Just need to talk... - Anxiety Message Board

mustlovedogs · 10-19-2006, 09:05 AM

Yesterday started out fine...until I left the house for work. On the drive there, I started into a hyperventilation attack. I got to work, tried to distract myself with absolutely no success, left work a half hour after I got there, and ended up in a full-blown hyperventilation by the time I reached home (I only live 15 minutes away from my job). Once I got home I was able to relax and the attack went away, but it left me so drained and my muscles were achy (from tensing and from the cramping that came with the hyperventilation).

I managed to make it to work this morning, but it was the hardest thing to do just to get myself out the door to get here. I'm so scared of having another attack like that one. That's the worst I've ever had and it came on without rhyme or reason (except that I hate my job and dread going to work every single day). Once it started, of course, it snowballed. The panic (can't breathe, can't breathe, I'm gonna die) made the hyperventilation worse, which made the panic worse, which made the hyperventilation worse, and so on. Five minutes after I reached in my "safety zone" (home), it was subsiding.

I can't stand living like this. Am I alone? Has anyone else hyperventilated and been so scared of it happening again that it's all you can think of?

Work doesn't help any. It's a major source of my anxiety and stress and I often find myself in anxiety/panic mode on the drive to work (at least 4 out of the 5 days a week, if not all 5 days). I hate my job. It's a small company, only 8 employees, and I have nothing in common with any of them. I feel so isolated and alone here. Most days I come in, go to my office, and never speak to anyone. I dread it, because it's mainly when I'm alone with myself that all these horrible anxiety thoughts close in on me. It's like torture not having anyone here to talk to...

I just need some reassurance and support from people on this board who know what I'm going through. Please tell me I'm not alone.

Boxermad · 10-19-2006, 09:10 AM

I know you aint alone , i felt like this too until I found this site a few days ago.

I have panic attacks for all sorts of reasons, in traffic, in queues, in shops, open spaces etc

If i have a panic attack in a certain place I always have another if I go back to that same place.

I think there more people on here that know more than me and will beable to give you better support and advice as I am new to all this myself

take care xx

Donna-Sue · 10-19-2006, 09:27 AM

I have this exact problem, I work 30 minutes away, and it is highway, and I sometimes feel like I am going to pass out and get really dizzy.

My GP just put me on Prozac about a month ago. I hate meds, but refuse to live my life this way. I know exactly how you feel, and you are definatly not alone

.

Maybe talk to your doctor and see if he can help. I am getting better slowly, and their are some wonderful people on here to help you as well. I hit gold, when I found this web page. Hugs to you girl. We are all here for you.......YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

Talk to your doctor. Life is too short.........Huggs. Donna!

nuttygirl · 10-19-2006, 09:58 AM

Is there any way you could find a different job? It sounds like your job is really bringing you down. People shouldn't hate their jobs. When you hate your job you dread going each day and it's causing you to have problems like this, it's time to find a change. You don't need that. I bet if you would find a job you really enjoyed you'd feel much better. I know it's probably not that easy but worth a try. I hope you feel better today!

Take Care,
Tori

mustlovedogs · 10-19-2006, 10:13 AM

Thanks for the words of encouragement, you guys. It really helps to know I'm not alone.

I'm seeing a therapist (since April), but not on meds. I've considered meds, but have just been trying to go au naturale first. They're still a possibility. And after a day like yesterday, even more of a possibility.

I know I need to change jobs, but I can't seem to find a new job. Here's the problem with that (my therapist and I have been over this countless times). I'm a graphic designer, which is a highly competitive field. My salary is on the high-end of the range for designers (it's actually into the Art Director range). The problem is that companies can hire fresh-faced kids out of college for a fraction of what I require as a salary. That's the brick wall I keep running into. Sure, with me they get years of experience, but they just don't look at that. They look more at what they have to pay out than they do at the years of experience.

It sucks so bad that I've started considering changing professions. I just don't know what I'd change to. I have to maintain at least my current salary since I'm the major breadwinner in our household and there's that mortgage to pay...you know what I'm saying, I'm sure. I do freelance on the side and working toward going totally freelance and working for myself, but that's a slow road, trying to build up the clientele so that I'll at least break even. In the meantime, I've also been applying to other places, but I keep running into that salary stumbling block.

It's all making me feel very trapped in my job, which is making it even more miserable...like there's no escape.