New here - Anxiety Message Board

Mumoffour · 07-11-2006, 12:49 PM

Hi to all

I am female aged 36 married with four children and in febuary of this year was diagnosed suffering from sever anxiety, I have a huge phobia of mental illness, relating to my childhood, I also run a business from home, I am struggling with the anxiety and the physical symptoms, I also have intrusive thoughts - they are there constantly. at first I was limited by the fear of the anxiety and the thoughts, I did very little.......... slowly over the past few months I am now back to functioning as a full time mum and assisting in the running of the business.
The problem I have is the my children are totally unaware of my condition and my husband whilst he knows i suffer from the anxiety he does not appreciate or understand to what extent is effects me, I manage to hide it very well.
As a result of this I feel trapped and locked in with my emotions and thoughts, I constantly fear losing my mind and that I am going to snap......
My husband can be agressive and controlling, so i am limited with how much I able to confide and seek comfort from him. In fact the very reason I searched for this board is that he has blown up about 20 minutes ago- he is sat in the other room, I am giving him time to calm down, he bangs tables and has just thrown remote control over the room and knocked all the ornaments from the table onto the floor........... Nice eh ??
Anyway i am not here seeking sympathy cause i am fully aware that we are all suffering, I am just looking for guidance and freindship God knows anxiety can make you feel like you are alone ....... if anyone else feels the same way pls contact me. . Can I pls ask due to my Phobia as I said it is Huge and does play a massive part in my anxiety pls dont send me any horror stories

thanks

SRMom · 07-11-2006, 02:21 PM

Hey mum, welcome.

Four kids and a husband with anger issues...no wonder you suffer from anxiety. Anxiety is a normal part of life, but it can lead to disorders which are considered mental illnesses. You sound like you need to talk to a doctor and perhaps a therapist. You might be suffering from depression and some antidepressants will make you feel better. Are you taking any medication for your anxiety?

You can't do anything about your husband's behavior, but you can help yourself. I hope your husband will get help too...he shouldn't be throwing tantrums and breaking things...you don't want your kids (or you) to be exposed to that.

Good luck, stay with us.

Mumoffour · 07-11-2006, 02:50 PM

Hi

Yea I have seen several or more councillors and therapists i am currently waiting to see a Phsycologist about my past and my phobia of mental illness, have to admit when i read ur post saying that anxiety can lead to illnesses under the name of mental health i shuddered, saw a lot as a child and now vision myself going made, losing control and putting my children thru what i saw ......... the children were not in the house when hubbie threw his paddy thankfully they are not aware of any problems either with myself or hubbie

I have been told that my thoughts are are normal with relation to my fears and anxiety.......

Just hard to make myself belive that when I am in the throws of panic and frustration

As I said my Phobia is HUGE ... and is controlling me and I hate that.

Just good to know that I am not alone and that Unfortunatly there are many more out there suffering too

I wish you all luck

Michelle

SRMom · 07-11-2006, 03:11 PM

I didn't mean to make you shudder. You need to not think of the term "mental illness" as bad as you think of it as being. It is just a label, and there are varying degrees that range from minor to major. A person could be considered to have a mental illness who has minor social anxiety and the other end of the spectrum might be the person who is institutionalized and are a danger to themselves and others. I think, from what you've described, that you have anxiety and depression that is extremely common and very treatable with medication and therapy. I don't know what you saw as a child and what you are afraid of, but the very fact that you are concerned about it, probably means you will not allow it to happen.

Mumoffour · 07-11-2006, 04:23 PM

Hi once again thanks for ur reply

Depressed No I am not, I do get down and feel low as a result of my anxiety but always manage to laugh and keep going, dont get me wrong the tears do fall but not for long, As a child and through out all my adult life I have watched my mother, deal with mental health - U name it she done it and belive me some of it is scary, and of course seeing this scared me into leading a very different life from hers,

wether it be right or wrong that is my anxiety - so when someone mentions mental health and me in the same sentance instant panic sets in - silly to some I know but very real to me.

with regards to my intrusive thoughts I am a very placid mild mannered person, I hate voilence be it verbal or physical - so when I am in the throws of anxiety I see myself acting in a way that is totally out of character..... I have been told that these are perfectly normal thoughts that are simply magnified by myself as a result of my phobia

Hope this make sense, sometimes I struggle to see the sense myself but I know its there

Once again thanks

Michelle