ViolinLa

Hi all,
I've never posted here before, but have found great comfort and insight in your comments and discussions. I have been diagnosed recently with bipolar disorder II, although another psychiatrist thinks that I really have generalized anxiety disorder. Anyway, I wanted to let you know that I overcame a huge obstacle last night; I thought sharing this might give some of you hope.
I am a professional musician and professor. I had to take time off from work earlier this semester to recover from what I think was my first full-blown bp episode. Last night, I gave my first performance since last October (when things started going down-hill). For the week leading up to this, I was a wreck--panic attacks throughout the day, anxiety that lasted all day (heart palpitations, chest pain, upset stomach, you name it). Much like many of you, I am a total perfectionist. I had such fear of getting up on stage. However, I did it and it turned out to be one of the best performances I have ever given. I think it was because I told myself, "I allow you to make mistakes. Its ok--being perfect is not who you are." It was a revelation and I hope I can build on this. It is a long and difficult road to overcome anxiety, but I felt like I slayed one dragon last night.

My thoughts are with all of you and hope you have a great day.