joebloggs2

but my I have concluded that it's actually anxiety. This is how I normally feel: I'm always in a rush. Way too many things are going on in my head, most of which I can't see because they "zoom" by my mind so quick. It's like my head is clouded by negative thoughts. 'what if' 'should of' etc.

I feel stupid. Over the years my ability to pay attention has been gradually decreasing. If I sit in class, I can understate the teacher but nothing clicks. I feel like nothing goes gets higher priority than my anxiety. I also look very depressed physically. Bearing a smile constantly was tough. I was never able to not look like I'm crying for more than 10 seconds.

People would come up to me and ask why I'm sad. In my head I'm thinking "I have no idea why I'm sad. AM I sad? no I'm not, I was having a blast in my head" As if I snapped out of a day dream. I find it hard to reach into my long term memory during critical tasks. I totally crack under pressure. Even a little pressure blanks my mind out with anxiety.

I seem to shortcut everything, and my anxiety usually prevents me from finishing a task. I lose all ability to make decisions. If I'm faced with a problem such as "do I want paper or plastic?", I would just say the last one as soon as he's done saying the question. I don't even think about the problem, or solutions. I just answer asap. (Now it's not as freaky as I make it sound. Most people can't tell I'm depressed. They just think I'm a little down.)

My brain feels very delayed with my body. I feel like my body is too fast, my brain can't keep up fast enough.

I've never took medication for any mental problem. I've not seen a psyciatrist. I've tried St. John's Wort for a while but it makes me feel like a zombie. I didn't feel any happier, but the sadness turned to "I don't care."

{REMOVED} and noticed that I can toggle my anxiety cloud on and off instantly. I could see that the worries are silly and not needed. I couldn't figure out why I was anxious in the first place, or how this all began. I know it began at least five years ago, that's as far back as I can remember paying attention to my mental health.

{REMOVED} - I figured another drug might be able to do the same. I have no insurance and I'm broke, so I cannot afford medication here anyway, but I recently decided that I am going to live in another country for a few months. Just try to blend in with their society and just live there as if I'm staying there forever. Now in the country I'm going to, prescription drugs are sold over-the-counter. If I want to start using one, what would be the best option for someone with my mental state? What should I know about the drug before I start, when I start, etc.. I DO NOT plan on using these recreationally. I will be taking the proper dosage, whatever it is.

(I have researched this a lot online but I'm looking for some people's personal experience.)