New here - Anxiety Message Board

Suefelli · 12-11-2006, 08:44 AM

Hi everyone. I am new here, so I want to give you some background info. on me. I am 38 years old. I had my first attack when I was 35 years old. It was 1 year after my mom died of breast cancer. The attack was the worst thing I have ever experienced, health wise, in my life. I fought with the doctor that I was having a heart attack. Once I accepted it was anxiety, I decided to try and beat it without medication.
Now, my bigger problem seems to be fear of dying, being sick etc.... I have convinced myself that I will get breast cancer and die. Mainly because of the connection with my mother. I can wake up every day and fear something different is wrong with me. I still have not wanted to take the next step and go on medication because I am not sure exactly why the medication will help me. Is anyone else going through something similar? Can someone give me some guildance?

Thanks so much,

Sue

EA777 · 12-11-2006, 01:13 PM

Hi Suefelli,

Sorry about the loss of your mother Suefelli.

I started having attacks in my late 30's as well. In hindsight I was often anxious about little things throughout my life. When I had my first attack I knew what it was beforehand so I wasn't very scared. I am thankful for that. I went on meds right away and it worked well. 5 Months later I decided to go off cold turkey and it was horrible - brain zaps - buzzing for 2 weeks (effexor). I was off of meds for over a year and started experiencing some of the 'build up' to another attack or 'bout'. I tried different meds and the result was better (Celexa).

I'll call it a 'bout' because for me it wasn't just about the attack but the thoughts that I continued to rehash in my mind before, during, after. Just like you, fear of death. I would imagine the horror of leaving my son parentless at a young age. During the 'bout' I would no sooner stop my negative thought and a new one would pop up when my mind was idle. My adrenaline was on full time. Meds worked immediately and what a relief. My negative thoughts pretty much cease and I can get on with life.

I am looking into other ways of dealing with my anxiety and my goal is to do it with as little meds as possible. For now I welcome the relief. Maybe you would too.

Good luck,

EA777

ladyjo · 12-12-2006, 04:23 PM

Hi Suefelli,
I'm really new to the site too, only just registered. Just to say you are not alone, don't worry. I too lost a parent, my dad at an early age and it had a dramatic effect on me as he was my rock. He died at the age of 46 and so did his sister the year before him. I had thoughts EVERY DAY from the moment I woke up until I went to bed, for a long long time, thinking would IT be today, IT being would I die today (usually in a car crash, this was my main thought). I actually got to the point where I would ask my husband to take me places. The reason I thought I would respond to you, is that it took me a long time to realise that it wasn't the fact of dying I was frightened of, it was leaving my family to go through what I had gone through, so I was really protecting them. I had to keep myself safe and by thinking of the thoughts, made me feel I could control it. The fact that your mum died (which I say lightly but really don't mean too as I understand the pain you are going through), doesn't mean anything is going to happen to you. My dad died 30 years ago and guess what, I am still here, BUT, I have wasted many years worrying, and really they ARE just worries and thoughts. I really hope things get better for you and hope I have helped a little. Take care .... from someone who knows x

Suefelli · 12-12-2006, 06:00 PM

Thanks everyone for the response. It is nice to know I have somewhere to turn when I need some help. The doctors really don't listen, just want to push the meds on me. Since I feel like I am not geting any better, I am going to go to the doctor after the new year and look into getting on some kind of medication or at least see what options are there for me.

Thanks for the support, you don't know how much I appreciate it.

Sue

ocdengineer · 12-12-2006, 07:23 PM

Sue,

Since it has started so late in your life and you can pinpoint the trigger that started the panic. I think you would probably be OK without meds and just a little conventional therapy or Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. I think either would probably help you immensly, in fact probably just talking to others here helps. The loss of a loved one is probably the single most traumatic experience one can go through. I have, fortunately, never had to experience that kind of pain, but my time will come someday, and all I can say is that you really need to talk out your emotions with someone and really get to the source of the problem. I would hate to see someone who can easily be treated with standard therapy fog their mind with meds that never really address the real problem. I hope I didn't over step my bounds, but I really think you have a great chance of beating most if not all of your anxiety with talk therapy or CBT. I wish you al the luck in the world and I hope it all works out for you!

Take care,
OE