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Old 04-02-2007, 07:47 AM   #1
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Unhappy I am loosing it. I need help badly.

Recently my boyfriend and I have been having serious issues. It has gotten to the point where wer are hardly together at all anymore. Thing is if I call him and he doesn't pick up I start getting these chest pains that won't go away. Then I start calling over and over again, the minute he picks up my chest pains are gone. I am also having horrible stomach cramps bc of this. I feel as if my stomach is turning into knots. Last time this happened to me it was so bad that I couldn't sleep at night and I had to lay there in the fetal position bc anything else was excrutiating. This lasted for about a week even after we made up I couldn't eat and the pain wouldn't go away. My nerves are shot I am so edgy lately that I have just gone out driving for hours at night bc I can't sleep and I can't focus on my job bc of all of the anxiety I keep having. I don't know what to do anymore bc this is taking over me. I know it all stems from my relationship but if I give him the space he says he needs I end up getting physically ill. Any recomendations on what to do?

 
Old 04-02-2007, 08:18 AM   #2
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Re: I am loosing it. I need help badly.

Greeting Ditto, you are not alone. On a side not I'm from the Orlando area, so greetings from ex Orlando folk heh.

I was and am going thru similar experiences with my current ex. My ex wanted space and at first i thought that was the worst thing in the world. I came to realize though that when ppl need space and you don't give it to them, you just drive them farther away. For a while I tried to do everything I could to help show her that I loved her and was there for her, pretty much to the point of smothering her. In the end I ended up driving more of a wedge between us and now we are def taking time apart, maybe forever. At the very least we know have the horriable tag of 'just friends'.

My advice to you is to tell him how you feel and if he still wants the space give it to him. Tell him you will be there for him, you care about him and you respect his need for space. Who knows what could be going on in his head. Trying to force him into feelings or not wanting space won't help. I only wish I had realized this sooner.

You may want to check out the 'Relationship Health' part of these forums. They can help you figure out your feelings as far as your relationship goes.

Just remember to keep yourself healthy. Try and find things to take your mind off of stuff such as gym, reading, etc. Focus on yourself cause there is nothing you can do to change a person's feelings and mind but you can help yourself. You can also be self destructive and bring yourself down, which it seems is the mood you are in now, like myself. It isn't a quick fix, but it is a def something that works and will help improve your entire life. Even if things work out for you and your other, please remember things you learn here and that will help you with any future relationships and help keep your mind healthy.

As for the calling thing, I totally feel you. If my ex called at any time during any day my day would be made and i would be on cloud nine. I used to get depressed everyday she didn't call and esp if i called and got voice mail and never heard back. Even after 5 min i would get stressed and it would ruin my entire day. My suggestion is to stop calling, esp if he is asking for space. It will be hard at first, but it does get easier. Not saying you won't miss his calls and you won't get tempted (and prob break down and actually call) but it will help you a lot. You won't have to worry about him calling you back and stressing. You will know if and when he calls it will be cause he wants to not just to return one of your many calls.

Just get out and do stuff for yourself now. All you can do is tell him how you feel and then the ball is in court. Also, seeing a therapist really helps. I wish i had looked into it sooner but i thought i would just bounce out of it on my own and that seeing a therapist was saying something bad about me and i couldn't cope. I am here to tell you though that they work great. Just do research and find a good one. Also, please see your doc and make sure all is well with you cause stress can cause your body some problems. Again, I waited on that one and will just now be seeing my doc next week, i wish i had made an appt earlier.

---Sorry for the long post but your situation hit a spot for me and I felt like i coudl relate and really want to help

 
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Old 04-02-2007, 06:38 PM   #3
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Re: I am loosing it. I need help badly.

Thank you so much Chaos. It makes me feel so much better when someone is able to tell me that I am not feeling this bc there is something wrong with me. I know I have to back down. I am trying hard to do so. I didn't call him all day today (my phone broke lol). I decided to do things on my own and keep my mind off of things. The more time passed the easier it got. By the time I got home I had three emails from him asking why my phone was off and that I don't need to react this way. That we can talk things out. I have not replied but it did feel good to read that. The surprising thing is how many things I got done today. I was up by 6am (since I can't sleep) and went for a looooooooong jog. Got home, got dressed and went out and did things I have been planning for months to do but never had the time bc I was always with him. I think in a way he is right. We do need our own space. I also want to start seeing a therapist bc I think talking to someone really does help me. Even if I have to pay them to listen who cares?

I want to feel better and I know that my not making him the center of my world I will not only feel better mentally but also physically. I have been so tense that my body aches, I don't eat and I can't sit still.

Again thank you for your words of encouragement in especially for making me feel like im not the only one that deals with these issues. I also wish you the best for your life and I am glad that you are making progress as well.

 
Old 04-03-2007, 05:00 AM   #4
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Re: I am loosing it. I need help badly.

Glad it helped. It really helps to know others are or have dealt with the same things you are going through. You can take this time to examine yourself and see if you are truly happy where you are. It can be hard but it is worth it. Everyday is a new challenge, but time does help. It has already helped me, but i also know i have a lot ahead of me. I still deal everyday with having to see my ex at work, but at the same time i don't sit around holding the phone hoping she will call me anymore. Nor do i make up excuses to just walk over and start small talk with her at work. It is all about little steps. If it could just be wiped away with a wand instantly then there would be no depressed/anxious ppl. Once you realize that there is no instant fix, it is a huge step.

I wish you the best and let us know how you are doing

 
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