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Old 06-09-2006, 07:41 AM   #1
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My Hiv Saga Still Going On...scared To Get Results...

if you dont know my story
ill sum it up
scared of hiv...just scared
go bloodwork...included hiv
went for results...chickened out...
i told him not to tell me the hiv results
he said everything else was normal
me in my paranoid mind was like 'what does that mean...EVERYTHING ELSE...'
THINKING he meant but not the hiv...i did not verbalize this...
so then he was telling me about my cholestoral and what not and i started to get upset...cause i knew i should know...he asked why i was so scared and i told him how i obsess and worry he said i needed help for that...and did i want to talk to someone...
he then told me he has no explanation as to why im so tired...
at least not a physical one
that was pretty much it
ppl are telling me he would have to tell me if i had hiv...or at least would have spent time talking to me about it and why i should know
he didnt do that...but then why didnt he tell me i was neg. if i am...
im so scared
i dont wanna go back and i dont understand why ppl are giving me a hard time for being so scared THIS IS HIV we are talking about...not a cold...i mean come on...
i dont know if i could face it

 
Old 06-09-2006, 07:54 AM   #2
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Re: My Hiv Saga Still Going On...scared To Get Results...

you're tired because of anxiety of stressing out about finding out your result. I think people are getting frustrated because they really want to help and you aren't cooperating. I think people are starting to feel like they're wasting their time. You can lead a horse to water.....you know?
There are so many good people here who really want you to take that brave step.....you already got tested! you were brave enough to do that! make that phone call and FIND OUT already so you can go on with your life!!!

 
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Old 06-09-2006, 02:26 PM   #3
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Re: My Hiv Saga Still Going On...scared To Get Results...

i cant go on if i have hiv...
i really think i have it...
i mean i suffer from anxiety but there is a good chance i have it...
and so im just worried...
i need someone to tell me that hiv is a disease you can live with

 
Old 06-09-2006, 02:27 PM   #4
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Re: My Hiv Saga Still Going On...scared To Get Results...

they'veTOLD you that it's a disease you can live with......
perhaps you're not listening to CFLAS or Lost Spirit or any of the others?

 
Old 06-09-2006, 02:48 PM   #5
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Re: My Hiv Saga Still Going On...scared To Get Results...

You know, I think too much has been read into the way the doctor reacted when you didn't want your test results. I believe that if you tell a doctor you don't want to hear the results, they have to honor that regardless of what they were. I don't think the doctor is going to try to convince you to get them either way. Remember, they deal with tons of patients every day and their problems. It's difficult to impossible to tell what your results were based on the doctors reaction when you told him/her that you didn't want to hear them. They probably just noted that and moved on with their day.

You did a very courageous thing going to get that test done. Many of us fear this disease and can't bring ourselves to go and find out for sure. The fact that you were able to do that tells me you can work up the courage to get the results.

Try to think of it like this...if you have the disease, you have it either way. Not getting the results and worrying constantly won't change it. Plus, early treatment can help people manage this disease. If you don't have it, you will have spent countless days of your life worrying about something that you don't even have. Think of how good it would feel to walk out of that office not only conquering your worst fear, but knowing that you're ok and you can go back to your life not worrying about this any more.

No one can tell you for sure that you don't have it until you get the results. I think what many of us want is to know that we don't have any of the horrible diseases we worry about, but none of us want to know if we do because we feel we can't handle the truth.

Why are you convinced that you have HIV at this point? Has something happened to cause you to have concern?

Take Care,

PeskyRabbit

 
Old 06-09-2006, 03:06 PM   #6
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Re: My Hiv Saga Still Going On...scared To Get Results...

well pesky rabbit...i appreciate what you said but it kind of made me feel worse
basically reading into what the dr. said...was good for me...cause it added up to me NOT having hiv...
many ppl have told me on here and my friends that he would have somehow acted differently
NO dr. is just gonna sit there and be like 'oh your cholestorol is high' and blahblahblah
then suggest i see someone and tell me i have no physical reason to be fatigued...then write it up on the sheet for the mental health counseling that i have anxiety and i am fatigued
if he knew i was hiv pos. then the whole fatigue convo would have NEVER happened...in my eyes anyway...
yeah i think i am prob. neg...by the way the dr. was acting so why not get my results...cause there is always a chance i am wrong...
i am not ready
so by what your saying your making it sound like you think i have it
its whatever...
i dont even care anymore...
i try to seek help on here but you guys dont get it
i have not been with anyone who i knew had hiv...to answer your question...but i have slept with prob. 20 ppl in my 10 years of having sex...and back when i was younger i was not protecting myself...
lately i have been but condoms have broken
that is all

 
Old 06-09-2006, 03:08 PM   #7
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Re: My Hiv Saga Still Going On...scared To Get Results...

i do understand you mean either way with that...now that i reread it
cause i was like 'why wouldnt he just tell me im neg...' so i understand that could go either way

 
Old 06-09-2006, 03:22 PM   #8
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Re: My Hiv Saga Still Going On...scared To Get Results...

Hey Vianna,

I'm not trying to make you feel worse at all and no, I do not think you have HIV. I truly do not think that you have it. I thought that you were assuming that you did have it since after the way the doctor reacted. I was just trying to let you know that the doctor was just respecting your wishes. You very well may be right about what you've read into from his reaction. Please don't go away feeling worse after what I said because it was intended to make you feel better. It's not always easy to say things exactly how you mean them on these lists and sometimes things get taken the wrong way. So, if I said something to make you feel badly, I am truly sorry.

When I was in college, I wasn't always careful either. I understand how you feel and that you're scared. I also understand what courage it took for you to go in there and face your fears to have the test done. I was just trying to say that I think you're a courageous person and I think eventually you will be able to bring yourself to get the results.

 
Old 06-09-2006, 03:41 PM   #9
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Re: My Hiv Saga Still Going On...scared To Get Results...

i understand and i am sorry...i really am
but this has been weighing on me so long
and i think 'if only i would have done this or that' my life would be different and i wouldnt have hiv...i mean i already think i have it...im driving myself crazy and if i found out i had it...i dont know what id do
your right thinking and knowing is very different cause with thinking i can go back to NOT thinking...
SOME TELL ME....dont read into what you said
if you had it then he isnt gonna say anything
that is fine and dandy but i dont think he would have said the things he did say
CAN I ASK YOU THIS THOUGH
i said 'tell me everything else...just not the hiv...but everything else'
and he said 'ok well everything else was normal'
do you think he mean 'everything else but the hiv...'

 
Old 06-09-2006, 04:03 PM   #10
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Re: My Hiv Saga Still Going On...scared To Get Results...

You are going to have to face it sooner or later. So either you waste the rest of your life obsessing about it, or you find out for sure. If you dont find out, and you are positive...in due time you will find out because you will become quite sick...the it will be too late for you to worry.

 
Old 06-09-2006, 04:04 PM   #11
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Re: My Hiv Saga Still Going On...scared To Get Results...

It's ok. I know this is hard for you. Again, I am sorry if what I said made you feel badly because it was not meant that way at all! (-: Like I said, words typed sometimes take on the wrong meaning.

I do the same thing thinking about my past and regretting all that in college. Everyone always says you shouldn't regret the past, but it's hard no to sometimes.

To answer your last question, I think that he was just using your words in his response. You said "tell me everything else but the HIV," so he said "ok, everything else..." I really do not believe he was trying to tell you something or there was a hidden meaning in that.

I hope you will feel better about this soon. Are you able to escape from your worries at all and relax?

 
Old 06-09-2006, 04:06 PM   #12
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Re: My Hiv Saga Still Going On...scared To Get Results...

For heavens sake.. I have a nephew that is now 32 years old was diagnosed at 22. THey surmise he was infected in the very early 80's as a child when getting blood for an injury.
He is fine. Has a job, home and relationship. He is quite happy and healthy.

 
Old 06-09-2006, 04:13 PM   #13
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Re: My Hiv Saga Still Going On...scared To Get Results...

im sorry to hear that
arent you the one though who was on the hiv board and said that i prob. dont have it cause the way he acted...>>????just asking
i thank you for that...i really do
its hard and rough
i dont want to admit something is wrong with me like that

 
Old 06-09-2006, 04:21 PM   #14
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Re: My Hiv Saga Still Going On...scared To Get Results...

No, I was the one that said the the MD had a duty to inform the local health department, you and the CDC because it is an infectious desease. WHich I still stick by.

 
Old 06-09-2006, 04:31 PM   #15
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Re: My Hiv Saga Still Going On...scared To Get Results...

that is what i meant
you think if i had it...id know...he would have told me
even though i said not to

 
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