ocdengineer

Yea, I think my story is one of success. I have had OCD and panic dissorder since I was very young (2nd grade). I went through a really rough time when I was young and the period ended in 4th grade. Anyway, no problems until end of highschool when I started noticing weird patterns I was making in my closet with my cloths and I would obsess about my girlfriend cheating on me between classes. Like whe was going to get in a quicky with someone in between high school classes. Anyway, It wasn't until college graduation that }REMOVED}. I had my first full blown panic attack and ended up in psych ward for a few days. Doctor said nothing was wrong and sent me packing. From that point on my life was a living hell. I had panic constantly and thoughts would haunt me, like what if I am going crazy, then I saw a show where this guy shot 14 people for no apparent reason and thought that could be me, so I obsessed about being a mass murderer for awhile, then gay, etc. The list goes on and on. Anyway, I finally got some good counseling when I was 22 and that helped enormously. I quit all the frugs and lived fairly normally until about 2 years ago when I decided to get married and commit to a life with one person. For me this has always been a huge issue. Fear of commitment. Anyway, all of the old symptoms came back and I decided enough is enough I have a child and a family and I am not going to allow this disease to destroy my time with my family. I went to a specialist here in the San Antonio area and he prescribed me Xanax. Xanax immediately dropped my anxiety levels and I have tried every other drug out there and damn near died from side effects. Anyway, it didn't help at all with the thought intrusions though, so I have been meditating every morning and waking up early eating well and exercising. The meditation really helps you practice thought control and I am now about 95% well. I still have a rough day, but I think all humans have their bad days, so I consider it a huge success. I have been in treatment for about 3 months now and have not had any panic symptoms, a little anxiety here and there, but all of the painful physical symptoms that came with my anxiety such as major stomach pain and head aches are gone. I hope this workd for ever, honestly, I have no problem taking this medication for the rest of my days it will allow me to live a full life. I think I have plateaued at 2 mg per day and I feel no side effects. I have a full time job as a mechanical engineer, exercise a few times a week, have a family, and love my life. I hope this helps anyone out there feeling low about this illness. It is not cureable, but there is a lot you can do to make it manageable. Good luck.