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Bad night..cant take it much longer

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Old 08-25-2005, 07:11 PM   #1
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Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Wisconsin
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missy101 HB User
Bad night..cant take it much longer

We went out to dinner. And all of a sudden I tasted blood. I have this thing on my tongue from when I was pregnant - an enlarged blood vessel. It was suppose to go away after having baby, but hasnt. Doesnt hurt or anything, so I never think about it. But once in a while it will bleed. Not alot, but noticable. I went into the bathroom and wiped my tongue on a tissue and there was blood. Then I looked in the mirror at the sore and it wasnt bleeding. The blood stopped but I got this huge rush of thought that something was terribly wrong. I thought immediatly of a pulmonary or stomach blood clot. I could not get it out of my head and I was Freaking out. I went in the parking lot and called my mom to try to calm myself down. We ended up leaving and taking our food home. I felt terrible. All night I have been on the phone with my mom, my counsler, and a RN from our insurance phone line. I have been bawling all night. I am so sick of this fear. I am so sick of thinking that I am dying. I do not want to die. And I cannot seem to convince myself even NOW that it isnt something physically wrong. I also had a little blood when I went to the bathroom. Just a tiny bit. So I keep thinking all these terrible things. I am so scared. I am so tired. I am so wanting this to STOP. I want to enjoy my time here..please help me..someone out there in this universe..please hear me..please help me.

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Old 08-25-2005, 08:19 PM   #2
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Join Date: Jun 2005
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tnmomofive HB User
Re: Bad night..cant take it much longer

hi Cheer
I am prob not the help you need,but I do know what your feeling and going through.I feel like that 24/7 when the anxiety about my health is severe.
I have been this same way for about a month now just a different self disgnosed health issue.I fear dying just like you and leaving my 5 kids.I have lost alot of sleep this past month due to this and remain anxious almost constant.I have gotten help though I have Ativan to take as I feel needed,which I sometimes at night so I can get at least a bit of sleep.I started taking Lexapro 2 days ago,but of course those will take at least a few weeks to kick in good.SO do you take any meds? or see a therapist or anything? if not I think you should as soon as possible,or just take it to your general practitioner.I would ask about that vein still being that way too that way too talking to the doctor can give you peace of mind.I dont think you are going to die or anything close you are just worrying,diagnosing yourself and panicking out.Anxiety attacks are is good you have your mom there for you as you do and that nurse as well.I hope you will feel better real soon .......remember go to your doctor

take care

Old 08-25-2005, 08:39 PM   #3
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 51
WantToManage HB User
Re: Bad night..cant take it much longer

Hi Cheers,

Periodically in my life I have been crippled with anxiety about health issues and my heart goes out to you now.

Hope this can add a little humor and perspective to your current situation -- this is one example among many over the years: I missed days of work back in 1983 when I was truly convinced I had stomach cancer. I'm writing to you now in 2005. 'Nuff said. This is not meant in any way to put down what you're writing today -- just trying to show that so many of us have these feelings day in and day out, throughout every generation. If you're truly concerned, go to the doctor to do tests and be reassured. I'm confident that you're fine.

I'm not sure how old your baby is, but I know that when my son was young, I was very prone to health anxiety on his part and my own.

Best of luck -- I'm thankful for forums like this one for people who share similar problems to share their thoughts/fears with each other. I find it very helpful!

Old 08-26-2005, 08:02 AM   #4
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missy101 HB User
Re: Bad night..cant take it much longer

Thank you for your responses.

I am still feeling so tense and just yucky. I took some ativan this morning to help with this. It is a beautiful day and I want to be able to enjoy it!! I hate this tightness in my throat and chest. I tried to get in to see my counsler today, but he has no openings. Then I called my Psychiatrist to see if I should increase the klonopin, but he is off today. AARRGGGG.

I am so sick of this fear of death. I know it all comes down to learning to accept death. Accept I have no control over when it will occur. I need to LIVE my life instead of being crippled by fear of losing it.

Thanks for listening. It really helps to be able to 'talk' to someone.

Old 08-26-2005, 04:58 PM   #5
Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 458
Marirose HB User
Re: Bad night..cant take it much longer

Hey Cheers - Read your post and I can SO relate! I am a mom to six, and I have been terrified at times of dying and leaving them. I know EXACTLY what you are talking about. All I can say is you have to stick with the meds., try to relax, keep seeing your counselor and stay here on this board with us. Believe me, the stories you will read will make you realize that you are not alone. Like the one poster said about stomach cancer, I convinced myself I had AIDS 11 years ago....I had no symptoms, no risk factors, just some little night sweats ( I was newly pregnant and didn't know it yet), but my OB tests all patients for HIV/AIDS, and I spent the ten days waiting for the blood work to come back convinced that I was dying and leaving my sons and unborn baby behind. It was SO scary, but obviously not true. I had a terrible day yesterday, and woke up to a much brighter day today, so just realize that there will be ups and downs in your recovery. In January, I would have said 90% of my days were bad, now I say 95% of my days are GREAT! So hang in there and keep posting. This is a great place to be helped through your problems and to share your joys in recovery...Keep your chin up... How old is your little one? Best wishes, Marirose

Old 08-26-2005, 06:15 PM   #6
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Join Date: Aug 2005
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missy101 HB User
Re: Bad night..cant take it much longer

Thank you so much for responding. I so appreciate having a place to discuss these things.

I was so much better for so long. Through out my entire pregnancy I was great. But in these last months, it has been progressivly worse. When I get a certain physical feeling (for example, right now my left chest/breast hurts off and on) I automatically catastrophize the symtoms. I think that it is definatly dangerous and I will probably die. I cannot rationalize my way out of those thoughts. I know that I have had many heart tests (EKGs, Echo, blood work, Holter)...but I will still think I may be having a heart attack. I know that I am not having pain with breathing and am not at risk for blood clots, but yet I will be certain I am having a pulmonary embolis. I did see my counsler today and he said that I really need to work on my death issues and my acceptance of death. I dont know how I will ever lick this compulsion and fear.

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