It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Anxiety Message Board


Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 09-17-2004, 12:10 PM   #1
Inactive
(female)
 
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Blairsville, PA, USA
Posts: 26
mrswhytee HB User
Unhappy Fear of becoming pregnant and/or having a baby!

Hello All!

Here is the biggest baby in the world! Since November of 2003 I have been thinking about having a baby or being pregnant, noticing kids all of the time etc. I have major concerns about becoming pregnant and or having a baby. They are stupid when I sit back and think about them but I just can't get over them and time is running out. I am 31 years old, yes, 31 and I am scared to death so hear they are........I am terrified of the pain and I want a c-section but am told by friends that that won't happen by request. I was raised in a superstitious family and was always told a birth means a death, yes there is one of the stupid ones, I have been trying to work through that one to no avail, it always surfaces. I'm afraid of my temper although everyone says that it will all work out once the baby comes. I used to be dead set against having kids, but now I notice them ALL the time and the thoughts consume me daily from the time I get up until I fall asleep. I know it would be great news for my husband because he wants one very badly. I know that the pain can be minimized by an epidural, but I have heard horror stories about them. I have a major phobia about needles but have said to myself that I can handle that as long as my hubby is there with me, that is how I get blood work done. I'm majorly worried that if I have one that it will have some sort of handicap, I know everyone is worried about that but here I am, over analyzing everything. I have tried to read the book, what to expect when you're expecting, but it didn't help. I asked all kinds of questions to everyone that I can and still can't get myself over the fears. I only one ovary and fallopian tube both on the same side, and back when I had to have it removed, my ob told me that if I didn't get pregnant within a year my chances would go down from there. I haven't been able to find out any statistics on that but that only scares me occasionally. I do take birth control pills, and have been for quite a long time, I have been tossing around the decision to go off of them and see what happens but can't bring myself to make that decision. I have often wished to get pregnant while I was on the pill so that I wouldn't have to make the decision. Other thoughts I have are my mother and mother-in-law especially her, they are both the type of people that have been there done that, and they have intimidated me to the point of thinking that I can't do it. My question is, how do I work through my fears and thoughts and get on with this, because I am more sad thinking that I haven't had any yet,but just can't say to my hubby lets make a baby. Any help or advice is appreciated.

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 09-17-2004, 12:26 PM   #2
Veteran
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Posts: 326
happymom2b HB User
Re: Fear of becoming pregnant and/or having a baby!

First, if any chance you are in Canada, you can have a c-section if you want. It is YOUR choice.. not the doctors.... it is your body.

Sounds like maybe seeing a councellor or pastor or nurse or something like that would be the best thing for you. How is your husband reacting to your fears?

As for your fears themselves... I had them too, but they passed once I was pregnant and especially as the months passed. Women have been having babies for centuries and most make out fine... espcially with all the technology we have today.

I wish you the best of luck and God Bless.
__________________
Ethan James born May 26th, 2004 at 3:55 p.m. weighing 7 pounds 3 ounces.

 
Old 09-17-2004, 12:56 PM   #3
Junior Member
 
Join Date: May 2003
Posts: 34
anxious and confused HB User
Re: Fear of becoming pregnant and/or having a baby!

I have most of the same fears. I am afraid of pain, so the thoughts of labor and delivery scare me to death. I won't want an epidural though due to the needle and things that I have heard. Due to some personal issues, I run the risk of possibly having a C-section. That scares me to death as well. I'd rather do the natural if I choose to do this at all! But I am also scared to choose not to ever do this and then regret it when I am 90. Like you, I've wished for an "oops" so the decision doesn't have to be made. I'm on the pill and can't bring myself to stop taking it.

I also have the fear of money, work, daycare, etc. etc. People do this everyday....why can't I just make a decision and then just do it??

So, know that you are not alone with all of your fears.

 
Old 09-17-2004, 01:39 PM   #4
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Colorado
Posts: 2,199
nyxin HB Usernyxin HB Usernyxin HB User
Re: Fear of becoming pregnant and/or having a baby!

obviously having a baby is a very big deal. i can't see the logic in hoping for an "oopsie" but i suppose there are just as many accident babies as planned babies. but i don't know about a planned oopsie. everyone has those fears on some level, really, they do. i was not hoping for an accident to make my descision, it just happened. my son is now 14 months old and i love him more than anything ever. i am now expecting #2. (planned) as far as the pain goes, no one can tell you for sure what your labor and delivery will be like. mine was near fatal to both my son and i so most people are shocked to hear i am up to bat again. the simple fact, in my case anyway is that the pain and misery that i went through was nothing compared to this absolutley outstanding person that i have brought into the world.
i think it is good that you have some fears because they are all valid. too often people go into a "whatever" attitude about having a baby and then they are so unhappy when reality strikes. the bottom line is this: (IMO)
does it hurt? yeah it hurts, but they have drugs for that. does an epidural run risks? yeah, but not as much as driving a car on the highway. does having a baby change your life? no doubt. 100%, but it is up to you and your partner if that is for the better or the worse. do you have a choice? this is something that you have total control over. if you want to have a baby, but not the pain, adopt. if you want one of your own there are surrogates (sp?) if you are not sure if you can handle kids in general, voulenteer for some programs to get you around them more. and if you simply can not get over this anxiety, talk to a professional about what route you should take before making a choice. i can not imagine that you will feel any better about it if you should just happen to become pregnant. in fact i personally think it will compound the situation. use the resources that you have to make the most educated choice possible. this is a very big deal to throw to chance.
__________________
Married October 02
DS Caden Grey June 03
DS Morgan Keenan March 05
C-Section Aug 1st 08 with baby BOY #3
OMG!!!!!!!!!!!

 
Old 09-17-2004, 03:55 PM   #5
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 1,196
barton93 HB User
Re: Fear of becoming pregnant and/or having a baby!

Most everyone fears not so much the pregnancy, but giving birth.....I know I sure did. I have 2 children (10 years old and 5 years old). My first child was a c-section and my 2nd was a vaginal delivery. With my 1st child........I had the epidural and it worked........took all of my pain away. Well it was short lived. After 13 hours of labor, I wasn't progressing (I had only dilated to 4 cm.....and then my daughter ingested meconium) so I ended up needing a c-section. Well, my epidural wore off completely when they started my c-section. So, yeah..........I felt everything. I had to be put to sleep for the remainder of my surgery.......so, I was not awake when my daughter was born, which devastated me for years because I felt jipped. The recovery from my c-section was absolutely horrific. My daughter was a good sized baby, and she was stuck. I think with most c-sections there is about a 5, maybe 6 inch incision made...........my daughter was jammed so far down that my incision is almost from hip to hip. My recovery was horrible. I was in so much pain........you don't realize how much you use your stomach muscles until they are messed with. Everything hurt.......sneezing, coughing, going to the bathroom, sitting, standing...........everything!!! But, it didn't stop me from having more children. Bottom line is this.............I survived!!!

With my son, I had a vaginal delivery. I was in labor for 26 hours........and again, the epidural failed me. It worked for about 15 minutes..........and then the doctor had it removed. So, basically my entire labor was unmedicated, not by choice though.....and I ended up giving birth vaginally. Compared to my c-section.........that was a walk in the park. It was so easy. Yeah, my labor was longer........but the recovery was like a dream compared to what I experienced with my recovery from my c-section.

If I were to ever have another child........I would definately go for another vaginal delivery because it was so much easier. I will say that there are lots of women who have good experiences with c-sections though, and if given the choice.......they would never have a vaginal birth.

Either way you look at it...........no matter how hard or easy your pregnancy and your labor and delivery is.............it is all so worth it in the end. There is nothing sweeter than the sound of hearing your childs first cry and the never ending journey of parenting. I would do it all over again and again if I could afford it.

 
Old 09-20-2004, 04:22 AM   #6
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 1,402
Kiera1595 HB User
Re: Fear of becoming pregnant and/or having a baby!

I agree with the person who said that perhaps you should talk to a professional. I think you just need to talk through some of your issues. Then when you are ready to start trying, find a doctor who will let you choose to have a c-section if you want. I had a c-section with my 1st. Not planned. The recovery was tough...but I was kinda relieved that I didn't have it vaginally because I was very scared. But, the recovery from a vaginal delivery is much faster! I had an epidural...it worked like a charm. They are a tricky thing...the doctor cannot see inside of your spinal cord when giving it, so sometimes they do not take or take well, but most of the time they do and you feel NOTHING. When it goes in it hurts a bit, everyone has a different tolerance to pain. I can say that I was in so much pain from labor I was glad for the little pinch of the epidural that made all my pain go away! Every woman is afraid of having a child with a disability. I'm expecting #2 and I have the same fear. There are some tests that can be done during pregnancy to help predict certain problems if that makes you feel any better. 31 is not old at all to have a baby. I think that you are taking a great step in asking for help! I think that you will find that help is abundant and around every corner when it comes to pregnancy and raising children. Every issue you could have will have it's experts, clubs, support groups, help lines. Good luck!

 
Old 09-20-2004, 06:18 AM   #7
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Michigan
Posts: 2,260
jmcummins3 HB User
Re: Fear of becoming pregnant and/or having a baby!

I just wanted to say that I am 31 and expecing baby number 2 in April. I was pregnant with my daughter 10 years ago, so I have all of the same fears all over again. Women do live through the pain of childbirth. Believe me, I am the biggest baby EVER. I had an epidural (I have such a weak stomach I couldn't watch the videos in my childbirth classes, so I had NO idea what it was, but I can tell you it was a lifesaver - now that I know what it is, I am scared to death to do it again, but I swear I couldn't get through labor without it). Anyway, I just wanted to say that you should definitely talk this through with a professional so you can make up your mind for sure one way or the other with no regrets. As far as life for death, just think of that as life as you know it now will cease to exist the moment you have a baby. You give up life with just the 2 of you for life with the 3 of you which is a very different, but rewarding life. Good luck with your decision.

 
Old 10-06-2004, 07:40 PM   #8
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: ct
Posts: 24
jwass HB User
Re: Fear of becoming pregnant and/or having a baby!

Quote:
Originally Posted by mrswhytee
Hello All!

Here is the biggest baby in the world! Since November of 2003 I have been thinking about having a baby or being pregnant, noticing kids all of the time etc. I have major concerns about becoming pregnant and or having a baby. They are stupid when I sit back and think about them but I just can't get over them and time is running out. I am 31 years old, yes, 31 and I am scared to death so hear they are........I am terrified of the pain and I want a c-section but am told by friends that that won't happen by request. I was raised in a superstitious family and was always told a birth means a death, yes there is one of the stupid ones, I have been trying to work through that one to no avail, it always surfaces. I'm afraid of my temper although everyone says that it will all work out once the baby comes. I used to be dead set against having kids, but now I notice them ALL the time and the thoughts consume me daily from the time I get up until I fall asleep. I know it would be great news for my husband because he wants one very badly. I know that the pain can be minimized by an epidural, but I have heard horror stories about them. I have a major phobia about needles but have said to myself that I can handle that as long as my hubby is there with me, that is how I get blood work done. I'm majorly worried that if I have one that it will have some sort of handicap, I know everyone is worried about that but here I am, over analyzing everything. I have tried to read the book, what to expect when you're expecting, but it didn't help. I asked all kinds of questions to everyone that I can and still can't get myself over the fears. I only one ovary and fallopian tube both on the same side, and back when I had to have it removed, my ob told me that if I didn't get pregnant within a year my chances would go down from there. I haven't been able to find out any statistics on that but that only scares me occasionally. I do take birth control pills, and have been for quite a long time, I have been tossing around the decision to go off of them and see what happens but can't bring myself to make that decision. I have often wished to get pregnant while I was on the pill so that I wouldn't have to make the decision. Other thoughts I have are my mother and mother-in-law especially her, they are both the type of people that have been there done that, and they have intimidated me to the point of thinking that I can't do it. My question is, how do I work through my fears and thoughts and get on with this, because I am more sad thinking that I haven't had any yet,but just can't say to my hubby lets make a baby. Any help or advice is appreciated.
hi there-

i am 32 and am experiencing similiar concerns and fears. i have been so "stuck" in this decision. i know i want to be a mommy and have children, but i have not felt totally ready and able to make the decision. however, i know that you're never really "ready" for the changes that are coming your way after having a baby!
i have had friends who had c-sections and friends who gave birth vaginally. there are pluses and minuses to each. i would almost be more scared to choose that for myself knowing there are risks to both. my personality, i would probably doubt my decision, whatever one it was!

my husband also wants children now. he is having a hard time with my fears b/c he's so ready and wishes i could just "move forward" with him. he understands, but we're not getting any younger. i think we all just have to make "choices" for ourselves whenever we can. it can be very powerful. but it takes a lot of strength and courage to make that choice for the unknown. but it is a choice (hopefully, G-d willing we all can get pregnant without problems).

at this point, if all is well with you and your marriage...and you want children as you say you do...you probably have more to lose in waiting. that's the reality i am looking at right now. you could wait forever. i analyze everything. it hasn't been good for me. my marriage, all my relationships, my career path...all my decisions. it really can be stifling. i kind of feel i am missing out on life whenever i am in analytical mode. also goes with type a personality and people who are perfectionists. they never like feeling out of control. i don't know if this speaks to you, but it has been my experience and something i am trying to change for myself and my life.

please feel free to write again if you have anything you want to discuss more.

 
Old 10-07-2004, 09:27 AM   #9
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: usa
Posts: 1,536
Timber HB UserTimber HB User
Re: Fear of becoming pregnant and/or having a baby!

C-Sections are more painful than natural birth, and the pain lasts for days and days instead of a few hours.

C-Sections are much more dangerous for your health and your baby's health than vaginal birth.

 
Old 10-07-2004, 10:33 AM   #10
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,538
kierrasmommy HB User
Re: Fear of becoming pregnant and/or having a baby!

I agree that you need to speak with a cousellor to help you overcome some of your fears and help you analize your decision so it's one you are happy with for the rest of your life. Having a baby is a life time commitment and if you are having reservations about it you need to address them before you take the next step or you may end up regretting it. As for the death with every birth, I have heard that too, "there is always a death witin 6 months of a birth"...but if you think about it...even if there isn't a birth there is always going to be a death...everyone ages and they don't just hold off for a birth before they go...I have alot of very old relatives right now and I know it's only a matter of time and me having a baby has no affect on that, it's nature. I am 30 right now and TTC baby#2, no days age really doesn't make as much of a difference as it did when our parents were TTC. And the patience thing, it is true what they say about having more patience with your own kids than with anyone elses...I have always loved kids but know that I have more patience with my own daughter. And I am also a perfectionist but over time have found that having kids makes you let loose a little. I am not as nit picky as I used to be. My daughter makes a mess during the day and I let her...she has toys EVERYWHERE, after she goes to bed the perfectionist comes out and the house is tidy by the time I go to bed. For me pregnancy was tough at times...especially when I was staring into the toilet puking my lunch, or when my bones and muscles ached, or the last few weeks when I went into labor and just seemed to stay at a standstill...but I always looked at the bright side and would visualize the wonderful reward all the my effort would bring...our precious baby. And when delivery day came, yes it was painful, but I took the epidural when I couldn't take it anymore and it was well worth all the pain. AS for epidurals they have very small odds of complications...the anestheseologist explained it before I agreed and if I remember right there is only a 1 in 100 000 chance you would have paralysis...and I'm sure as years go by that # gets even smaller. It is extremely rare. I know alot of friends who had them and the only person who had a complication was because the needle leaked a bit of spinal fluid which caused a headache but they have a procedure to stop that too so it all turned out fine. I too am very needle phobic, I HATE needles, but by the time I asked for the epidural my contractions were so intense that the procedure for the epidural was nothing really. I don't even remember it hurting because I was having a contraction while it was being inserted. And I can tell you, it was so nice afterward....I actually told the anestheseologist I loved him! Recovery after delivery was good, I was only in a bit of pain when I would sit for a couple of days but probably because I had a couple stitches from a tear. Now that we are TTC again, I look back at my pregnancy and delivery and I am actually excited to be going through it all again, so the pain can't be all that bad if women do it again and again...my grandma had 17 kids...and that was before thay had epidurals! Sorry so long...but I tried to touch base with all your concerns! Goodluck with your decision, keep us posted. Oh and don't let the mother/mother in law get to you. Maybe you need to come up with a cute but to the point remark so they know what you mean and let you be. Whatever your desicion, you will be able to handle it...and what they think you can or cannot handle is irrelevant...they are not walking in your shoes. Oh and one last thing...sorry...my husband and I were together for 11 years (10 years before we started TTC) when our daughter was born and she was well worth the wait!

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
Pregnant .... Ocd ... Fear of intentionally hurting a baby Suzanne 4444 Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) 7 01-14-2010 12:00 PM
I need help with taking Klonopin for panic disorder / agoraphobia / fear of meds ryguy79 Phobias 8 12-29-2008 06:32 PM
my fear of death during labor ktydids Women's Health 7 09-16-2008 03:25 AM
Fear of childbirth keeping me from having a baby Fiona84 Women's Health 11 04-07-2008 07:20 PM
Intense fear of throwing up in public? afcSophie Anxiety 3 02-16-2008 08:14 AM




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Join Our Newsletter

Stay healthy through tips curated by our health experts.

Whoops,

There was a problem adding your email Try again

Thank You

Your email has been added




Top 10 Drugs Discussed on this Board.
(Go to DrugTalk.com for complete list)
Ativan
Celexa Effexor
Klonopin
Lexapro
  Paxil
Prozac
Valium
Xanax
Zoloft




TOP THANKED CONTRIBUTORS



ms_mod (56), Foxxii (26), d0ink (25), Frank Furter (16), Jagraal (15), Shae794 (9), iluv (9), Skip4 (9), slenderella (8), tygriff (8)

Site Wide Totals

teteri66 (1177), MSJayhawk (1004), Apollo123 (903), Titchou (847), janewhite1 (823), Gabriel (758), ladybud (753), sammy64 (668), midwest1 (668), BlueSkies14 (610)



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 09:34 PM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!