So I went to the psychiatrist today and apparently all this IS drug-related, as I suspected. I am still suffering some of the effects of the mary-jane I smoked over a month ago.
He gave me an atypical antipsychotic for my weird thought disturbances, but a low dose.
He said not to be anxious (ha!) about the medication, cause I am not psychotic, but he said I should only need to be on it for about 1-2 months.
good luck! and keep me updated on how well they work for you.. my shrink wanted to give me an antipsychotic for the odd thoughts that came along with my OCD... i refused cuz i am a wuss when it comes to those type of meds... mind if i ask which antipsychotic he put you on?
So I took one last night and it DEFINITELY made me droopy and OF COURSE after 4 hours I woke up and felt 'strange' even though it was most likely all in my head + waking up after 4 hours.
But today after my counselling session I felt BETTER, like more myself, and I feel better still, I don't think its the 'placebo effect' cause it just came out of nowhere. I still feel a bit odd, but nowhere near as bad.
So Im going to take another tonight, and Ill keep everyone updated with my progress.
Well, I didn't ever feel this way unless I was ON something, and I never felt this way before the last time I took something...so yeah I'm pretty much boiling it down to that, considering its VERY similar to actually being ON it.
I think Ill follow the psych's advice, and use the meds to my advantage.
Its just like post-traumatic stress.
People feel, hear, see maybe even SMELL the battle 10 20 even 30 years later.
Guys that fought in WWII had flashbacks while watching Saving Private Ryan.
I'd rather not live my life like a bad trip.
Im gonna use whatever it takes to feel like me again, and find out why Im having all this anxiety and learn to deal with it FROM there, and THEN go off the meds.
when you first got anxiety how did you feel i just wanted to know, that im not alone? the way i felt was like time stoped, i was going crazy, i was afraid of dying, i felt like everything was unreal, i was depressed,
So yeah, Im on day 4 of seroquel 25mg and I still feel a little better...I felt great for the last two days and then today was not so good. I had a few episodes of derealization again-that disconnected feeling, and one almost induced a panic attack, but man...I got sad cause I thought I was building a tolerance to the med.
I also freak out, like what if this seroquel is going to make me worse?
Can it make my symptoms worse when I do decide to come off?
Lord, I don't think I could handle THAT eventuality.
I guess I should stop disasterifying everything, like my counsellor says I do.
Im going to find out some REAL solutions to anxiety now, so I can deal with it on my own.
ANy advice would be appreciated. The derealization is the worst...if I just didn't have that I would feel great, or at least be able to deal.
So yeah I took a seroquel last night, and MAN they knock me out. Like no problem sleeping at all...but the 4th one didn't give me the peaceful tranquilized feeling anymore, it just made my brain go to soup, so I think I am done with seroquel.
I am so freaked out about doing drugs, considering thats what got me here, I really just think I need to let my brain restore itself naturally. I don't understand why a doctor would put me on an anti-psychotic to deal with an 'unrelated' problem.
I had really bad anxiety when I was about 16 for like a good year and that seemed to subside. It wasn't as bad as this...or maybe it was and I just didn't realize it was anxiety. I did have the bad thoughts that scared me and was highly emotional, though I never put it down to mental illness.
My biggest problem is my inability to let myself be, and I tend to overanalyze everything to the point where I am going batty up the walls with imagined possibilities.
For instance, just having something in my body that could possibly affect my brain is just too much for me. Even though its not really doing anything...it doesn't help my freak out condition and it goes to the point where I truly believe its doing things its not.
I dunno. Last night at the theatre I felt stupid too, like I couldn't just concentrate on the movie, I was stuck in my head again. Probably not the drug considering its happened before but geez, having the drug doesn't help.
I find I can sleep really soundly on it, like a good 9-12 hours without waking up...but geez Im not going to rely on a drug to help me sleep. I didn't need it before....why should I need it now?
There is absolutely nothing wrong with people with anxiety?
Then there is nothing wrong with me...and I don't need drugs.
You probably don't need drugs. You most likely did not give yourself enough recovery time from the pot and subsequent damages. The brain is not as simple as a bone; a bone can heal in a few weeks but the brain might need a bit more time. Good food, decaf green tea and chammomile tea, exercise, yoga and stress reduction, adequate rest, maybe even some homopathic remedies might have done more good.
You are right. I don't need drugs. I hope the 4 pills I took didn't do permanent damage, but I don't think they did.
I will start living a more balanced and healthy lifestyle, and get back to ME, and learn how to deal with my thoughts on my own (not thinking them might be a good start )
Like I said in your other thread, I really doubt permanent damage. Your attitude of changing your lifestyle to health instead of destructive drug habits will pay off, don't worry. The only catch is that such lifestyle, natural, health methods do not deliver results as fast as a drug/medication would, but what's better, fast but temporary results or lifelong results that take longer to set in? I'd pick the latter and hopefully you will too.
Sounds like you're own the right track. I sense that you're a lot closer to turning things around than you may realize. Jennita made some good suggestions.
Are you exercising any? I get a sense that a good long brisk walk about three or more times a week would do wonders for you. I've noticed, especially lately, that sugar products speed my thinking up and make it harder to "just be". You may remember my post on another thread about the importance of practicing "just being". The better I get at it the more I am able to notice the subtle differences that certain foods and exercising make.
Wondering whether the pot and medication have done any permanent damage is just another thought that you want to rid yourself of. Its not doing you one bit of good to dwell on it. Having said that, the medication certainly hasn't damaged you, and it doesn't sound like you've smoked near enough pot to be having any long term affects. Sounds like you've learned your lesson on pot the same way I did - you learned at an early age that its not the way to go. Be thankful.
Also, the negative thoughts you may still have that are bringing about anxiety, aren't due to some residual affect of the pot you smoked a while back, they're due to having had a bad experience(s) with negative thoughts and you've become overly sensitized to them. Keep practicing "just being" and watch your sugar intake and exercise regularly and you'll start desensitizing rather quickly. And forget about the pot and any perceived after affects - its ancient history. The same goes for the medication also - its over and done with.
I can tell you have a good head on your shoulders....you're going to come out of this better off than you ever were, which, in my opinion, is why these type things happen to us in the first place - to push us toward personal growth. Later!
Ive been riding my bike every night, and just forcing MYSELF through the anxiety.
Not forcing the anxiety, mind you, just not allowing it to have an effect on my personality.
Amazingly, it's subsiding.
I even went to the psych yesterday and he said we have no need for furthur appointments.
I feel much much better and I hope it will TOTALLY go away.
I think I always accepted anxiety or worry as part of me, but it doesn't have to be that way. We can be worry-free if we fill our heads with positive things and always look and hope for the best.
I learned dwelling and worrying from my mom (or its in the blood) and it seems to be a bad habit, and all bad habits are breakable.
)
Well, it's great to hear you are doing so well, keep up the good work!!
