am i weird cos i don't talk to anyone? - Anxiety Message Board

julie6672 · 01-14-2007, 05:36 PM

i've been a loner for most of my life. i've always tended to shy away from people at every opportunity. i enjoy my own company and dread it when i'm in a crowd or i have to make idle chit chat with people i hardly know or like. even the thought of a family get-together fills me with fear and horror because i've always felt like the misfit of the family and i don't know what to talk about. i can't wait to get back home and put the tv on or read a book or just go to bed. i do like walking in the countryside on my own. i never feel sad or lonely. i don't think friends are that important, they only let you down anyway or they want you to go somewhere with them when you just want to stay home but you feel obliged to go and you end up feeling miserable and isolated. i talked to my doctor about the way i feel and she said to just be yourself, if people don't like you they way you are then thats their problem. just carry on doing what you do, and don't let anyone try and make you feel uncomfortable or weird. you are the most important person in your life and you live it in the way that makes you that happiest.
take care
julie

ocdengineer · 01-14-2007, 05:44 PM

You just sound introverted to me. If you aren't having anxiety and depression then it isn't too big of a deal, however, there is a lot of life that happens outside of your house that would be a shame to miss. If you ever feel panicky when you are in a crowded space then you probably have a social phobia and the only known cure to social phobia is forcing yourself to be social until you are comfortable with it. I would say start small like going for a walk in the country which you don't like and then going out with a friend or something. There are a lot of benefits to having friends, and trust me, they don't all let you down. One day one of them becomes your significant other and that is a really great experience if you pick the right one. I hope you find some peace outside. listen to the song "The great indoors" by John Mayer. It is an excellent song about introvertion and what you can miss by being that way.

Good luck,
OE

Blueeyes · 01-14-2007, 05:57 PM

Yeah i am just like you except i have a loving fiance but besides him I have no friends. everytime I get a friend they lie on me or use me or are 2 faced, so I choose to stay alone and just stay home. i think It's absolutly normal.

Dakota_Skye · 01-15-2007, 08:52 AM

dear julie,

i agree with ocdengineer! however, i was also very much like you when i was younger, and i still am on occasion. sometimes, i still have to force myself to be "sociable." sometimes i actually FEEL like being sociable. i guess it comes with experience and with practice (and sometimes with some help in the form of meds...). i used to think (like ocd said) of how much was/is out there that i was missing, just by withdrawing and isolating myself from this beautiful world, and i would became rather miserable and envious of all the other people who WERE able to take advantage of all of it: the museums, art galleries, shops, theaters, musical shows, comedy clubs; birthday parties; cafes with bookstores, and much, much more.....

also, not ALL people are mean or nasty, or back-stabbers. believe me. you just have to be cautious and attentive to the kind of persons you approach. they should have some sensitive qualities, just like you do (and since i know you are definitely a highly insightful person, you should be able to tell quite quickly about a person's general personality charactristics, so to speak), so that you will understand each other a bit better. the most important thing is not to be afraid to open up. i know it, because that's what held ME back for a long time. I was afraid of opening up to others and of what they'd think of the "real" me, if they found out. well, i kept at it and took chances, by making "small talk," and by talking with others who approached me. and as for those people who did not stay, they weren't meant to be my friends anyway!!!! i must say i have two-three very good friends right now, who share some of my problems, who are not letting me down, and who have issues of their own. and you know that everyone, no matter how happy and well-adjusted, and outwardly wonderful they may look/seem, -- everyone has one concern or another--people just dont speak about them.

books are a wonderful escape (i adore reading myself), dear julie, but they do not compensate for a real-life human being with whom you can share a thought, a cup of tea or coffee, or a hug. i know very much how you feel, and all i said came from my own experience. i just want to reiterate for you not to be afraid of others. you must have had a rough time at some point in your life to distrust people so much. i don't know...i'm just assuming, since i did--with my mother. but, julie, there are ways to get over it, and to live life to it's fullest. if i could just speak to you in person, i know we'd be good friends!!!!

blessings to you!!!

Therag · 01-16-2007, 12:51 PM

I can relate. I have always been somewhat of a loner for all my life. I do have friends, but I can never feel I am part of a group. Sometimes it gets me down, sometimes it doesn't. I enjoy time on my own anyway to do things like read, play guitar, shoot my gun.

I dont really feel the need for friends either, but then again I do feel jealous when I'm on my own and see people having fun.

The answer to your question- People do see loners as weird, and that's the sad truth.