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Old 05-31-2006, 01:31 PM   #1
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Feel so sad, lonely, SICK

Hi~thanks to all who may humor me and read my pitiful thread. Today is another horrible day and I HAD to write down my feelings whether anyone responds or not, this helps me.

The past few days have been having dizzy spells, went to Dr. AGAIN and she said it's sinus infection so on antibiotic. Well of course, I KNOW it's a brain tumor or clogged arteries. Am so Darned depressed, could cry over anything and everything, am going through the social anxiety horribly all at the same time. Scared to go anywhere because of the dizzy spells, then sweat the more frightened I get. Have to FORCE myself to come to work, to go work out, to mow the yard and have been begging out of any commitments to do anything outside of being home, laying around (of course doing my household chores, not because I want to or even care).

I am on alpraxolam, as needed, 0.5 mg. Take 1/2 one in a.m and at bedtime. Have been on about every antidepressent manufactured but have side effects that I DO NOT like nor some I can even function with. My Dr. said I have chest pains with any med she gives me (she was being funny ?). But she is right, I read the side effects and you got it, I will have them. TICKS me off that I am this way. yes, I went to counseling after my ugly, scarey divorce ( 14 yrs. ago) but x continues to call ocassionally and says he still loves me, wants to meet me, blah, blah. We are both remarried and have been for about 11 yrs., he to his counselor. Anyway, I have NO feelings for him BUT he says wonderful things to me and about me, my husband now is WONDERFUL to me, but not real attentive, we are more like "buddies" and he does'nt totally understand the whole anxiety/depression stuff and I know if you haven't been through this you don't totally get it but it's so lonely not having someone who can relate to what you are going through.

Sorry this is so long, but need this so desperately...thanks ! I have a horrible fear of dying of heart attack as I was there when my dad died of massive heart attack at 45 (I was oldest (18) of 9 children at home), 5 yrs. later my brother (14) was hit/killed by car right in front of business I ran. Then married for 27 yrs. to man who wasn't good to me nor financially supportive of our family, was tough ! Bankruptcy, creditors after me (because I had the job)..blah blah...

Have had tests over the past 10 yrs. out the whazoo but never confident everything is o.k. worry myself sick, ruining my life !!! Hate myself for being so fricking weak...

Thanks folks and "if" you want to respond I would deeply love to have someone who can relate to this sad, pathetic person.

God Bless !

 
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Old 05-31-2006, 03:04 PM   #2
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Re: Feel so sad, lonely, SICK

I feel your pain, i wake up everyday worried about my heart and go to bed every nite the same way. There isnt one minute of any day that its not on my mimd. I have been told by several different doctors that my heart is fine and its all in my head but i still worry that they are wrong and missing a blockage. The only test i have not had done is the cardiac cath and im to scared to have it done but i want it to maybe help me get this out of my head and lead a normal life, one of which i dont have now. I have 3 kids and i struggle to make myself get out of bed to go to work, i am paranoid that every pain i have in my chest, jaw, arm, back that it is a sign of a heart attack or warning signs that one is on the way soon. I have been to the ER 4 times over this in the last 2 months. I have lost almost 30 pounds cause i am always worried and never want to eat anymore. This has taken over my life. I am now taking ativan as needed which lately seems like every day. I like you cant seem to take medicines, cause i read about the side effects and i automatically start feeling all of them. I refuse to take anti-depressants!!!! I just want all this to go away i have been like this now everyday for over 2 months and its just wearing me out so just so you know your not alone i feel your pain. I am in anxiety classes they seem to help a little bit but not much.My dad lived with a heart problem for years his first attack was when he was in his early 40's and he died of CHF 3 years ago, i think this is what my problem stems from is seeing him live like that for years. I just wish there was some way my brain would know that my heart is fine like the doctors say, but you see so many times that people have testing done and its all fine then they turn around and have a heart attack and had like 90% blockage that didnt even show up on the test.....that is what worries me!!!!!

 
Old 05-31-2006, 04:19 PM   #3
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Re: Feel so sad, lonely, SICK

Hi Dinney:

You are having a rough time! I'm so sorry. I can relate to the heart attack worry. My dad died young from a heart attack too. I was 22. It changed my life forever and my whole family suffered greatly. I'm now 46 and it still haunts me.

I try to get regular checkups and make sure my doctor knows this worries me, so he can help put my mind at ease. Just recently he had to up my blood pressure medication, and I worried, but he reassured me it would take many years of having consistently high blood pressure to cause heart damage. I've also had EKG's and things are fine there.

I'm sure you are having an extra tough time because you are sick. I hope your sinus infection gets better soon and you'll feel stronger and happier. Take it easy on yourself until then. I think laying around is a good thing when you don't feel well. Take care

 
Old 06-01-2006, 05:48 AM   #4
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Re: Feel so sad, lonely, SICK

Thank you both for responding, that means alot to me hearing from someone that has/is going through the same things. I HAVE had a heart cath, 5-6 yrs. ago and it was fine too. Just don't think people realize how debilitating depression/anxiety is and that we dont' want to be this way AT ALL !

This is my 2nd full day of antibiotics so hopefully !!!! Last night was spent having night sweats so tired today AGAIN...am sitting here sweating posting this. Oh lordy, it will, it WILL get better, right ? Can the sweating be from anxiety also ?

Thanks and best wishes/prayers to you both, you are the best. What we need are friends to share thought/fears with.

 
Old 06-01-2006, 05:58 AM   #5
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Re: Feel so sad, lonely, SICK

I do believe sweating can be caused by anxiety. Since having so much of it lately i have learned that anxiety can cause all kinds of symptoms and make your body feel horrible. I expeirence jaw pain, breating problems, arm pain, back pain, headaches, sweating all at different times and sometimes all at once. Im learning to tell myself that its all in my head and to keep going on with my daily life and trying to not worry, i figure if it hasnt killed me yet then im ok, that is till a new symptom comes up and gets me worried again. Its all a vicious cycle that only we can change and i am trying to do that, and coming here talking to people about stuff does help. I hope you get to feeling better and if you want to talk im here to listen.

 
Old 06-01-2006, 06:16 AM   #6
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Re: Feel so sad, lonely, SICK

Confused32, thanks once again. I KNOW most of it is in my head, while I was typing the last post and just thinking about it I started the sweating thing, then quit when I was done. The sad part of this disease is that it would be easier if it was something other then anxiety/depression, sad but true.

I am praying so hard, trying to look forward to good things in my life. Tomorrow we are going to our youngest son's in Kansas City for the week-end and we have so much fun up there.

Thanks again and keep in touch PLEASE, I need to hear from people.


p.s. do you have the weird vision thing happen to you also ? I too have all the symptoms you mentioned ! URGH

 
Old 06-01-2006, 02:18 PM   #7
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Re: Feel so sad, lonely, SICK

Have a great trip to see your son. Good thing you already started those antibiotics...I'll bet they are already helping your poor sinuses.

I have weird vision problems with anxiety and with migraines. The vision I get with anxiety is kind of like vertigo...it is a feeling of derealization (like I'm in a dream but I'm very much awake) and it's very common in people with anxiety and panic disorders. It's always the start of a panic attack for me and after 13 years I finally can usually calm myself with deep breathing before it gets to the level of a panic attack. I also get it when I'm not feeling well...that may be why you have it now. When you are sick, your body is under even more stress, so your anxiety kicks into overdrive. It's a bummer, but if you understand that's all it is, then it's easier not to worry about it.

Take care

 
Old 06-01-2006, 03:11 PM   #8
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Re: Feel so sad, lonely, SICK

I hope you have a great weekend. It might be just what you need to relax some and get your mind off of all the stress and worries. Just go have fun and keep telling yourself you had all these feelings once before and you were ok and just maybe that will help, i know it does me sometimes!!!! Have a great time!!!!

 
Old 06-13-2006, 12:52 PM   #9
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Re: Feel so sad, lonely, SICK

dinney you sound so much like me.. i mean, exact.. i'm dizzy all the time, sweats, feel like passing out. i even went to the doc yesterday cuz i have hada cold and a fever... i have a sinus infection too.. i'm on my seconed day of antibiotics also. so, hopefully i stop feeliing dizzy.. kind of off balance.. now i just found out my mom in the hospital, they dont know why she sick. so i feel horrible, shaky dizzy, and just freaked out. i gotago to the hospital and i just dont deal with ths stuff well so i'm afraid i'm gonna pass out.. anyway, i have had all the tests the last few years, and my doc swears its all anxiety.. so,anyway, just thought i'd share , your not alone.

 
Old 06-13-2006, 02:35 PM   #10
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Re: Feel so sad, lonely, SICK

Quote:
Originally Posted by dinney
Hi~thanks to all who may humor me and read my pitiful thread. Today is another horrible day and I HAD to write down my feelings whether anyone responds or not, this helps me.

The past few days have been having dizzy spells, went to Dr. AGAIN and she said it's sinus infection so on antibiotic. Well of course, I KNOW it's a brain tumor or clogged arteries. Am so Darned depressed, could cry over anything and everything, am going through the social anxiety horribly all at the same time. Scared to go anywhere because of the dizzy spells, then sweat the more frightened I get. Have to FORCE myself to come to work, to go work out, to mow the yard and have been begging out of any commitments to do anything outside of being home, laying around (of course doing my household chores, not because I want to or even care).

I am on alpraxolam, as needed, 0.5 mg. Take 1/2 one in a.m and at bedtime. Have been on about every antidepressent manufactured but have side effects that I DO NOT like nor some I can even function with. My Dr. said I have chest pains with any med she gives me (she was being funny ?). But she is right, I read the side effects and you got it, I will have them. TICKS me off that I am this way. yes, I went to counseling after my ugly, scarey divorce ( 14 yrs. ago) but x continues to call ocassionally and says he still loves me, wants to meet me, blah, blah. We are both remarried and have been for about 11 yrs., he to his counselor. Anyway, I have NO feelings for him BUT he says wonderful things to me and about me, my husband now is WONDERFUL to me, but not real attentive, we are more like "buddies" and he does'nt totally understand the whole anxiety/depression stuff and I know if you haven't been through this you don't totally get it but it's so lonely not having someone who can relate to what you are going through.

Sorry this is so long, but need this so desperately...thanks ! I have a horrible fear of dying of heart attack as I was there when my dad died of massive heart attack at 45 (I was oldest (18) of 9 children at home), 5 yrs. later my brother (14) was hit/killed by car right in front of business I ran. Then married for 27 yrs. to man who wasn't good to me nor financially supportive of our family, was tough ! Bankruptcy, creditors after me (because I had the job)..blah blah...

Have had tests over the past 10 yrs. out the whazoo but never confident everything is o.k. worry myself sick, ruining my life !!! Hate myself for being so fricking weak...

Thanks folks and "if" you want to respond I would deeply love to have someone who can relate to this sad, pathetic person.

God Bless !
Things always seem bad in the present but all I can is look beyond that. There is hope, and I believe you will eventually feel better.

The main thing to understand, and I know this is hard, is that whatever you think and whatever you feel is induced by obsessions and ifs and buts. It is a state of mind and one that can become more common when you encounter some incidents in life that can contribute to irrational thinking and impulses that seem so hard to see out of. I know because to some degree I have been there - we all have.

What I suggest, is you get out and do something. Take a walk, go to the shops, phone a friend, see a friend. I know this is hard when you are anxious, but whatever you do is a step forward into distracting you mind from obsessions and down feelings. Don't pressure yourself, but be positive and supportive. The worst thing you can do is sit inside and obsess about the past and other things - it becomes a vicious circle.

I strongly believe, that all that you have been through will make you a stronger person. It's the way you look at it that makes the difference. Don't be harsh on youself and don't think about things that make you feel bad as it will just contribute to more negative thinking and feelings.

Stand tall, rise above it. What's been done is done. Now is now and the future holds many paths - it's how you choose to walk it that marks your destiny.

 
Old 06-14-2006, 09:11 AM   #11
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Re: Feel so sad, lonely, SICK

Thanks to ALL of you for your continued encouragement and understanding. Have been working out more, making myself go do things knowing that I WILL be o.k. and I will get through the tough times...sinuses are better but still have bouts with dizziness but convince myself it's o.k., can deal with it.

We had a wonderful week-end with son and his wife, have spent time with grandkids, working in yard, going to church (faith keeps me going too) and doing much better (NOT CURED, ha) but better.

It does help so much to have all of you respond and talk to me tho.

God Bless you all !!!1

 
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