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Old 08-10-2004, 10:28 PM   #1
LIT LIT is offline
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insecure

hiyall

ive been going to a therapist for anxiety related symptoms for a month now
he is trying to help me work it all out

i dont feel it is helping anymore

im slowly getting over the loss of my ex
but ever since then i cant get past anything

im slowly falling back into my old ways
at the mo im feeling very insecure
i feel that everyone is against me again
im having trouble trusting people again
and dont know what to do about it

theres a guy that i met on this board and when he isnt around i feel like he doesnt like me anymore coz he isnt talking as much as he used to
i know that it isnt that
becuase he says that he doesnt like talking when he is depressed

just need help

unsure what is happening

thanks

 
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Old 08-11-2004, 06:46 AM   #2
White Sneakers1
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Smile Re: insecure

Hi LIT,

Everyone feels insecure or "paranoid" on occasion. I look at it as part of the "worrying cycle". It's natural to worry if someone doesn't like you because they seemed to have pulled back or stopped talking to you. And because most people aren't honest about things like that, you do wonder if the reason they are giving you is the real one. For people with anxiety or depressive issues, thoughts and feelings can be impacted in a different way, so a person may be more sensitive or irritated over things. Impacting issues can also make it tough to NOT worry about stuff.

I'm not familiar with you, so I am not sure if you are grieving your boyfriend from from a break-up or a death. My sympathies. Loss is difficult on any level, and it takes time to mourn, heal, and feel yourself again. Don't be too hard on yourself during this time. Everyone takes their own time to get past and get over things. Sometimes it's just about letting time slowly turn things around.

Your feelings of insecurity probably come in "waves", right? Some days you feel that everyone is more against you than on others. As you start to feel better from healing, your days will probably start to pick up, and you won't feel so "me against the world".

Don't stop seeing a therapist at this point! It sounds like you could benefit from some outside guidance. Go easy on yourself and give yourself a break. You obviously are going through some things that are making you feel this way right now. If you feel your therapist isn't helping you out much any more, you should convey those feelings. Maybe you need a new therapy routine, or a different approach to your current problems. Sometimes changing the way you think or react to thoughts and circumstances can be helpful. You should tell your therapist what's going on.

Remember, on some level, we are all struggling. xo

Last edited by White Sneakers1; 08-11-2004 at 06:47 AM.

 
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Old 08-11-2004, 05:41 PM   #3
LIT LIT is offline
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Re: insecure

ok
well a couple of months ago i broke up with me ex
he had schizophrenia

he told me to leave him alone even though at the start he was totally into it

ive realised that as soon as i start feeling something for a guy he pulls away

im slowly getting over all that "going throught the grieving period"
but at the mo i seem to be dealing with other problems

feelings of insecurity, etc
i dont know what trust is
i guess too many people have broken my trust on some leval so i dont know what that is anymore

i analise things too much and dont have fun anymore because i cant focus on one thing for too long

for example i went to see a band the other nite
but by the time they came on the stage i was over the whole thing and just wanted to go

i think boredom is a massive part of my problem

cant explain it

i just think its more than missing my ex

anyhow

thanks 4 listening

 
Old 08-12-2004, 08:38 AM   #4
White Sneakers1
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Smile Re: insecure

I'm sorry you are going through the healing process of an ending relationship. No matter what the reason, most times breaking up is very difficult and leave a person with a whole bunch of feelings - and sometimes it's hard to know what to do with all those feelings initially.

Boredom at some degree can make a person depressed and/or anxious.

Since you now will probably have extra time on your hands, you may want to find something JUST FOR YOU to do that not only keeps you occupied, but is beneficial in some way.

By beneficial, I mean that something you can do for yourself to inspire a better and relaxed mood and/or better physical health. Even though you may have some depressed or anxious feelings that may prevent you from wanting to do much (like when you wanted to go home once you got out to see the band), you can still find some events to do that may be better suited to your current mood, a little bit low-key:

Walking or jogging in the park.
Sitting in the sunshine and reading a good book.
Getting together with friends or family to rent a good movie and order out pizza.
Lifting weights (you can do this at home to your favorite music).
Staying up late on weekends to try to look for shooting stars.
Gardening.

You get the idea!

I went through a very impacting break-up in my 20's. I missed him and our routine so much that I decided to get a second job (part-time in the evenings) just so I wouldn't feel so lonely every night. I understand how impacting breaking up can be, even if it's for a good reason. During the time it took me to emotionally heal from that, I did not want to go out or "party". I was content to do things quietly and spent a lot of time by myself. It was difficult me to focus on many things, or have energy or enthusiasm for too much. Over time, I bounced back and it was nice when I felt an attraction for someone else again. At this time, I didn't think I would honestly feel anything for anyone or anything again.

Remember, go easy on yourself. This is also a time for you to get to know YOU better. So when you feel like it, try doing something different (a new hobby for example). It's important to be content with yourself so the next break up won't feel so impacting from an "I feel alone" standpoint.

Wishing you a nice day. xo

 
Old 08-15-2004, 06:07 PM   #5
LIT LIT is offline
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(female)
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: australia
Posts: 160
LIT HB User
Re: insecure

hiya

what u say makes sooo much sense
and u are totally right

im trying to put my life on track again
the 'grieving' process for my ex is going ok
its jsut all the mess thats left behind after that i guess


it just triggered something in me that i didnt like seeing in myself
and that is still with me at the moment

i am starting to set some long time goals for myself and need to set some smaller ones for myself now

i just feel that i want so much out of life
but get so scared to face my fears and do it


anyway
thanks again

 
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