Hello. I am a 20 year old college student who has been suffering from depression the past 2 years. About a month ago I started taking 30 mg of lexapro and have not seen much improvement. I have never had these obsessive thoughts but lately my mind races at 100 mph regarding evolution, meaning of life, and every existential issue imaginable. I have never been a religous person although I am baptized catholic. I feel like I am going nuts and these thoughts cause severe anxiety and loss of self. I also self diagnosed my self an astrophobe because I am frightened to even look at the sky at night into the infinite abyss. Nothing looks the same even people. I am just looking for insight or to relate with anyone else who has had the same experience. I guess ignorrance is bliss.
You said you never used to have these obsessive thoughts before. It could be you suffer from anxiety along with your depression. They are so much the same it is hard to tell the difference sometimes. I think anxiety and depression bring on a dark side to our nature that we didn't know existed until we got sick. You start worrying about things you never gave much thought to before, like where does the universe end when you look up to the sky. Before you probably just enjoyed the stars and watched for shooting stars to wish upon.
This has happened to me before, some of the things you mentioned and it only bothers me when my anxiety is very high and I'm just starting back on meds again. You begin to question everything, like why is the wind invisable? I was thinking about that the other day and then I thought, well if it had a color it would block everything else from view, so it was made invisable.
It might take a few weeks for your medicine to start working and you might want to keep in touch with your doctor in case another drug might be better for you. I honestly believe once your depression is under control you will not be freaked out by these questions going through your mind and you will be able to put them back in perspective.
Thank you sincerely for your reply. i had that same thought about wind once as well! I have discovered that it is a blessing and a curse to be so contemplative and and being such a realist. Life is a journey and I am just searching for that passion where it both takes my mind off these sort of ideals as well as giving me a purpose. I hope you have found yours.
Jack, Have you looked into Zen? Zen, at its essence, has to do with "just being." Practicing this can eventually lead to answers to the universe without turning it into some sort of mental exercise. The mental mind can only lead to speculation, whereas our spiritual mind, which knows no boundaries, will not only bring us answers to questions that haven't even been asked yet or thought thru, but also can bring us true peace.
By the way, a person can be a Christian, Atheist, or whatever they want to be, and still practice Zen. We have many Christians who practice Zen at the Zen center that I attend.
I'm not on meds, so I don't know if your meds could be causing these problems. I can tell you, however, that I obsess about everything, and that includes existential questions. It's really because I think too much. I can't stop my thoughts. And I question *everything*. I'm an overanalyzer.
Is there a chance your sudden existential questioning could be related to the common "control" issues of anxiety? That's really where mine lies. I can't stand the thought of the unknown...not knowing what will happen to me for sure when I die. People who have anxiety often have issues of needing everything to be in control around them, and needing to feel in control. A lot of anxiety stems from the inability to control something (personal health, relationships, thoughts, etc.), which in turn eventually leads to the question of "ok, if something horrible does happen and I die...what's after that, if anything"? Therein lies the existential questions that we then begin to obsess over.
Do you also have a fear of heights, by any chance? I ask because I do, and I also often have the same spacial thing you have. I get dizzy looking at the sky sometimes, but mainly, I can't look at pictures of outerspace without feeling a dizzy, disconnected, "gotta run away from it before I fall and get lost in oblivion" kind of feeling, if that makes any sense. I have a pretty big fear of heights, too. For example, after 9/11 and seeing people jumping/falling from the buildings, I will periodically get a flash of one of the towers in my head and then I have this terrible sense of falling. It's hard to explain, but I know it's connected to my anxiety.
I suffer from depression in addition to Generalized Anxiety, by the way.
Last edited by mustlovedogs; 10-02-2006 at 12:45 PM.