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Old 09-21-2006, 11:31 PM   #1
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mandytigg HB User
Help me

I am a 25 year old who is totally confused they keep telling me i have panic diorder but i think i am going to die. all i can think about day and night is my children and if they are going to be okay when i die. i think i have cancer and i really don't but i keep thinking i do. the last time i thought about someone dying was my grandmother and she actually did die i don't want to die and leave my two children i am going to call a counselor tomorrow but i just need to get the way i am feeling out on paper. thanks for listening any help would be appreciated

 
Old 09-22-2006, 03:51 AM   #2
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langy HB User
Re: Help me

you are not alone ive had general anxiety disorder and panic for 18 years now some years im much improved and other years bad.the thoughts you get are real to you and are scary i also have thouights like you do and it does take time with help or reading books or even working through it on your own to calm those thoughts down.i did manage it for a few years so it can be done the reason its back is when i hit a bad patch in my life and ive just lost my dad.you will probably find that counselling will help and talking does help. i know how scary it can be but hang on in there your perfectly normal hope this helps from langy x

 
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Old 09-22-2006, 04:26 AM   #3
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smurfy33 HB User
Re: Help me

mandytigg - I know how you feel. I worry about dying and leaving my kids without a mother. I know a lady who died at a young age and I saw how her family struggled after she died. She had 3 little boys, the youngest was only 2 weeks old. It is extremely difficult for me to not think about her and wonder if I will die like she did. I hope you get some counseling and start to feel better. Take care.

 
Old 09-22-2006, 07:49 AM   #4
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CircusSquirrel HB User
Re: Help me

It seems to be a common thread for us mothers to worry that we're going to die and leave our children. We also tend to think bad thoughts. When I was 14, my grandmother died and a few months before my beloved dog had died. When the dog died I immediately thought "this is preparing me for something worse." Then my grandmother died. BUT, looking at this rationally, my grandmother was elderly and ill and it wasn't a shock to most that she died. So, if we look at these things rationally, it makes more sense. We're adults; our grandparents grow old and die. Just because we have thought about it doesn't mean we predicted it or caused it. That's an important step in anxiety recovery: rationalizing thoughts. I'm sure your counselor will be able to help you with that, and there are some good self-help books out there to help, also. I like Master Your Panic by Denise Beckfield, it's a book/workbook combo, and Edward Bourne, Ph.D. also has some good workbooks out. (It think it's Edward, it may be Edmund). Anyhow, best wishes to you; you're not alone.

 
Old 09-22-2006, 08:26 AM   #5
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mirandarose HB User
Re: Help me

Mandytigg- I know all to well how you feel. I have been suffering from anxiety since the birth of my daughter... eight years ago. Let me say this and please don't take it the wrong way, but Iam glad I am not alone.Its so hard for anybody to understand if they have'nt experienced this. I thought I had colon cancer right after I had my daughter. I know now, how stupid that
sounds!But at that time I really thought I did. After every pregnancy it continued to get worse. Ecspecially after I had a missed miscarriage. I knew I lost the baby, but know one would listen. 6 weeks and 30 lb weight loss later, after I originally complained....Guess what, I indeed did miscarry. It was horrible. But, two healthy pregos. and two healthy boys later, Its back again. I found a lump on my tongue around Thanksgiving last year. I had the biopsy and 6 days later found out it was a benign neurofibroma tumor. Weird, huh?
I wil sahre this with you all, teh morning of my biopsy I took my children to the bus stop and I had the radio on. As they were getting on the bus, they looked back and waved and the song"Angels among us" by alabama was on and I lost it right there. But, I knew right then and there I would alright.See, God does give you signs. You just have to look for them. At the same time I found a lump in my tongue, I found a lump in my neck. To make a long story short, I have been told by numerous docs. not to worry. But, the lump has gotten a tad bit bigger and hurts alot. I see a seurgeon on Tuesday.One thing I have learned through all the years of anxiety and ecspecially now is"Live and Let Go", something my mother told me a long time ago, when I first had the anxiety. Live in the moment, live for the day. Don't waste another hour worrying. It's in Gods hands. God forbid if there is something really wrong with me, and I hope there is'nt, I will just have to deal with it. I will have my husband, my children; and my parents to help me through it. It's not fair to my children to see me cry everyday. Wondering whats wrong with their mom. I don't know why it has taken me this long to realize, but Iam glad I have. I had a friend die of leuikimia last year and I ask my self everyday, what would he say to me right now, if he could. "Enjoy the time you do have". Don't worry about when your going to die, because one day it might be to late. Hug and kiss those children of yours. I cherish everyday I have. God Bless all of you with this thing called anxiety. Sucks, I know but your not alone. God Bless .

Sincerly,
Mom from Ohio

 
Old 09-22-2006, 08:55 AM   #6
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smurfy33 HB User
Re: Help me

It is so nice to see there are so many moms who feel the same way I do. I really didn't realize how many mothers worry about dying and leaving their children. I always say to myself "if I can just make it 15 more years, my kids will be grown and able to handle it better if I die." I hate feeling that way. Having kids has changed me so much. I've always been a worrier but now that I have these 2 little people who depend on me for so much, I just feel so overwhelmed. It is so comforting to know I'm not alone in this fear.

 
Old 09-22-2006, 11:52 AM   #7
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mirandarose HB User
Re: Help me

Smurfy33-Hello, Iam glad we all have found oneanother.Iam willing to leave my email address on here so maybe when we all need to talk to someone, other than our children we can.My email is [email] {REMOVED} [/email]lease any of you, near or far contact me if you need to talk. I know I need to!God Bless.

Last edited by ms_mod; 09-22-2006 at 01:16 PM. Reason: Please read and follow the posting rules, do not provide off board contact information of any kind for any reason. Ms_Mod

 
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