I'm new here..although I've been skimming through posts for awhile now. I decided to finally let it all out.
For as long as I can remember, I always remember my mother telling me that if I lose weight..everything will come together in my life. I've always been overweight, but it never really bugged me until recently (past 4 years). (I'm 21 years old). However, my self-esteem has forever been non-existant. I've never felt positive about myself (my looks in general, my abilities, my influence on people).
I'm extremely self-conscious and afraid to speak my mind around people who aren't family members. So, I've developed anxiety attacks. I'm always a nervous wreck and I never know what to say and how to act. What bugs me most is that I'm always thinking these things (so i'm paranoid too). I feel that in a way...it's almost selfish. Because of this, I feel I will have trouble holding down a job too...and this is my biggest fear in life..never amounting to anything.
So, making freinds is pretty hard...considering my not so out going personality and sticking to my shy and reserved nature (which I feel "safe" with) Yeah..and that brings out the depression
If I lose my weight, will I feel better? ( I feel so shallow typing this..but I can't help but wonder) Has anyone's self-esteem gone up after losing weight and looking their best? Do appearances really matter that much? So confused. Please help!! I need advice.. ..before I lose my mind.
I think your self -esteem can have tons to do with how you feel, if you are always feeling down and thinking negatively I think this can bring on the feelings you are describing...One of the first thing I have learned from all of the anxiety books I have bought over the year is positive sel talk...negative talks can be very devastating...
I think the first thing you have to do is find a way to love yourselg first...realize that you are important and worth it and do the work on yourself for yourself...funny how I can type this all to you and not do it myself...calling the kettle black..haha! I read in the paper one time and this always sticks out in my head...about this lady who went on some weight lose program and lost a ton of weight and one of the captions about the benefits was that she was able to get off of anti-anxiety meds....hmmm..I wonder what those were...Bottom line I think if you feel better about yourself and more confident then I guess my opinion is similiar to yours...everything will fall into place...just one overweight gals opinion who bought a wedding dress 4 sizes to small thinking that would help motivate and has since put on 17 pounds...Somehow we need to find the inner strenght and just do it...hey I have heard that before..hahah! But I know for me I need to love my self enough to put me number one...Do you invest a lot into other people...I have mad my fiance a star...and my life is like I am a n=bottom feeder now, my therapists always reminds me what if I put into everyone else into my self....what would could I do...hope this helps!
I don't know about depression, I was never depressed, but I can tell you from experience that looking better will most definitely help you with self esteem and shyness! Here's my story if you want to read on - at age 14-15 I was extremely SHY, I couldn't even speak to a teacher without turning bright red and getting an anxiety attack, I was made fun of because I dressed like a boy (this was back in the 70's), I wore the big oversized flannel shirts, (I was rail thin) bulky boots, had thin straight straggly, greasy hair, no make up, zits galore and big THICK glasses. I went through years like this, barely able to lift my head up to walk because I felt to unworthy and below everyone else. I was only comfortable around my family. The summer of 1975 I finally decided I was going to radically change myself, I dyed my hair blond, I got a perm, I got contact lenses, I got clothes that made me look female and that fit my body and actually made my skinny frame look good (being overly skinny is just as bad as being overweight! I ate and ate and ate and never gained an ounce and I looked horrid and I was made fun of for being too skinny), I learned how to use make all kinds of make up, went to a dermatologist, etc. When I went back to school in Sept. my FRIENDS didn't recognize me until I spoke! The laughing stopped, the teasing stopped, I felt really good about myself, I walked the halls with pride! I joined the radio club, I spoke in class, I could speak to people like a normal person, this was 30 years ago and I can still say that is the best thing I ever did for myself! You are not shallow, other people DO put emphasis on looks, and that does effect how one views themselves, unless they are a very, very strong person which I wasn't. You don't even have to lose the weight, even getting out there and getting nice clothes that will fit your body type will do it! Like I said, I had the opposite problem and my weight ended up not mattering at all with everything else I did. How old are you?
Seeing that I have just dropped a good amount of weight as well as my husband I would say you sure will feel better. You are lighter on your feet, you do not crave food as that wonderful comfort food, people smile at you instead of looking twice, you have an easier time buying clothes and in general you just feel great about yourself.
It is not an easy thing to do but just take each day at a time. Try and stay on a certain amount of calories or carbos. I think feeling better about yourself is the name of the game. Much luck.
I am overweight and have great self-esteem. I feel that your self-esteem comes from within. You have to find things in yourself that you like and most of all, you need to love yourself. Not doing anything with yourself, not expressing yourself, and not showing off your abilities is keeping you feeling depressed. Losing weight is only half of your battle. You could be really thin and still have bad self-esteem. Honey, you need to look to yourself for your confidence, not society. You are a beautiful individual with potential that the world is missing out on. Who cares if you carry a few pounds, its how you feel that counts. If you want to lose the weight, I say go for it, but do it for you because if you find that you are losing it for others, you will not be happy.
I have started dieting and exercising, for me. Remember,you are most important. Others opinions do not matter, and those people who are shady are really a waste of time.
My advice is to find something that will make you feel productive. I know what it is like to be shy, but you can do this. Have a little faith in yourself.
Last edited by faeriegirl25; 01-07-2006 at 05:55 PM.
This is a catch 22. loosing weight especially for someone who has always had a weight problem usually does boost self esteem, however the lack of self confidence really makes it harder to lose.Depression effects your entire body including metabolism.
Try this: Find somethings you love about yourself and don't say nothing. It could be your hair your nails your nose or even your feet.
Focus on these and start looking at others who dont have say pretty hands like yours and this will slowly like an onion peel off those negative body image thougts and I mean get nasty to yourself say God my hands look way better than those. etc,
The other thing I would recommend is getting the tools to lose the weight, step counter, nutritional book and journal for writing foods eaten and exercise amounts and feelings daily.
As you see the scale slowly go down you must look at every pound as a major success There are millions of people trying to diet and some only gain or stay the same so with each pound you are ahead of the game WOW
what a confidence booster.