equivocated

i posted here a little while ago, but the story has thickened...
i have NO idea what to do, and i don't see my counsellor until thursday.

i met a girl on the internet, and we became very close very quickly. we talked on the phone soon afterwards, and fell in love? i guess as much as you can with someone over the phone, with pictures, etc.

the night before she is scheduled to arrive to visit me, her dad dies. her mom had died 10 months earlier, and she went into complete panic mode. i wanted to help, but i'm the middle of work, school, etc... so i give up everything that isn't mandatory in my life to spend the time talking to her, and helping her cope over the phone.

she flies to australia for the funeral, (her mom was buried in australia, so in the will her father had requested to be beside her) ... and finds out she gets custody of her 11 year old sister. they're staying with their grandparents, and her grandparents get in a sudden car accident and also die.

with a lot of baggage, (mentally, of course) they fly back to new york (where they had been living) and plan to grieve and settle some lawyer things there. then i told her that her and her sister could come and live with me, and we would start our news lives together.

the morning when they were scheduled to arrive on the plane, her sister gets apendicitis (from the stress) and has to get an operation. i'm completely stressed at this point. (i have really bad anxiety as it is, and i keep giving up so much for this girl) she gets better and they book another flight.

they were supposed to arrive one week ago, but then her sister (11 year old) ends up going into a series of huge panic attacks, and they don't come. her older sister (who is 27) flies out to be with them and help them get better. i offered to fly out and be with THEM since obviously them coming here is just not happening, but they won't let me. the older sister says it's not fair for someone else to come out during such bad times.

i'm trying to continue being a support on the phone, and this girl and i talked about getting married this summer...

but what am i supposed to do?!?

i have BAD anxiety... and this plus a few other things were on my plate and i ended up having really bad anxiety attacks last weekend, and i was in the hospital saturday night...

then i got a note from my doctor to be on sick leave for a week...

but i'm supposed to start work again tomorrow...

i want to continue to be a support for her...

but i can barely help myself...

i'm about to snap.

if i miss another week of work, i won't be able to make rent...

i want to feel good... but i always get this huge guilt if i can't make other people happy... especially someone who loves me so much...

i'll just post this now, but there's so much more...