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Old 12-20-2006, 03:14 AM   #1
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Unhappy Loving Husband Desperate to Help Wife With GAD!!

THIS IS PART ONE OF TWO

Hello,
My wife has Severe General Anxiety and Depression and I am going insane.
Thank you for reading my post, and I apologize for it being sooooo long, but I really need to get this off my chest, and I really appreciate anyone who takes the time to read it to the end, and I really appreciate any input. So grab a soda and some popcorn...

I am 24 and I have been married for two and a half years; Jessica and I first dated when she was fourteen and I was fifteen, so we have known each other a relatively long time. There is nothing I would not do for her, she only need ask. We have been through some really rough times both while dating and in marriage, but love has seen us through everything. Unfortunately, she now is suffering from a problem that love has not been able to overcome and I am at my wits' end. Please help me!

I have known that Jessica is sensitive from the moment I fell in love with her, and I have always taken that into consideration with every decision I make. In the past, she made me aware of how much she appreciated me, and I KNEW beyond a doubt how much she loves me - she just seemed to be a little over-dramatic at times with her sensitivity and concerns, and her brothers used to refer to her as a drama queen and a neat freak. She used to be picky about being on time, and a little critical about my driving (which was excellent in the opinion of everyone else including my insurance company). These little things did not bother me, and in fact I loved them about her, they were part of her personality.

However, about a year and a half ago, things started to take a bad turn. There were times when she seemed depressed for days at a time, and she started to obsess over little things consistently. I tried to comfort her and reassure her, and usually a little snuggle time in bed, a foot massage, and some words of love would clear it up quickly - its as if she understood that I would take care of her and she needn't worry about everything. These episodes have gotten worse and worse since. Every little thing bothers her and she obsesses about every little thing, so much so that she has failed an entire year of school.

She worries about bills that have already been paid; she worries if I put the ketchup back in the fridge in the right place; she worries if all the doors are really locked when I check them when we leave; she worries about if I am too loud and might offend her brothers, which are two of my best friends; she constantly worries about how clean the house is (it is always spotless btw); she worries about my driving to the point of trying yelling out loud and almost causing accidents; and of course she does worry incessantly about things that are really important like school, but she described it to me like this, " I get to class, and I worry that I don't know anyone in it. Then that makes me worry about the opinion the teacher has of me. Then I worry about being able to pass the class. Then I worry about studying for the class. Then I worry about homework. This all happens in the first five minutes; the rest of the period is a blank, I don't remember a word the teacher says, and I can't study for the day because I am so worried." She worries about EVERYTHING to an extreme. It is as if every little thing that goes wrong is going to cause death! This is only part of it.

Jessica has become hyper-critical of herself and of me. She feels like neither of us can do anything right, especially me, and that I go out of my way to do things to upset her on purpose or aggravate her or get on her nerves or make her mad. Every little thing I do or don't do sets her off. She disappears to our room for hours, gets heart palpitations, and feels physical pain in her chest when she gets stressed out even a little bit... it feels to me like a panic attack from my point of view. We always have been quiet and considerate, but she has taken up yelling at me and calling me names, which up until now was forbidden and very hurtful. Now it is just very hurtful.

She has resorted to verbal and physical abuse (yes, I know that sounds really, really weird coming from a man but it does happen). Itís not at all the physical pain it causes, but the mental pain. Every time I try to get close, or try to hold her, or take her hand to tell her I love her when she is upset at something, it always results in me getting a good jab in the ribs or slap on the arm or occasional hit in the face, which she "never means", or fighting me off as if I am attacking her. She never talks to me about anything that she feels unless I really pressure her to. She never ever listens to me or takes what I have to say into consideration. She used to not consider my feelings in the past, but at least she knew I had them. Now she couldn't care less if something she says or does hurts me, no matter how bad it is, from calling me incompetent or a failure, saying I hurt her on purpose (never!) to calling my mom a witch.

She makes decisions recklessly about money and our future. If she is the least stressed out about something, her decisions are blown-clear-out-of-the-water exaggerated. She thought that we were spending way too much money, and a lot of $$$$ had disappeared in two months, so she blamed it on me and took me off our joint account (I didn't think that would have hurt so much, but it did). Amazingly, the spending continued, even though I refused to have anything to do with money for months, and she never took blame for any of it. I tried to show her our bank records to see who had spent what and she refused to look at it. She has a major problem with accepting blame. I know I screw up, and I have no problem admitting to it and apologizing, but she has only admitted fault for one thing in the last four years that was 100% her fault and under her control, but she still found ways to put it off on other people. Its as if were she to admit fault, then that would mean that she isnít perfect, and then she worries about her imperfections that only she thinks she has even more.

Everything that goes wrong is always my fault somehow, regardless of the truth. Even if it was something that was directly her decision, as in the bank account incident, it somehow comes down to something I did that made her do it. She cannot even admit to me or more importantly to herself 90% of the time that I really do love her no matter what; I discovered this a few nights ago when she had an episode during which I tried to comfort her and she violently pushed me away again - I tried to tell her that I was on her side, that I'm not the bad guy, and when she is upset, what is the first thing I would naturally want to do? The answer was try to comfort her, but for ten minutes she insisted that the answer was to make it worse; I never could get her to admit that I might actually want to help her simply because I love her. It was even a revelation that I have any concerns or worry about anything at all. She seemed to think that I donít care about anything up until last week when I finally got her to understand that I worry about her and everything else. She honestly didnít know I worried about things. Lately she has been sleeping around 15-16 hours a day off and on, and is emotionally explosive.

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Old 12-20-2006, 03:15 AM   #2
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Re: Loving Husband Desperate to Help Wife With GAD!!

THIS IS PART TWO OF THIS POST

This has all been caused by her father/parents. Some readers might understand it if I say that he is very much Hispanic - machismo en total, el rey de la casa (totally macho, king of the house). One of the problems I have with him is that I am Caucasian, and never experienced this machismo growing up so I don't understand it. I do know that I can't stand my father-in-law, he is a hyper-critical chauvinistic pig and believes his wife and daughter are there to cater to him; Jessica told me about how he used to complain every single day about how dirty the spotless house was, and point out non-existent messes and whine until they got 'cleaned up' but never once offered help. He used to tell Jessica the she was fat (I caught him saying it a few days ago - I ALMOST told him off... this >< close but I thought better of it since he is so sick) and that they only loved skinny girls and they bought her diet pills when she was in Jr. High. Her mom used to buy her clothes that were two sizes too small so that she would have to go on a diet to fit in them. And this was in the sixth grade.

He is an excellent cook, but hasn't been in a kitchen in 20 years except to whine and complain that something isn't perfectly the way he likes it or to pick at his poor wife. He even went as far as to teach his children that Christmas is from the devil every Dec. 25th growing up because he was such a tightwad that he didn't want to "waste money on presents and trees." - his words, not mine - and Jessica will deny it, but she told this to me years ago that this was why they never had Christmas, and I have asked her brothers and the affirmed this. His wife knows how to handle him, one of his sons moved far, far away, and the other dispises him to his face, but Jessica is still attached to him and feels obligated to take care of hime even though he still treats her this way; I would like to talk to him about it, but he is in need of a new liver due to fatty liver disease, and is very sick physically and mentally from a mental breakdown he suffered from recently. All of this has made Jessica into what she is today, and it hurts me so very deeply to know where she came from and that there is nothing I can do to change that. She has told me many times that her parents really do love her and that they sacrificed alot to send their children to private school, and I believe her, but at what cost?

Please, please please don't get the impression that it is all bad or that I only have negative things to say. I love my hunny bunny with all my heart and soul and I would readily die for her of it would mean her safety. She is the sweetest person I have ever met and she is so absolutely beautiful. When I see her smile or hear her laugh, it really makes my day, my week even. I knew from the moment I saw her that she was/is my soulmate. We do have our really good times, especially in the past before this condition began to show up. We used to enjoy going to concerts, plays, and musicals. We used to spend time entertaining friends and family and ejoying it - now it is only family and it is a chore. We have Disneyland annual passes that we used to use all the time that are collecting dust. I love taking care of her and she loves taking care of me, and though I need a little work, she is very good at taking care of me and I love her all the more for it.

I know that she really does truly love me, and she admits it to me when we have our little mini-breakthroughs where she actually talks to me and admits things to me about how she feels, at the end of which we both usually end up in tears. I am constantly walking on eggshells around her trying to not upset her, but that rarely works. I try my hardest to go out of the way for her, from making her special candle lit dinners ( I should do that soon, it has been a while), dozens of red roses magically appearing on the kitchen table when she wakes up, love letters and notes (occaisionally), cleaning the house (which I dispise), to impromptu vacations time to time to the mountains. I tell her many times every day how much I love her and how beautiful she is, and how much I believe in her, and I know she can do anything she puts her mind to - she just doesn't listen.

The thing is, I am going crazy. I am building up stress and anger that I cannot express because it would upset her. I donít know what to do anymore. I end up in tears several nights a week. I love her so much. I hate to see her in this kind of pain. {REMOVED} I want to help her so bad, but she doesnít want my help. I can only be there for her as her husband. But lately, that is becoming so difficult that I donít know if I can take it much longer. I finally printed out a four page description of general anxiety {REMOVED} and made her read it. She ended up in shock and said it described her to a T, and that she even had the accompanying depression. She has a doctorís appointment in January, and I am praying that will help, that maybe she will listen.

If you have been kind or bored enough to make it to the end of this post, I thank you form the bottom of my heart. My request, after reading all that, is I am looking for any guidance whatsoever on what a spouse is supposed to do when their significant other has GAD and depression. I want to do all I can to help my poor sweetheart to help make her better. Everything I have tried, she has pushed away and is convinced that I am trying to make her life worse. I have looked everywhere to no avail; no helpful posts, nothing at *****, nothing useful on google either. Please please tell me if there is anything I could do to help, or anything at all!

Emotionally drained,

Geoff Mosher

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Old 12-20-2006, 04:34 AM   #3
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Re: Loving Husband Desperate to Help Wife With GAD!!

Geoff - let me start by saying that anyone with GAD/depression would be so lucky to have a caring husband/spouse like you. Having someone like that to help us through this horrible way of living is so important.

I personally think, from what you have described, that your wife has something more than GAD/depression. I think she is taking out how she feels about her father on you. This happened to someone I know who had a horrible father growing up and then she took it out on her husband. She ended up being extremely violent towards her husband. Her husband was an alcoholic and when he would drink, she would beat him. Through counseling it was determined that she did this because she actually was lashing out at the pain that her father had put her through since she could never tell him how she feels. I know your wife is not that violent with you. I think your wife worries because everything had to be perfect for her father when she was a child and she does not know how to function in things are not perfect all the time. I think your wife needs counseling NOW. It may be very difficult for you to get her there because she may deny that she needs it.

I wish you the best of luck for you and your wife. She is very lucky to have a husband like you.

 
Old 12-20-2006, 04:49 AM   #4
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Re: Loving Husband Desperate to Help Wife With GAD!!

Thank you so much... you put me in tears... thank you... I will be there for her every step of the way.

 
Old 12-20-2006, 07:32 AM   #5
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Re: Loving Husband Desperate to Help Wife With GAD!!

I suffered from depression and anxiety, panic attacks, pain, etc etc for for 3 years. It really is horrible. All this is the result of unresolved issues, resentment, suppressed anger and the inability to express one's true feelings towards all the other people in their lives who caused them hurt and pain. Too bad it is vented on you because you are the only one there who is physically present and who will take it and still be there for her. Jessica knows that. First of all tell her to write a letter to her father and all those other people who wronged her. This will allow her to vent her feelings. She doesn't have to mail those letters. Just type it in and save it until she is ready to delete them. It is really cathartic. No medications helped my condition. They only made me worse. So I quit taking them. The only thing that had helped me and you won't believe it....was gemstone therapy. I know it sounds like mumbo jumbo. You could go online and read about it and feel free to email me {REMOVED} if you have any questions about it. There are a lot of quacks out there so beware. I have been free of all my symptoms for 4 years now and I'm moving on. All negativity has disappeared.

Last edited by ms_mod; 12-20-2006 at 11:05 AM. Reason: Do not post off board contact information of any kind for any reason. Ms_Mod

 
Old 12-20-2006, 07:54 AM   #6
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Re: Loving Husband Desperate to Help Wife With GAD!!

Geoff,

I read your post and I totally agree. You are a saint. My story is the exact opposite. My wife is putting up with my ailment, however I am aware of it and it sounds like your wife may just be coming to terms with the fact that something is wrong. It sounds like her family life was horrible, to say the least. Honestly, it wouldn't hurt for her to confront her father about all of this, but that is for therapy and probably a little way down the road.

you described a lot of symptoms of OCD obsessive compulsive dissorder which manifests itself in many ways. I can see why she would be so obsessed with things being neat and tidy though because her father forced her to be that way. I also am married to a latin american woman. The father rules the house and I fully understand the machismo attitude. However, it sounds like this guy and his wife for that matter where pretty bad parents on top of the cultural issue. My wife has two very loving parents who would never do some of the things her parents have done.

She at least needs therapy. Unfortunately, these kinds of things aren't going to clear themselves up overnight either, so you will probably have to continue to be there for her during her fits of anger and obsession. Understand that it is not you she is angry at. She is angry at the same people you are, she just doesn't know it yet. Anyway, she definitely needs help and I hope she understands that when she gets to the doctor. The heart palapitations also sound like panic attacks to me as well and they are very common for anxiety dissorder sufferers.

I wish the best for you and hope that she gets the help she needs. However, understand that if she is unwilling or doesn't believe she has a problem then you have a much larger decision to make. You can't help the unhelpable, so she has to accept that she needs help for you to be able to help her. I hope that she understands this and you get your wife back.

Take care,
OE

 
Old 12-20-2006, 08:46 AM   #7
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Re: Loving Husband Desperate to Help Wife With GAD!!

I agree 100% with ocdengineer - your wife's symptoms sound very much like OCD.

You need to put great effort in to locating a qualified professional and perhaps they could be of help in getting her in for a session and go from there.

She has to want the help first. You cannot FIX this - you didn't cause it and you're not equipped to repair it. She needs a professional and she'll have to desire the help first. Meanwhile, prayer would be of great comfort and help in the situation.

Good luck

 
Old 12-20-2006, 08:47 AM   #8
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Re: Loving Husband Desperate to Help Wife With GAD!!

Hi you....

I think that you're an amazing husband for doing what you're doing and I'm dating someone who is like you, my boyfriend puts up with me being anxious over silly things, but to me they don't feel silly at times they feel unreal. I sometimes wonder if he'll be around in a few years with haviing to deal with someone like me.

Your wife is coming to the realization that there is a problem. You having printed out that information and having her sit down and read it was a great step and the next step is getting professional help. Maybe she'll meds, maybe not, but it doesn't hurt to try or so I think. Everyone is different and we all have different needs.

You're doing everything right. She has some things she needs to deal with but when you're going through them it's hard at times to see what they are. I think therapy will be great for her and your continued support is amazing. It's just as frustrating for her as it is for you, believe me. I wish I didn't have to put my boyfriend through this, but he says he loves me and will be there for me, even at times when he gets a bit frustrated. I can understand your wife's position and yours. With some help I think she'll be on the right road. She'll eventually become strong enough to hopefully confront her father. It's so crazy how those things in the past affect you in the present.

I wish you the best.

 
Old 12-20-2006, 01:15 PM   #9
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Re: Loving Husband Desperate to Help Wife With GAD!!

Thank you all so much for you advice and support. I am going to try and suggest that idea of writing leters that she never sends, maybe it can help coming from me, maybe not, we'll see. Hopefully a professional can help with this situation. She has a psych appointment in January, and hopefully that can start things on the right track. I guess I chose not to understand the situation with her parents, or at least the severity, for what I thought wass her sake. Looking back on it, trying to talk to her about her parents always resulted in her getting really defensive, trying to convince me (and herself) that they were awesome parents, but if you all think what I used to think, and I haven't even mentioned the half of it, then maybe I am right to be upset at her parents for what she wet through.

She asked me to go with her to at least her first few sessions, and I don't want to sound like a know-it-all to her or the doctor, but I think these things are really looking in the right direction. <sigh> I just gotta keep trying...

 
Old 12-21-2006, 10:02 PM   #10
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Re: Loving Husband Desperate to Help Wife With GAD!!

Geoff:
I went through something virtually identical to you, and I hear you loud and clear.

Clearly, there are reasons why your wife feels and behaves as she does. In part, it is due to her actual experiences, and in part it is due to the way in which she processed those experiences. She, like all of us, often do not have the emotional skills to cope in a healthy way with the emotional and/or physical challenges that befall us. We learn much of our coping skills from those closest to us: our parents. Our parents behave as they do because of their experiences and the poor coping skills that they learned from their own parents. Nowadays in the USA, we live in a time and place that does not shun or suppress our seeking professional help, and I really commend your wife and you for taking the steps necessary to seek such help. Your wife has every reason to embrace psychological counselling/therapy. As opposed to her growing-up years and even now, she will no longer be in any kind of required or expected docile/submissive emotional position during therapy. In therapy sessions, both with and without you present, she will be in a position to confront her experiences and to develop the healthy coping skills that she has thus far not ever learned because she was not exposed to such healthy coping skills. Although it will be painfully difficult for her to do so, for the first time, she will be in control. She can take a break when she is feeling overwhelmed. And no one is going to hurt her or make her feel inferior/stupid/defective. Although you have tried to be her husband, lover, best friend, protector and therapist, you are not necessarily trained to be all of these nor are you fully equipped to do so. She cannot help but to project her feelings/resentments toward her parents (or others) onto you, and this is likely a part of the reason why she treats you as she does: she could not behave in such a manner with her own parents, and she senses that she can with you because you will not hurt her. In essence, you are enabling her, but your heart is in the right place. Your showing "tough love" is simply not going to win the day or help her very much.

I am not a psychiatrist/psychologist{REMOVED}. In addition to therapy, medications prescribed by a reputed psychiatrist will probably be needed and helpful, though I advise against using any potentially addictive medications such as sedatives or narcotics. It is extremely commonplace for a human being who is in as much emotional discomfort as your wife to seek more and more of these "dulling" and "calming" medications in order to reduce their anxiety/pain, particularly when they are prescribed by a physician and are thus initially "sanctioned". A medication such as Cymbalta, which has a dual action with its anti obsessive/compulsive ( and anti-impulsive frustration) qualities as well as a true antidepressant quality is often helpful, and not addictive. As a woman of child-bearing age, I must also state that it is reaonable to consider not getting pregnant in the near future while in such emotional straits +/- on medications. Of course, when she is doing better, and hopefully on certain pregnancy-safe or no medications, then it would certainly be reasonable to consider starting a family.

I have never read any such forum, and I have never replied to any such forum - until now. My wife saw your post and shared it with me. Since I had such a similar experience in my life with my first wife, and because{REMOVED}I feel as if I might be able to hopefully help in some small way.

As for you (and I feel as if I am looking through a proverbial mirror at myself when I read your posts), take the following comments in the real spirit from which they originate: a guy like you (though I do not know if I was as good a guy to my first wife as you seem to be to your wife, though I tried for fifteen years). Patience and love is what you have to offer your wife, and you are giving that to her. There may come a point in time that you should, for your own well-being, realize that your life will likely be miserable for the long-term if you remain with your wife. She is not evil. Yet, you may come to the realization that you will have very little joy with her as your wife. I submit to you that you, like me, are here to help people, particularly the ones we love. It seems that you and I perceive our committment, particularly in matrimony, as perhaps the most important thing that defines our characters. At the same time, it is illogical to assume that it is noble to keep your committment if it means utter misery for yourself. That is not noble. It is massochistic. Love must not only be felt by both individuals in a relationship, but it must also be shown to the other. It cannot only be you showing love to her. She must not only have the desire but she must have the ability to show love to you. It will likely not be enough for her to tell you that she loves you intermittently, while often isolating herself from you, yelling at you and emotionally and physically harming (or attempting to harm) you: even if "she doesn't mean it" or she wasn't "at her best" at the moment. Love must be felt and shown bilaterally for it to endure and for it to mature. Love must be nurtured, and each one of us, even with the best or worst of characters, need to be shown love. And we must be shown love pretty darned often for us to be happy.

Your committment to your wife and love for your wife mandates that you try to help her. But not to the expense of your profound detriment, developing depression, or not receiving the amount and kind of love that you and all of us need. What I am saying, with respect to you and your wife, is: Do not rule out the possibility of divorce if things continue to remain the same or get worse over a long period of time. I do not suggest a time frame of a month or anything that near-term, even though you have been through hell for the past couple of years and it is so far doing nothing but getting worse. You sound like the type of person who will do everything under the sun to help your wife and to help make your marriage thrive with as much joy as possible. At the same time, if you have done all that you know how to do, if you have sought help from professionals, family, friends and even strangers, and the result is more of the same misery or worse, then you must take care of yourself. You did not cause your wife's pain. If you try everything there is to try, and it is to no avail, then I submit to you that it would be utterly unhealthy and perverse to stick with such a marriage.

After I finally divorced my first wife, I ultimately met a incredibly wonderful woman. for the past four years, I have truly been happier than I ever thought possible. If it could happen to me, it could happen to you.

I hope that my last comments are not perceived as harsh. On the contrary, I am genuine in everything that I have written to you. Best of luck to your wife and to you.

Last edited by ms_mod; 12-22-2006 at 08:02 AM. Reason: Read and follow the posting rules and all of the "Sticky" posts at the top of this board. Ms_Mod

 
Old 12-21-2006, 10:37 PM   #11
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Re: Loving Husband Desperate to Help Wife With GAD!!

I agree; you are a saint for how loving you are to your wife! She is sooo lucky to have you. I have suffered from OCD/anxiety since I was 11, and it is just a dreadful disease. I have known my husband for 10 years, and there are some days when he just can't take my constant worrying. He gets upset because he feels like he can't help me, he feels helpless. I tell him that just by being by my side he is helping me. There are times when I get so scared that I just have to snuggle up next to him, and that helps me a lot.

I went undiagnosed from age 11 to age 19. During this time, I felt like I was dying from a brain tumor and/or slowly going crazy. No one knew what was wrong with me, and I was so scared. I was finally diagnosed with OCD and anxiety disorder after going to a counselor for the first time, and it helped SO MUCH. I finally had a name to what I had, a "reason" to be feeling like I was. Don't get me wrong, I still suffer every single day, and will for the rest of my life, but knowing what I had, and knowing that so many other knew how I felt helped me beyond words.

Encourage your wife to get counseling, and to read all the books she can about OCD and anxiety. She will realize she is not alone at all. I have several books on anxiety and reference them ALL the time when I am going through bad bouts.

I have the OCD cleaning thing, so I know how she feels. My house is spotless, and it has to stay that way or I freak. Drives my hubby nuts. I just cannot relax unless everything is perfect. Looking back, I have been like this since I was 11- that is when it all started. I remember obsessively picking up my little sister's toys, our house had to be spotless or I freaked. NOT a normal way for a 11 yr-old to be feeling! I sure your wife has been like this for a long time, I feel it is something we are born with.

Good luck and thanks for supporting her! This is a very tough thing to live with, and we need all the support we can get!!!

Bette

 
Old 12-23-2006, 08:25 PM   #12
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Re: Loving Husband Desperate to Help Wife With GAD!!

Geoff you seem like a really good guy and that is something that somebody suffering from OCD/anxiety needs to get better. I also agree 100% with ocdengineer. Your patience is reallly going to help your wife and your relationship with her in the long run. You are probably the only one she can trully reveal herself to and pour her soul out to. My fiance is very patient with me and without her I would have never gotten any better. But the good thing to know is things will get better! You have got to believe this. Although it won't be easy and it may take time it will get better. Some days will be better than others but it usually gets better. Baby steps! Good luck and happy holidays.

 
Old 12-26-2006, 08:07 AM   #13
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Re: Loving Husband Desperate to Help Wife With GAD!!

hi you are a very supportive partner and shes lucky to have you i on the otherhand have never found nyone to stick around and support me ive had 4 serious relatoinships in the past 14 years and each one of them after 2 to 3 years left me as they couldnt stand my condition anymore and not being able to lead a normal life. please give her lots of time and patience and of course love,i know its hard for the partner and frustrating my fella said the other day that i was inflicting my illness on him.try to get her some therapy but it will be a slow process.good luck x

 
Old 12-26-2006, 11:16 AM   #14
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Re: Loving Husband Desperate to Help Wife With GAD!!

Geoff, I read your post(s) and some of the replies and I have to give my own thoughts, too.

It definitely sounds like she has a lot of baggage she is carrying. First of all, I agree with the others about OCD. (Checking to make sure doors are locked even when she knows you did, making sure ketchup is in the RIGHT spot in the fridge, etc.). What you need to know is that she could have many different mental disorders manifesting themselves (OCD, GAD, Panic Disorder, Depression). It can be cyclic in nature. The OCD might cause her anxiety. The anxiety may cause the depression...You get the picture.

Might I suggest couple's therapy? I really think it would benefit the both of you. The problem with situations like these is that only ONE partner gets the therapy when it's obviously causing you two equal (sounds like it to me) amounts of strife/stress.
A great clinical psychologist could really help YOUR relationship. Her seeing a psychiatrist isn't going to fix all YOUR (the both of you) problems - you BOTH need to work through this together so you can make this marriage work. Because you are already questioning whether or not you can do this at 24; what if the psychiatrist fails (if it's a psychiatrist they typically do not do therapy, just prescribe the meds)? The way she has been treating you has been affecting you on the inside; when will that externalize? One day will it blow up where you say you want a divorce?

I urge couple's therapy combined with your wife's medicinal therapy and psychiatric care.

 
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