Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: PC,BC CANADA
| | My anxiety My symptoms My Life
Hi , thank God for internet or otherwise we all would feel alone in this world with unexplainable symptoms.I must say that to feel better I log on here and then I feel a big relief,like I am ALRIGHT.It's just anxiety,something thats a part of who I am and one day is better than others , sometimes its gone for a long time and sometimes its there every day for sometime.Once you accept it it shouldn't be as scary and the most important,it won't kill you!!!
My story to make it short,I was the only child of an alcoholic father with the rest of my family being great, always anxiouss because you never knew what to expect in the country where I grew up etc.But it wasn't until I was in my mid 20s that I experienced a real anxiety and panic attacks.It probably had to do with me coming to a new country,falling in love with the best guy a woman can have(only to worry always you're going to loose him to some disease or accident).When my daughter was born I was begging to leave her at the hospital!!!The first days were terrible I slept all the time and doc gave me 0.5 mg ativan to help and I took it I think 3 times a day when I felt really bad,for example I couldn't put a CNN on beacause any bad news would give me a panic attack,like there was the end-of the world coming.I also stopped flying due to fear of panic overseas,it actually happened before and fear of airplane crashing.But then my bad times diminished,I still didn't take any far trips but its been liveable.And 2 yrs ago my 2nd child was born and I was great,felt like a pro this time,no anxiety attack.I even decided to go back to school and get my drivers licence.And then it happened again......I lost my mother in law and 8 mths later(november 2006) my father in law passed away and we had some issues,confrontations with the "outcast" of the family putting me in a enormous stress.Back in July I also gave in to my fear of flying and we flew 3 hrs to take kids to Disneyland,my husband is so proud of me for that even though I lost 5 Ibs(skinny to start with) on that trip and had 2 ativan's and didn't eat for 2 days.Something else triggered my anxiety,it was a gynelogical exam and the new resident doc said my uterus was kinda large so they send me to a ultrasound as a precaution....of course my regular doc said no worries,my panic started and with a 1 month wait I was fearing the worst....it was all good at the end,clear and healthy.But I am back at square 1 again,better this time because Iknow what to expect and I am only taking 1 ativan every few days when I feel like I don't won't tocope with that.I am tired of being afraid to travel(when we drive to go overnight somewhere I get stressed first day but on the way back I'm fine)not able to visit family overseas,tired of feeling like every aniety symptom I get is a possible trip to hospital or death,tired of being tired,cranky,my mouscles ache,my neck aches,my stomach aches here and there,I am cold all the time,the only time my hands are warm is when anxiety gets me,now I developed this numbness,or at lest it feels like it althought it can't be numb if I can feel it...My left side of head for the past week feels like something is crawling in it,sometime on my face too,couple times it felt like a twitch inside my head,it goes away at night and gets worse when I think about it.When I get busy or walk it goes away.But I know its anxiety,my doctor told me I am a poster child for anxiety disorder,her resident student prescribed me paxil but I haven't picked it up after reading the posts the warnings I decided not to take it and just go to CBT and see how that goes.I am not against the medicine just afraid to take it as I feel I can try it again on my own terms and by doing other stuff.I was one of the people that would think that any pain was deadly,I gad MS,BRAIN tumor,cancer etc,all in my head after looking up symptoms.That's so stupid and funny when I read most people here feel that way.I believe we can all win this war if we don't give up the hope and fight it as much as we can.For all those who think they have a brain tumor,let me tell you about my neighbour.She never had a headache,always up and going and then one day she had a huge headache with nausea and got a seizurre,turned out to be a tumor.She's doing fine, on meds but it shows you that you who think your everyday tenssion headache is a sign of brain tumor it probably isn't.Stop thinking about the doom and gloom and it will get better.That's what I keep telling myself.Good luck everyone,thats my story so far.....