I am nothing more than a wallflower... - Anxiety Message Board

drkpnkrose · 02-12-2007, 03:10 PM

Okay, so I am sitting at home watching MTV's, The Hills because I am a loser and am unsatisfied with my own life so I make up for it by watching other people's. How pathetic am I? You know what my problem is though...? Ugh, I have so many I don't even know where to begin... Well, for starters, I am sure that I have some kind of anxiety problem when it comes to social stuff. I always have...ever since I was a little kid. I've never really been able to connect with anybody (or so it feels like). And I just feel really uncomfortable and awkward all the time around people. Like, I can't do/say anything cool and I'm just making a fool of myself and I should just do everyone a favor and leave. I do have a best friend but she, unlike me actually has a life and I don't see her as often as I use to. (I suspect she thinks I'm kind of a loser because while she's hanging out with her friends on the weekends, I do absolutely nothing.) I don't really know how to explain how I feel when I go to school. It's like, I become a completely different person who doesn't really speak or have opinions, or even knows how to laugh. I get so nervous sometimes I start to physically shake. And, oh God, speeches or whenever I have to speak in front of the class is pure torture. I don't know why I become like this whenever I am faced with a social situation. I watch the girls on Laguna Beach and try to envision myself doing/saying some of the things they do/say and I can act like them when I'm by myself but then when I am around other people I clam up and become super shy. (I don't want to be like the girls on Laguna Beach, btw. I was just using that as an example.) Why is it so hard to be myself around people? I am a junior in high school. I should be out partying with friends and having a good time... I think people assume that I don't like to have a good time because I come off as a "goody-goody". But I wanna let my hair down and be crazy and wild just as much as the next person... I honestly don't think that's possible for me now though. It's too late in the game to change people's opinions of me. I will forever be known as the shy, quiet, wallflower girl...

I want to change but I don't know how. I wish I had somebody to talk to... I wish I had confidence.

drkpnkrose · 02-12-2007, 04:51 PM

Also, I am very sensitive and cannot get over the fact that I feel like no one likes me. Yeah, I am messed up. Nobody wants to talk to me because I have nothing interesting to say.

Trixibel · 02-12-2007, 05:31 PM

Oh you poor thing! I so much know how you feel and have spent my life feeling like it. So get yourself some help now while you're still young and can change your thought patterns. It sounds like you may have a bit of Social Anxiety. It is very common and lots of people have it to some degree or other especially at your age when how you feel people are perceiving you is so very, very important.

Be clear on one thing. Your thought patterns and your worry about being judged are what are holding you back from being the sort of person you want to be. That is all. You are not a loser and you are not boring and I'm sure you have plenty of things to say but it sounds like your shyness and nervousness and fear of people's bad judgment are holding you back.

Am I right?

You can change how you are feeling, sweetheart. You need to work with someone on it. You don't HAVE to be a wallflower. Some quiet people are happy being quiet and staying home, that's how they like to live, but if you feel that's what you're doing but you want your life to be different then you need to find someone to help you address your anxiety.

Have you discussed how you are feeling with your parents? Would they be supportive to the idea of you getting some therapy?

drkpnkrose · 02-12-2007, 07:41 PM

Thanks Trixibel (cool name, btw

) for replying. I haven't told my parents about how I am feeling yet... I want to but I just don't know how to bring it up. Plus, the whole idea of talking to a random stranger about my anxiety is frightening. I'm sure that I would just clam up and not know what to say... I do try to deal with it (I'll go on long walks by myself or with my sister and talk about stuff, she is really the only person I can truly talk to) and listen to music... But I can only do those things when I'm at home. When I am at school it's like I've left all of my familiar surroundings and I freeze. I feel like such an idiot and outsider. I am slowly trying to change my thought process but I'll take two steps forward, then one step back. So yeah, it's a slow process. Also, I've decided that I don't really know myself all that well so lately I've been taking the time to get to know "me". I practice speaking in front of the mirror (I feel dumb but I swear it helps) and I like to fill out those surveys you sometimes find on Mspace bulletins just to see what my answers would be. I know that my anxiety is not very serious compared to a lot of other people on here...but I know that I do have Social Anxiety and it does effect my life. I feel like I have a very good chance of beating it but y'know...there's just some days that I feel like screaming and today was one of them...

SanyBelle · 02-12-2007, 07:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by drkpnkrose

Plus, the whole idea of talking to a random stranger about my anxiety is frightening. I'm sure that I would just clam up and not know what to say...

Hi drkpnkrose, pretty name there too. I have social anxiety, anxiety and depression and have just started going to a therapist. It is so easy to talk to mine, she asks questions and the right ones. Also I know the therapist can't talk to others about what I tell her so I feel very safe letting her know what I'm thinking. Please get help now instead of waiting 30 years like I did.