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Old 09-24-2006, 04:13 AM   #1
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Join Date: Sep 2006
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genesisd HB User
What's wrong with me?

I'm not fully sure if there's anything wrong with me but I don't remember feeling like this before. But I don't know what is wrong with me.

I'm 18 years old, and recently started college. I usually wake up at least 2 or 3 times in the middle of the night in terror, and look at the clock, then go right back to sleep until I wake up again. This isn't the first time this has happened to me (but not during the summer, only during school). I have dreams that I'm late to a class, so I get up long before it starts and am usually 20 minutes early to it. I don't really like the people I hang out with now (which is only 2 people) but I hang around them anyways, because if I don't I will usually go to sleep during the day. I'm not the least bit outgoing.

I'm immensely afraid of strangers, even now I can hear people out in the hall outside of my dormroom talking and whispering (it's 3 o'clock in the morning for me) and tonight they tried to open the door but it's locked and I put in that chain thing on the door so if they did manage to open it they wouldn't be able to get in, and the peephole is covered so I can't see who it is, and I'm completely terrified. I never look people in the eye on the street. My first reaction to anything that happens to me is to get angry or scared. I carry a knife with me everywhere I go and I'm scared of any insect that flies and spiders and horses. Certain sounds freak me out.

I have a hard time keeping friends, because something they do I will get angry or annoyed at and I will avoid them at all cost, even change my cell phone number and delete places they can find me on the internet, and usually never come in contact with them again unless it's out of my control. I don't really think anyone can tell that I'm angry with them or the situation we're in because I usually lie and say everything's okay. I only cry about once every 6 months, which is unusual because a few years ago I would cry numerous times a day. I've never had a boyfriend, told a boy I liked him, been to any parties, done drugs, or gotten drunk.

Can someone please tell me if this is normal behavior? Or do I have something specific wrong with me? I tried looking it up online but everytime I look up mental/personality type disorders online, I think I have it. I've thought I had moderate to severe depression, passive-aggressive personality disorder, general anxiety, seasonal depression... help?

- Victoria

Last edited by genesisd; 09-24-2006 at 04:16 AM.

 
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Old 09-24-2006, 11:34 AM   #2
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Join Date: Jul 2006
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kaytee52 HB User
Re: What's wrong with me?

First of all you said you recently started to college. This is a major life change...you dont say, but you probably arent used to being around so many strangers and sharing your space in a dorm. Are you also homesick?....This living situation in itself can cause anxiety symptoms....It would make me anxious, too, if people were outside my dorm room at 3AM and rattling my door. It sounds as if you have symptoms of a social anxiety disorder....Anxiety disorders can be kind of inter-related so it's possible to have several going on at the same time. I think by writing on this board that you already know you have problems with anxiety and perhaps panic as well. Why not go see one of the Drs or therapists on campus?.....Talk to them....Tell them what you wrote here and let them help you ....It's a big adjustment you're going through, but there are all kinds of things to help you...So please go see someone....and feel better soon!!....

 
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