My boyfriend suffers from Anxiety - Anxiety Message Board

Coco11 · 10-04-2005, 08:07 AM

Hello,
My name is Jojo and I’m just looking for some advice. I recently discovered that my boyfriend suffers from anxiety.
I've being going out with my boyfriend for 5 year, most of them brilliant. Of late things have changed, he really changed like he didn’t care alot of the time anymore, but I do now know he still does. We broke up two week ago & I’m so worried about him. I found a pack of Lexapro in his room, he doesn't know I did.
I didn't realise at the time, when we were going out, but when I think of all the symptoms he had such as constant worry, pushing people away, unable to cop in certain situations, nose bleeds, racing heart I realise he's suffers from anxiety.
I just don’t know what to do. I want him to know I’m here for him but I also want to give him to space he needs to get through this. I cant tell him I found the packet either.
I'm so afraid we'll throw everything away because he can’t identify the problem, I’m afraid that he’ll think it as me whos making him unhappy, but I just want him to be happy. If I had have known at the time I would have been so much more understanding of him & I don’t think our problem would have gotten to this stage.
He doesn't have many close friends to talk about things to. I just think it will be so bad if he doesn’t talk to the ones who know him best. What should I do?
Maybe someone who has been in a similar situation might have some advise for me?

Coco11 · 10-05-2005, 10:12 AM

I'm just bumping it up.
Hopefully someone can shed some light?!

mjewell · 10-05-2005, 10:28 AM

Jojo-

Sorry, i read this post the other day and wasn't sure how to respond. I guess what I would do if I were in your situation is give him a call and let him know that even though the two of oyu are broken up, you are still there for him no matter what. Basically tell him what you told us - that you want to give him his space but let him know that any time he needs to talk to someone you are that person, and that you care about him deeply.

I know guys handle things differently than girls, I am pretty open about my anxiety but guys may not be as open, so I'm not sure how to approach that topic. Maybe just say whatever he is going through you care about him no matter what and you are willing to help in any way you can. He may feel ashamed or embarrassed about his anxiety, so I guess just reassure him that it doesn't bother you or something.

Doubt I helped much, but you seem like a realy nice understanding person so I hope things work out.

crabbyroad · 10-05-2005, 10:40 AM

I have not been in this type situation other than I am the one with the anxiety and panic disorder. I believe your boyfriend thinks in his mind he is weak (since he is struggling so hard to understand what is happening to him-which at times you cannot possibly fathom unless you have the disorder) and feels his "secret illness" will be found out or questioned if he doesn't feel like participating in social activities, and starts pushing his loved ones away, he feels they wouldn't have this burden, that (this I have experience with) "Oh , suck it up, everybody has bad days, "Just don't think about it", etc. Its wonderful that you care so much, althought I dont think mentioning the lexapro will spill his guts, we tend to get osterized for taking "pills" for things that people think are " just in our heads". Right now, I believe he probably is having depression with his disorder, you fight it as long as you can, and it does start to bring you down. Support groups with others are terrific, perhaps finding one, and asking if you can attend to understand more than just what he is going thru, since everyone has such different symptoms with anxiety will help, you can ease it into a conversation about you NOT him, and perhaps he will open up then. Even if he confides in you, support, support all you can, regardless if you don't understand it, making no comments as I mentioned above. Good Luck

Coco11 · 10-06-2005, 02:42 AM

Thanks so much for the advice.
You're both pretty on the ball I think about him being ashamed about his anxiety & possibly having some depression as a result, but there is absolutely nothing to be ashamed about. I know that but does he?
We said we won't see eachother for a few weeks so I think he is possibly waiting for the med to take effect and for him to feel a little better before we decide if we're going to get back into anything, or before he decides what he wants.
I txt him the other day & say that I know that there stuff going on that he’d rather not talk about but if he ever wants to Im always here.
It is hard to see our loved one go through a horrible time all alone.

Thanks again