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Old 05-01-2006, 01:20 AM   #1
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Unhappy I'm desparate I can't work because of anxiety

I am 30 years old. At 22 I was diagnosed with bipolar but didn't go on meds because I could handle it it wasn't interefering with my life. All my life even as a child I used to worry. From about 25 on, I have had 4 jobs all I had to leave because I would call in sick all the time. I was so anxious and panicky and nervous that I just couldn't work. I would wake up in sweats before work, cry in the fetal position and found any possible reason to not go to work. I am {REMOVED} a very hard worker but the thought of going out and working scares me.
Everyday I am depressed and anxious. It's terrible it's to the point now where I don't want to leave my house. The other day I went to san fran to see a psychiatrist so that my doctor could find out how to help me.
He wants me to go onto lexapro (which I am taking) and continue with my xanax XR and he wants me to start on nuerontin.
I am so scared that I won't be able to find a job. I live in a small town and every place I worked here I've screwed it up. My only other option is to drive the ninety miles to go to santa rosa.
I am currently on temp disability. But that worries me because I'm seriously on the verge of becoming homeless. and on the verge of not affording my medications. Does anyone have any advice. I'm so scared. Anything would be appreciated. I hate this, it's not cool. Sometimes I just want to go away and wonder why god put me on this earth like this. Anyone else here have it this severe? Please give me some advice.
Thanks
Michelle

Last edited by ms_mod; 05-01-2006 at 05:50 AM. Reason: Read and follow the posting rules. Ms_Mod

 
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Old 05-01-2006, 05:51 AM   #2
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Re: I'm desparate I can't work because of anxiety

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Old 05-01-2006, 09:48 AM   #3
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Re: I'm desparate I can't work because of anxiety

spirit -

I have felt like you on and off several times in the last few years. it is the absolute worst - there is nothing more stressful, so i can really sympathize with you. I have never had to quit or been fired from a job, but I did get "reprimanded" for calling in sick too often in my current job and I KNOW that affected my performance review. I hate it, because I too used to be so ambitious, and I know I am smart, but my own anxieties hold me back. Some days I've had to load up on Xanax just to get through a regular day at work...I hate what I'm doing to myself, but I HAVE to have this job and if getting all drugged up is the only way to get through, I guess that's what i have to do for now.

Is working from home an option for you? A lot of companies hire call center workers out of their home, or you can do medical or legal transcription from home. While those aren't the most exciting jobs, they are legitimate, pay the bills and can be done from home.

 
Old 05-01-2006, 09:53 AM   #4
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Re: I'm desparate I can't work because of anxiety

I know how bad you must be feeling. Don't give up...just keep trying. Don't dwell on the past. You may think you screwed up those jobs, but maybe those jobs weren't right for you. It's okay to keep looking for the right job for yourself.

Do you have a support system? Family? Can you get a roommate to help with expenses? Can you stay with family or friends until you get on your feet again? I hope your new meds will help. Are you taking Neurontin for nerve pain? If you have a chronic illness, maybe you can get permanent disability? Obviously, if you feel so sick you can't work, there are options and your doctor can help. If you are on disability, can you get Medical to cover your prescriptions? I'm not sure how all that works...can you call Sonoma County Health - Mental Health Division and ask what type of help is available for people on disability?

 
Old 05-11-2006, 05:08 PM   #5
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Question Re: I'm desparate I can't work because of anxiety

Oh my gosh, I can so relate to you. I don't know how much advice I can offer. But I can let you know I am in a very similar situation. I am also 30 and have had anxiety that has not let me work for years. It is so unbelievably frustrating and overwhelming. I had dozens of jobs before I knew what was wrong. I still can't work and am trying to figure out what my next step is going to be. I've had the anxiety going to interviews, even the first day i'm supposed to start a job I've just curled up at home or in the car crying, fully dressed to go and never making it. I've been in bathroom stalls at the jobsites crying. I've tried looking for work online and most end up being scams. If anyone knows of anything that is not a scam please let me know.

Someone suggested to me the The Division of Vocational Rehabilitation in my state, I think every state has one. And they work with people with disabilities or problems with work. I've just recently contacted the one in my state. Not sure yet if they can help but it's my next option.

I've also heard cognitive therapy works for people with anxiety but I can't afford it (no income), and have no insurance.

I'm not in a position to stay with family, I don't know what your situation is. If you have family that can help, don't be scared or embarrassed, this is a real problem. My current boyfriend thinks I'm faking. It is sad but also a relief to know I'm not the only one.

Also, what job skills do you have? Have you tried doing odd jobs for people? Like cleaning homes/apts or using your own skills. Also, as a last resort, have you tried applying for Disability Benefits from the government?

If you come across any other help, please post it, maybe it will be useful to me or others.

you can email me, i'd like to ask you some more questions...{REMOVED}

Last edited by ms_mod; 05-11-2006 at 05:46 PM. Reason: Changed font size to make post easier to read. Also please don't post off board contact info of any kind. Ms_Mod

 
Old 05-11-2006, 05:48 PM   #6
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Re: I'm desparate I can't work because of anxiety

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Old 05-12-2006, 04:51 PM   #7
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Re: I'm desparate I can't work because of anxiety

Try and get a job that best suits your type of anxiety. For me (i've gotten better but its still an issue) My anxiety stems from sweating, i fear being in cramped places w/ lots of people and sweating profusely. So I worked at construction where everyone is expected to sweat and I feel perfectly fine in that situation. Then I don't have anxiety hardly at all.

 
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