Husband's problems are mine............ - Anxiety Message Board

frisbee5859 · 03-14-2007, 01:55 PM

My husband is 44 years old. Over the last two years he has become disabled, yesterday, we had an appointment with a surgeon who has a way to fix my husband's problems, and he has scheduled my husband for surgery on March 26.

We got home following the appointment and my husband freaked out totally, he was behaving like a complete luntic, saying terrible things to both me and the children.

The end result of his tyrade last evening is that today, as far as I can tell, he is planning to divorce me becuase his problems are all my fault..............

To an extent, I understand that he is scared and nervous about the surgery, but to think that he is contemplating throwing our marriage away for no good reason, apart from the fact that he is angry and scared, makes no sense to me. Could he be suffering from some kind of stress related thing?

Somebody, please try to give me an objective view of this whole craziness, because I am so unhappy right now with it all......................... and I really am unsure what to do.

Anxiety-stinks · 03-14-2007, 11:44 PM

I know that I say things that I often don't mean.I would just try to stay away from him and give him time to think about all that he said.Maybe you could write him a letter telling him how you feel and leave it where he will find it.I hope things get better for all of you.
Dawn

CoyoteBound · 03-14-2007, 11:56 PM

He is probably scared and don't won't to admit it to you! Just try and let him think things out for his self. There is no reason for him to take his anger out on you or the children but maybe he just doesn't know what to do right now or what to think of the situation.

Good luck to you!

firenice · 03-15-2007, 12:47 AM

"...that today, as far as I can tell..."

what specifically did he say to make you think he wants to divorce you? Your words indicate that he did not explicitly state that. In any case, I agree with the previous posts that he is probably extremely anxious and highly irrational at this time. Your best approach is to not take it personally and be as compassionate and understanding as possible.

frisbee5859 · 03-16-2007, 07:29 AM

Thank you all for your replies, I have kind of left him alone and he has somewhat calmed down, he has now agreed to have the surgery, which he was saying he was going to cancel, so that is a very good thing.

He said that he doesn't really want a divorce, but that he wants things back the way they were before he became disabled. I told him that I understand that, but that it was unrealistic to think that we could just flip a switch and everything would be as it used to be, but that we could do everything we could together to get back as close as we can to how it was before his disabilities. He got angry again and started saying some terrible things to me, about me, to the kids and about the kids. I don't want to elaborate on the things he said because they are extremely personal and hurtful and it seems to me that he was saying anything that would hurt me and the kids as deeply as he could. He was totally irrational and this is so not like him....................

He is usually a very laid back guy, we have had a very happy and secure marriage up till now, the kids are happy but are so worried right now as it seems to all of us that his whole personality has changed.

I am trying hard to ignore his outbursts, but it has turned our home upside down and the kids are upset the girls are crying and I really don't know what to do. We don't have family near, so there isn't anyone close that I can talk to about this, I am not giving up on him, I know this is not my husband talking and behaving badly, but how do I help him, be there for him, and still protect the kids and myself from the effects of his harsh cutting words. Easy to say ignore the things he says, but not so easy to do when the things he says cut you to the bone!