Should I constantly worry about this? - Anxiety Message Board

Stef457 · 03-25-2006, 01:27 PM

The more I think about this, the more scared I get - and maybe this is what society will become?

Here in the northeast, we are constantly reminded on the news, of this 24 year old grad student who was brutally raped and murdered during morning hours in NYC. The bouncer who was last seen with her is accused of the crime.

I don't know why, but since this happened almost 2 months ago, I've had such a fear. Moreso, after reading that there are sickos who grab girls off the streets while they are walking and rape them!

I am so scared of this. Walking one minute to the bus stop scares me now. I get these looks from guys as they drive by. And it's quite a busy street. However, I'm scared...what if, God Forbid, I'm snatched! Could such a thing happen easily? I'm only 115 pounds so I'm not heavy!

Or there were times I've been followed in a mall! Twice in about 4 years, this guy was following me in a mall, and at one time even brushed up against me as he passed. I was in a bookstore. I didn't do anything though to report him. I just left.

I'm just vary aware of my surroundings, at times even too aware where I might even look scared. Recently, at a club, this guy was trying to talk to me, and I was really ignoring him since I wasn't attracted to him, and he was coming on strong. Anyway, just after a while of talking, he just says, "why are you scared?" I was surprised. I was talking as much as I could to just seem polite, and not interested, while smiling too. But he did get the impression that I was scared. Okay, maybe I was a little but I knew I was okay, being that I was with friends.

Anyway, getting back to the subject, rapes, murders, will go on forever, unfortunately. But how do you suggest to learn to deal with this and not let fear overcome you? Needless to say, it has affected my dating life, since I am too scared to the point where I cannot tell the difference between who is a decent guy to date, and who is not. I think any guy that approaches me I'm to fear him. However, I hear that the majority of rapes/murders happen by jealous boyfriends or men who have known the victim well.

So how do you suggest I ease my fears?

tnmomofive · 03-25-2006, 01:43 PM

one sugesstion would be to prepare yourself take some classes in karate or tae kwan doe (sp) even at only 115 lbs you can be very capable of really messing up someones day who tries to physicaly harm you....with the skills to do so.I think this could greatly reduce your anxiety also carry mace with you they make little keychain ones.One thing I do if im walking alone is I always have my keys in my hand and I stick the long end in between my middle and other fingers where it is sticking outwards I make sure nobody else can see my keys this way though that way if someone was to try and attack me or whatever I can take my hand with the key end sticking out and jab them.Anyway thats the best advice I can give you try to remember not all men are whack jobs and there is nothing wrong with being on alert just dont let it comsume you or ruin any chance of a relationship for you

cjnelson · 03-25-2006, 03:01 PM

I couldnt agree more than with the previous post. As i was reading yours, I was thinking exactly what she said! It is always a good idea to take do what you can. You can only control one aspect in any situation and that is YOU! No matter what it is! So, since this is a true concern and has affected YOU, take control and do what YOU can do. It will empower you as a woman in more ways than this one aspect anyway! If you are concerned about your own judgement, read these two books: Bounderies and Safe People. They are both by Cloud and Townsend, authors. They can enlighten you and again empower you!

lindsalou · 03-25-2006, 03:22 PM

I do the key thing like tnmomofive, and i also have a personal alarm (that screams like a banshee when activated).
There is nothing wrong in being wary of people and your surroundings, just dont let it become to much of a focal point.
Common sense alone tells us not to walk down dark alleys etc.
Learning just some basic self defense may also make you feel a little more confident.
Remember, the world is full of good and bad people, the majority of which are good.

As far as the dating thing goes, dont take chances with unknown people in unknown places, always let someone know where you are and who your with. Take a mobile phone and call someone if you feel uncomfortable.

You sound like a sensible person, so i wouldnt worry too much.
Linds

SteveGn · 03-26-2006, 01:51 PM

Stef457,

Its a shame there has to be those few bad apples in our society that understandably cause concern for so many others. Precaution unfortunately is needed. To add to some of the deterrents already mentioned, yelling "fire" will attract people to you if you ever need assistance, where yelling "help" sometimes causes others to go the other way.

As far as a mental approach goes...there are many bad things that can happen to anyone in this world at any given moment. I think that even though we are taking certain precautions - be it when driving a car, crossing a busy street, climbing a ladder, talking to someone we don't know very well, personal alarms, mace, etc. - we still have to try our best to cultivate a feeling of being relaxed and in the present moment. I think we need to try and "let go" the best we can and not try to over control our lives to the point where stress and anxiety are created. Yes, easier said than done, but the alternative is to look back one day and see how much of our life was spent stressed and possibly unhappy because we were worrying about something that probably hasn't happened and probably never will. And if something does happen, it may of happened anyway, whether we were worried about it or not. All we can really do is to utilize precaution and deterrents, but try and do so with a mental outlook that doesn't create unhelpful stress and anxiety in our lives.

Hope this helps some,
Steve