Originally Posted by Pez Dee Spencer
Well here I am still. For anyone that hasnt read any of my previous posts I am a 28 year old male that recently quit a hardcore weed smoking habit.
Ive been smoking for about 15 or so years off and on but the last 2 years since I quit booze I smoked mulitple times a day EVERYDAY. I was smoking my own weed so I know it was not "laced" as others have suggested it was just really super duper potent stuff.
Anyway the first week was great. I had more energy and felt great about finally bieng totally drug free. That is until the second week when the anxiety set in.
I have always had the occaisonal panic attack here or there but it was never anything I couldnt deal with. I usually just attributed it to too much weed or beer.
Anyway when I quit drinking after a month long binge I went through what I would guess were DT's. Shakiness, EXTREME anxiety, sweating, figitey, etc..... but after about 4 days I was ok again and just drank a single beer or two when it got too bad.
For the past 2 weeks Its like Im back in that state of DT's again but WAY worse. the only thing is that now I dont sweat buckets like then but the anxiety and overpowering nervousness is here.
About 2 days into this I felt like I couldnt get a breath and went to the ER. They said anxiety (I didnt tell them about my recent quitting of weed because I figured they would just say it was from that right off the bat). They gave me 15 1mg ativans and sent me on my way.
I dont have insurance (never have) and I really dont know if they would have done more for me or not if I had insurance. I did get hooked up with a clinic in a nearby city but when I went in the doc gave me buspar which does nothing but make my palpitations worse. I get the palpitations from a heart defect and thats the reason I quit smoking dope was because they felt like they were getting worse and besides it was time to quit the weed anyway.
SO..... I went to a doctor I saw as a kid and paid out of pocket which literally broke me at this point in time and he gave me 30 more ativans. and said to just talk to the "doctor" at the clinic when I go back in a month. I tried calling up there but to be honest its 50 miles away and they aren't really exactly friendly there. Ive been taking about 1mg of ativan a day for a couple weeks now and my anxiety is still there. its only better when I take the pills. Im afraid of getting hooked on these pills but I really dont care anymore. Anything is better than the anxiety. Ive read all the stuff about benzo withdrawals but right now I DONT CARE about that all I want is this anxiety to GO AWAY.
Going out and buying some weed is not an option becasue I know nobody that smokes or anything besides that will just probably just make this worse at the this point.
Since the clinic I went to is a welfare type clinic Im pretty sure that they aint gonna hand out valium, xanax, ativan or the like under ANY circumstances or else every junkie in town will be there sreaming anxiety.
How much longer till Im facing problems getting off these pills?? I only took .25mg yesterday and white knuckled the rest but it was hell. I wasnt craving the pills I just wanted to anxiety to go away and thats the reason I kept thinking about them.
Paxil or some other "brain drug" as I call it aint happening either. NO WAY. Ativan or xanax might be addictive as hell but at least it dont make me a zombie. Benzos work NOW and they work GOOD (at least for a few hours).
Im at the end of my rope. I dont know what to do the only other option I have left is drinking and if I start back up drinking I aint gonna live long cause once I start drinking I dont stop. But to be honest I really dont care if the drinking kills me. If I didnt have these pills to take you bet Id be in the bottle anyway. Id rather live 1 more year happy than 50 more like this. I feel like im on the edge all the time and I dont even know what it feels like to totally relax. I shake like a leaf all the time and its begininng to feel like im living in some kind of dream world where Im on the outside looking in. Im so jealous of others that dont have to go through this.
Please give me some advice.
It's not the addiction part that will be bad about Ativan, it's if you develop a tolerance...then you get to go into withdrawals while still on the med, or end up taking such high doses you end up abusing them.
Yeah, been there, done that with Ativan myself....but never abused; in fact, it was my doc who said I should take more although my dose was already high. I just didn't agree with him that taking more was ok so I got off and went through protracted withdrawal syndrome. But I had developed a good tolerance and felt it was time to either go down with a sinking ship or jump and try to swim on my own.
I won't lie; it was tough. Wasn't sure if life was really worth living at that point although I had no desire to leave my family who I love to pieces and I'm Catholic so I believe in saving life whenever possible. But some days I just prayed for an aneurism, heart attack, or something to strike.
So I bit the bullet. But, I survived after all, got much better and now I feel like I'm even tougher than before in some ways.
If I can do it, anyone can believe me. I don't know what pot withdrawal is like.....I am sure it is tough too but if you would hang in there I'm sure eventually you would feel much better. But taking more drugs just continues the cycle and the brain can't get back on track.
Look, I know it sucks. But do you want to continue down this road or try a different route? The final destination may be better if you do.
I think it would be ok to take some Ativan for now, small dose every once in awhile for the rough spots, but a very small dose and try not to take it everyday to avoid any severe dependancy(aka physical addiction).
Try some things that help sooth nerves like chammomile tea, milk (yes it calms and has tryptophan), deep breathing, and light exercise (intil you can do more). I found myself getting very calm after a session of something as simple as stretching...that's a good start.
Eat protein foods with carbohydrate(carbs help convert tryptophan into serotonin, the feel good chemical).
I've heard some people mention an herbal anxiety remedy called Bach's Rescue Remedy but have no personal experience with it.
Some people swear by magnesium. Omega 3's are supposed to be very good for the brain.
Good luck. At least you've made the good decision to stay off the pot and alcohol, some people don't even do that so you've got a good start here..