okay i thought you guys would know plenty on what im experiencing. ive always bin a shy,timid child. yes i was bullied when i was little, and molested for a while as a child. but regardless ive always bin shy. never looking at people,turning red, not like meeting new people, not spekaing up in class, every report said in was too quiet anmd daydreamed-which i do.
but now im entering adult world and things just got a whole lot harder. in school, if i had to read out i would get this thing.i began reading, id be shaking, i could hear my heart beating,i was sweating like a pig, it felt like i was flashing white hot with heat, it felt dreamy and then the worst part when my throat felt like it was closing over, its hard to breathe and speak. i realise im stuck, everyone is watching and i cannot get a hold of control on this, and i then i just look like a freak and cant speak-is this a panic attack??
see when i was 7/8 i got like hyperventalation attacks for a while then i just carried round my paperbag, no one paid attention and it just went away after a while-it was horrible though, they just came at any time!
now though, ive just started University. i do english and it invloves alot of reading out, voicing opinions and talking to people. its very stressful. we had to introuduce ourselves, as usual i spoke at the floor, couldnt look at anyone when i looked up, it was coming my turn to speak, my heart was pounding, i was visibly trembling, i felt like i was gonna cry, i tried to make sure i had air, i was sweating and my face was slightly contorted(i bet i looked hot!). i managed to spurt out a few lines, it was rubbish, i stumbled over my words, looked at thef loor and quickly pulled away my gaze to show i was finished. i carried on shaking and breathing hard in a deadly silent room for at least 5-10mins after. after this my legs get this burst of energy or something. you know that feeling when you have bin sitting nice, then you do some sudden vigourous exercise and you feel the blood pump throught your legs fast-like youve just run a marathon. is this a panic/anxiety attack. i only get it in speaking public siutation, were im surrounded by people staring or the odd time talking to someone new. but once in a blue moon i can read out fine. im worried cos we have to do alot of this, almost everyday, i simply physically cannot do it. ive tried everything, nothing works. what should i do-i love english , i wudnt quit, i just wish i could be confident. i always new i was shy, but today i sat and watched, i felt so crappy, everyone else was so relaxed, jokey,themsleves and could voice their ideas, i have so many thoughrs on the subjects but i cant tell anyone, its like being a mute at times, i was thinking of going to the docs for depression anyway in the morning, but do you think i should mention this. plz help quick for tomorrow id really appreciate it. thanx xox