be supportive by allowing her this space to find her way, and letting her know that you are there for her if she wants to kick around some ideas to help her deal with her issues when she is ready to push forth on them.

And please, continue to work on your own personal goals and strive to find ways to enrich your own life. It sounds like you are forging your own healthy path! Take good care.