Im a 25 year old male still living with parents, have a young doughter, and im going through a divorce. The anxiety started about 8 years ago and has been getting worse every since.Its to the point where I hardly ever leave the house. If I do I need beer or more of the xanax im prescribed. Cant work ,socialize, be a good father, or have any kind of life. My doughter is one of the only things that keep me going. But at the same time I wonder if i dont get control over this, what kind of dad can i be to her.when im around people in almost any social situiation, Im constantley worried about about what they think of me, my heart is racing i dont breathe right, my mind is racing, I cant concentrate and want to leave as soon as possible.Just talking about anxiety makes me anxous. Just knowing im about to be in a social situation kranks up the anxiety or panic,therefor i stay away from those situations.Its constant torture,i feel like im trapped inside my own prison. I constantly think negatively and never feel joy or happiness.I tried almost all (ssri)and a buspirone, and none ever worked for more than a few weeks. Im sure to people who have never experienced this, think it is rediculous or even pathedic, in some cases so do i, but im still here, fighting this, every day, every hour, every minute. its torture, not the life I once had of just being able to live life. Now i dred every second of it.But im still here and as long as im here i will fight.
anyway, i put this out so maybe someone might be able to relate,maybe share some of there knowledge, or i could even share some of my own.I have never had any type of therapy of any kind.Dont Know what to do at this point.
my first question is there any one else with anxiety to this degree
and if you overcame this could you please give some insight on what methods of treatment worked for you
WOW my jaw dropped when reading your post. I am feeling the same exact way for the past 2 years and let me tell you I can totally relate to what your going through. I'm 27 and have been trying to get myself to make an apt. to see if there's anything anyone can perscribe to me but am embarased to even discuss it with anyone because I feel like I'm going to be looked down upon. I wish I could offer you you some advise but maybe someone else here can help us both. I know I can't live like this forever.
be a good father, or have any kind of life. My doughter is one of the only things that keep me going. But at the same time I wonder if i dont get control over this, what kind of dad can i be to her.
If you cant do this for yourself, then you need to get it together so you can function for your daughter's sake. I seriously think you need to see a therapst/ I really think that with your anxiety so severe, you cant do it by yourself, you need some outside imput and guidance to get you on the right track. Also, I am a firm believer that if you dont think the medicine is going to work, it wont. You need to buy into it and say, ok this is going to help me get better. My anxiety started up real bad again last month. I had just gotten married in October and back home to stay with my mom because my anxiety was real bad and I was terrified to be by myself. After 3 weeks away from my husband, I said I gotta get over this and get my life back. I started staying at home with him 2 days before Xmas and was here with him all week cuz he was off. But, he had to go back to work on Jan 2nd and I said that nothing is gonna happen to me if it hasnt already so i'll be okay by myself. And I was.
Nothing bad is going to happen to you out in public. Your home has become your comfort zone and you need to get out of it. Start small-go buy milk or pick your daughter up from school. I started going out with my family or friends, b/c while it was still a comfort thing to have someone with me, I was still out. So, take your daughter for pizza or something. No on is looking at you and nothing is gonna happen.
While I'm not yet 100%, nowhere near, I am a heck of a lot better than I was. But, I only got there because I put myself out there and forced myself to do it. And I'm ok, and you will be too.
Good Luck and I hope this post has helped.
Hi Tony..I can relate,
At 21 had anxiety at the bus stop and never got on the bus. Think my life may have been different had I just got on that bus! 10 years and 2 children later..with only occassionally nervousness, wham out of the blue, couldnt leave the house, I could see my letter box, but just cried with the mere thought of going outside to get mail, my life was in turmoil, not only did I panic at the thought of going outside, I actually panicked in the house, There was no rest from IT!Solaced myself in wine, beers, valium, anything to stop the thoughts.Got girlfriends to take children to school....drank inxs, husband has now decided that I am flamin loopy.
I saw doctors, had a stay in hospital,that was a wake up call, ( believe me )
tried meditation, hypnosis, pills and more pills,, therapy, NO nothing happened in my childhood, so basically I thought I would always live in an afraid to do anything world.
Then I read about changing the way that I was thinking....yes I know it sounds easy, but it was the hardest thing I have ever done, and still do.
I have written about this on the boards, and it has been said " but I tried that and it didnt work" but Tony how can it not work.
Thought 1) I feel bad, anxious, cant do anything.
Thought 2) I feel good right now in this minute,
Its obvious which thought is the better one. We get what we think about.
I struggled with saying I feel good or anything that seemed positive, coz my brain said no you dont, no you dont, etc....you cant do that, but then one day i was cleaning or something and was thinking the most negative things, ie, I will never cope going away on this holiday, I will have a panic attack ( holiday was 3 weeks away for gods sake,) why was I telling myself I wouldnt cope? So I made a conscience effort to only focus on what I was doing, floors really clean, will now hang washing, mm nice day, sun is out, I just kept concentrating on the very minute I was living in. If this minute is good I am ok.With time, and I had plenty as wasnt going anywhere in hurry!, I learnt that you can change what you say to yourself, I was in control of what I told my brain, there was no other to blame , it was me all along.
If I kept thinking what I was thinking I would keep getting what I was getting ( panic )
We only fear the future and what MAY happen, if you can sit and feel ok in this very minute , then you "live" minute by minute. Continually re-inforcing good thoughts will eventually over-ride the bad way that you have been thinking, Sometimes its good to get angry at that other illogical brain,I like to seperate mine into 2, the brain I want to think with, and that other one, so when a negative thought starts, physically stop what you are doing, and say now that was a stupid thought I just told myself...why did I tell myself that..and change it to anything else......sort of concentrate on something else.
Its really hard to write a post in short which can ,and does change your life,
but you need to work on it all the time, if you had broken legs you would keep working on them untill you could walk again, same with a broken brain, dont just "try "it, and say it didnt work, you have to consciously be aware all the time of what you are telling yourself, always, forever, and if the rewards are a carefree life , why would you give up if it didnt work first time.
I am 48 now, and regret all the years I spent worrying, paralyzed by my own negative thoughts.I was in control all the time, I just didnt know it.
As my sister used to say, us "normal "people do not sit and think about how anxious we are, we think about better things and get on with living.
I still have the odd anxious moment but now know that I am in charge of my thoughts and can stop it before it turns into uncontrolable irrational panic.
Sorry so long.....also look up Dr wayne Dwyer, he taught me to live in the moment.
thanks for all the advice,very helpfull. I understand what your saying about the positive thinking, I actualy started to put positive thinking into my recovery plan a couple of weeks ago, it is very new to me and hard to break old habits(negative way of thinking),i have noticed it helps when applied. hearing what you said gives me hope and a lot more motivation to put positive thinking in my daily routine.also i do try to spend as much time with my daughter as possible, with me the whole getting out thing is i dont worry about getting hurt or anything like that, its more of the way i look at my self afterwards, i look down on myself because im supposed to be a man, and sometimes say screw it, and when i get to that point i start drinking and not caring about life. So i think i will take it slow , start thinking positive, try some kind of thearapy(thinking of cognetive behavier therapy, but still not sure what to try, also on tight budget and no insurance), and keep learning and searching for ways to cope.
There are other things you need to do besides change your thoughts. A lot of life changes need to be made.
Stop doing any drugs
All of these will help your anxiety in the long run. In the short term your anxiety may get worse, but you need to STOP self medicating.
I think cognitive behavioral therapy would help you a lot as well as a doctor to figure out exactly what is going on with you. I think the Xanax would help if you took small doses 4times per day. The SSRI's can cause more panic, but they may help if used for a long time. Either way it is a decision for you and your doctor need to make. Good luck boss. I understand how you feel. when my daughter was born I decided things need to change dramatically or I would never be able to function as a good father so I went to the doctor and got Xanax for my anxiety. I also started meditating and quit all of the above vices. I now feel much better.
You know what else I found that works for me and getting myself out of the nasty crap that goes with social anxiety? No one cares that much about you!! You're not that important! I mean this in the way that you may think everyone is looking at you or talking about you etc. But in reality...everyone is so worried about themselves, that they're not really caring about you or what you're doing! Seriously. We're all on the same boat, even people without social anxiety or healthy anxiety or GAD. "Normal" people usually try to make a good impression too and they just are focusing on themselves when they're in a social situation. Whenever I'm in a situation where I feel uncomfortable because of the social anxiety, I really do picture everyone talking in their heads about themselves! I know 100% that I am not going to make a fool of myself and that I am in charge of my actions and I know 150% that they don't really care that much about me at these moments! It works a lot. This is why you HAVE to not use drugs or alcohol so that you can remain in charge of yourself and your thoughts and feelings.
hi i can totally relate to you ive had anxiety and panic for over 15 years now. ive managed to get 90% well on a few occasions and go on holidays,get trains on my own,social events etc and if i had a tiny wobble i wouldnt think about it and it wasnt a problem but then when it returns it knocks me flying again and i get so negative,dont want to go out and get very low.its so hard when youve spent a year well and then within the next year you go down hill rapidly and you have to fight to get well all over again.cognitive therapy worked well for me and got me well for a few years,bach rescue remedy helps take the edge off,try not to drink too much alchohol as it increases anxiety when it wears off and get books on the subject.hope this helps.
you can get your life back. You have to believe that the anxiety you are experiencing is the result of a chemical imbalance, and there are numerous things that can help. I started suffering anxiety about 7 months ago. it came on very suddenly and until then i had been a happy, healthy 22 year old. I got every symptom in the book...confusion, panic attacks, derealisation, rapid heartbeat, nausea etc. i also felt like i was trapped and would look at other people and feel jealous. They all seemed so carefree. I would encourage you to have some cognital behavioural therapy. This helped me to accept that it was anxiety that i had and not some terrible illness. Once i had accepted it, I then felt able to fight it. I was also put onto 10mg of escitalopram ( called Lexapro in America) and i have not looked back. I feel that I am living life again. You never forget what you have been through, but it becomes just part of your life experience. I see a future now. life felt pointless when i was living in constant fear. Now I see the positives in things again, and believe me, i never thought i would . This is very treatable, and there is no reason for you to be living in this way. It was very hard for me to explain the desperation i felt for those months, so I can assure you, you are not alone. There are many people who feel the same hopelessness you do...but you must believe things can get better. Speak to your GP about referrals to a therapist and ask about the various medications that will help. Many of these meds take a few weeks to work, but they do! Good luck!
There are few things in my life that give me pleasure. I'm 32 years old. I'm pretty sure the best years of my life are behind me. I'm not a very good father. I don't spend as much time with them as I should. I've been doing better lately. I'm not sure if it is because they are getting older and I enjoy the activities more or if it because I am getting better. I can certainly relate to your situation. My wife always wants to go on trips and outings but I prefer just to stay home. I feel like I am letting her down because of it. Anyway, we just found out she is pregnent a few days ago so I guess I will get another chance at being a good father from day one. I hope I don't blow it again. I hope I've learned my lesson. Sorry for hijacking your thread with my stories.