okay i thought you guys would know plenty on what im experiencing. ive always bin a shy,timid child. yes i was bullied when i was little, and molested for a while as a child. but regardless ive always bin shy. never looking at people,turning red, not like meeting new people, not spekaing up in class, every report said in was too quiet anmd daydreamed-which i do.
but now im entering adult world and things just got a whole lot harder. in school, if i had to read out i would get this thing.i began reading, id be shaking, i could hear my heart beating,i was sweating like a pig, it felt like i was flashing white hot with heat, it felt dreamy and then the worst part when my throat felt like it was closing over, its hard to breathe and speak. i realise im stuck, everyone is watching and i cannot get a hold of control on this, and i then i just look like a freak and cant speak-is this a panic attack??
see when i was 7/8 i got like hyperventalation attacks for a while then i just carried round my paperbag, no one paid attention and it just went away after a while-it was horrible though, they just came at any time!
now though, ive just started University. i do english and it invloves alot of reading out, voicing opinions and talking to people. its very stressful. we had to introuduce ourselves, as usual i spoke at the floor, couldnt look at anyone when i looked up, it was coming my turn to speak, my heart was pounding, i was visibly trembling, i felt like i was gonna cry, i tried to make sure i had air, i was sweating and my face was slightly contorted(i bet i looked hot!). i managed to spurt out a few lines, it was rubbish, i stumbled over my words, looked at thef loor and quickly pulled away my gaze to show i was finished. i carried on shaking and breathing hard in a deadly silent room for at least 5-10mins after. after this my legs get this burst of energy or something. you know that feeling when you have bin sitting nice, then you do some sudden vigourous exercise and you feel the blood pump throught your legs fast-like youve just run a marathon. is this a panic/anxiety attack. i only get it in speaking public siutation, were im surrounded by people staring or the odd time talking to someone new. but once in a blue moon i can read out fine. im worried cos we have to do alot of this, almost everyday, i simply physically cannot do it. ive tried everything, nothing works. what should i do-i love english , i wudnt quit, i just wish i could be confident. i always new i was shy, but today i sat and watched, i felt so crappy, everyone else was so relaxed, jokey,themsleves and could voice their ideas, i have so many thoughrs on the subjects but i cant tell anyone, its like being a mute at times, i was thinking of going to the docs for depression anyway in the morning, but do you think i should mention this. plz help quick for tomorrow id really appreciate it. thanx xox
Sounds like social anxiety to me. I have that, too. I always hated to have to get up in front of the class for anything. I always got so nervous. I would shake and my heart would race then as I was speaking I could not talk right because I couldn't breathe. I'm 33 and I still get that way if I have to talk to my boss about something or have to confront someone for one reason or another. I started a job a couple years ago and we had to go around the room to introduce ourselves and I was such a nervous wreck, but luckily, people usually can't tell unless my face gets red. I have always been quiet and shy. Even now at work I just keep to myself usually. You really should not quit doing what you love. I think you should talk to your doctor. There are medicines out there that can help. Best of luck!
This definitely sounds like anxiety - maybe social anxiety. I think you should go to the health center at your university and ask to talk to a counselor. I think that could help you a lot. Also, try relaxation exercises and deep breathing when you can. It really helps. There are tons of books on anxiety and anxiety specific to public speaking. Check amazon. Just try different search terms.
If you do a bit of work on this, I bet you anything you will get through this. Tons of people have intense fear of public speaking. It think it's one of the most common fears in the US.
Aye I know exactly where you are coming from, back in my days in school, well not really back in the days lol I'm not that old, but anyways I used to be exactly like that, if I had to stand up in front of the class and read or do anything that drew attention to myself I would find any way out of it possibly, well I got out of school and I found out I was the same way, anything I done that drew attention to myself or any deals with the public where strictly off limits. Well I will tell you what I done, I came to the conclusion that I cannot keep living life like a hermit crab and being embarrased of doing things in front of ppl and in general being a real party pooper when it came to going out with friends and such. So I gradually eased into doing the public scene and slowly got into just doing things and interacting with ppl more, yes it is hard at first but after a while of doing it you figure it isn't so bad as you thought it was. I'm at the point now if someone doesn't like the way I read or do something they can kiss my arse, You should really start doing things in front of ppl and gradually work into it. After a while your doing stuff you thought you would never do in front of other ppl and you notice it doens't bother you. If you need some more advice don't hesitate to call on me