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Old 05-08-2007, 06:45 PM   #1
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Constanly thinking I am going to die!!

Hi everyone,

I have struggled with anxiety for most of my adult life(I am now 28) and it has always been accompanied by a fear of dweath. For the last few weeks, I have felt almost a certainty that I am going to die soon. It is really starting to scare me. I don't know why I have started to have this feeling but I cannot shake it. I have had 3 siblings to die very young of heart attacks and I just canniot get over this. I was just wondering if this is common for people with depression to sometimes have this happen if there anxietystarts to worsen? Ihave had all kinds of heart tests done and should know that my heart is fine (stress echo, stress test, cardiac score ct scan, holter monitor) the only thing that they found was on the holter and it showed occasional PVC's and sinus tachacardia. I just am so afraid and sonfused I really feel as if I am living in my last few days or weeks. If someone has experienced this feeling also with anxiety, it would be great to hear that I am not alone in that and it may just be my depression causeing these thoughts to come into my head.

Jess

 
Old 05-08-2007, 07:02 PM   #2
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Re: Constanly thinking I am going to die!!

let me be the first (Of hopefully many):

your depression and resulting anxiety is getting the best of you. You need to take solace in what the doctors found about your heart and there seems to be no reason to believe your demise is soon to be.

are you on meds for depression?

for anxiety?

talk with your doctor in either case. If you are on meds, an adjustment may be in order.

If you aren;t on meds, maybe you should be.

You have to start enjoying life. Even if you were going to die very soon, wouldn;t you want to enjoy all the time you have left. Start doing so.
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Old 05-08-2007, 09:22 PM   #3
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Re: Constanly thinking I am going to die!!

I too obsess over my heart.I can convince myself I am having a heart attack or on the brink of an attack all the time.It is anxiety/depression.It really helps knowing I am not alone.I have read tons of people's posts about this same issue.This is fairly "normal" with anxiety.

 
Old 05-08-2007, 10:52 PM   #4
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Re: Constanly thinking I am going to die!!

My father thinks I am a hypochondriac because I always think something is wrong with me, or that I have some kind of life-threatening illness.

I have this lump on the right side of my throat, it's been there since August... the doctor's tell me that it's fine, nothing to worry about... But I know that my lymph node there is really swollen, and I wish I knew why. It worries me all the time, and I always find myself touching it, trying to figure out if it's any bigger, or any smaller... but it's always the same.

Then when I finally think I'm okay, I go to get more annual blood tests, and I'm told I may be hypothyroid or have some kind of disease, and that I need to see an endocrinologist... but I never got an appointment yet, and it's freaking me out because I don't know what's wrong with me.

I also have nerve damage in my foot, going up my leg... I'm constantly worrying that one day I'll have to get my foot amputated because it's slowly just starting to 'die' on me (No feeling, not being able to move it...) or it's going to cause me to fall down in front of a moving car, or something like that.

It's definitely the anxiety that makes us feel like this. If I'm feeling very very worried about health problems, I take an Ativan and feel a bit better...

Or I go online and research the problem I have, until I know everything about it and assure myself I have it, even if I really don't.

I have a horrible fear of death. Either me, or anyone else. I went to my Great-Aunt's wake 2 years ago and almost threw up. My Aunt MADE me look into the casket, and I almost fainted, it was so horrible.. I had to go home, and couldn't go to the funeral the next day. The same with someone else who passed away earlier last month. I feel like looking at someone else who has died makes it all so more realistic for me to die, and that's my greatest fear (Aside from insects). Sorry for all the rambling, but it's definitely not just you who worries about this stuff, as much as it sucks, it's nice to know you're not alone out there with certain problems.

 
Old 05-09-2007, 04:58 AM   #5
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Re: Constanly thinking I am going to die!!

Thanks for your responses, it is comforting to know I am not alone! I try to convince myself that it is just my anxiety, but it is really hard. After the dr told me that my holter monitor showined PVC's but they weren't going to cause me to go into cardiac arrest, I come home and do the worst thing I could have possibly done and I look them up on the internet!! Now I just know at any moment my heart is going to stop. The Dr has me on Ativan and lexapro, I haven't taken them a single time because I also have a fear of med. I fell like I am going crazy! I try to hold it together and not talk about it with my husband because he isn't very supportive. I can't even go anywhere with my kids alone because I am afraid my hearts gonna stop. I just am really so tired of this. I can't even live because I am so afraid to die.

 
Old 05-09-2007, 05:10 AM   #6
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Re: Constanly thinking I am going to die!!

I like you also have a fear of my heart being bad. My issues started a few years ago with having palpatations. I was ok for a few years but then about a year ago i started having left arm pains and sent myself into a full blown panic attack thinking they were due to a heart problem. I was given ativan at the ER on one of the many trips i made there over a few weeks time. They also gave me anti-depressants. I did end up taking the ativan even though i also have a fear of any medication. Im glad i did take the ativan it really does help me ALOT when i start to panic about any little symptom i get. I was given .5mg but i took that and broke it in half the first time and it seemed to work good and i had no side effects at all. I check out EVERY medicine they try to give me on here and every little symptom, i know that they say the benzo's like ativan are not as good as the anti-depressants due to addiction factors but i felt more comfortable with that then the side effects from the anti-depressant. I have been taking ativan on an as needed basis for over a year now and its working out great. I know everyone is different and i definatly know how your fear of medication feels but i would encourage you to try the ativan it might help you relax so you dont worry as much, i know its been a life saver for me.

 
Old 05-09-2007, 05:16 AM   #7
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Re: Constanly thinking I am going to die!!

my husband has begged me to take the ativan, he said we would even go to the dr's office and sit there for 15 min. to show me it wasn't going to kill me, and I wouldn't be so afraid. I to;d him I didn't want them to think I was NUTS LOL but I am going to have to do something to get a grip on all this.

 
Old 05-09-2007, 05:46 AM   #8
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Re: Constanly thinking I am going to die!!

I am a single mom of 3 girls and when i decided i couldnt take anymore of the misery and was ready to try anything i called my mom and ask her to come over for a while when i took my first dose of ativan. She sat with me for a few hours and i was fine. I know a few people who have went to the ER parking lot and took medication and even given their child food like peanut butter for the first time in case they have any reaction to it. If that would make you feel more comfortable i would try it, the hospital doesnt have to know your there just go to the parking lot with your husband and try it, im sure you will be just fine. I was told when i took the ativan that if you were going to have a reaction it would be in the first 15 minutes or so. I find that it just totally makes me not worry about my pains. The other day i started having the left arm pains again, i of course started thinking ok this is the day my heart attack is coming, i took half of a pill and within 20 minutes i had totally forgot about the arm pain, it seems to help take my mind off of stuff that worries me. Good luck and let us know if ya decide to give it a try

 
Old 05-09-2007, 06:26 AM   #9
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Re: Constanly thinking I am going to die!!

You're definately not alone! I've had periods like this and they are really really scarey (I remember I was CONVINCED that I would never live past my eighteenth birthday). I've lost count of the times in the past I've been to the doc's to have my heart checked and blood pressure done only to be amazed when they were normal.

If it's any consulation you certainly don't sound crazy to me, I mean think about it - ANYONE who thinks they are under the threat of death is going to be terrified and it's really difficult to think cooley about a problem if you're that scared.

I know what you mean about taking meds too, in the past I've avoided taking any new drugs, convinced that if I did I would have to go though the very worst of the side effects and possibly loose my mind or die, only to find that the ones I did take (antibiotics and prozac) didn't do anything of the sort! I've never been one to let experience get in the way of a good panic

I don't know your circumstances so I don't know if this advice will help, but your husband's idea doesn't seem that crazy to me and I'm pretty sure the doc will agree if he's worth his salt. But if you're uncomfortable with that (and I must admit I would be personally) I would try taking your meds (maybe in smaller doses than prescribed) when you know there is support around, just to convince yourself that they will be ok and the side effects (if any) will be manageable.

Really hope this ramble helps and the best of luck

 
Old 05-09-2007, 07:36 AM   #10
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Re: Constanly thinking I am going to die!!

jesse, since you did research on PVC's you should have found they are not uncommon and are typically not a problem at all.

I don;t remember the percentage of folks with PVC's or PAC's but it is fairly high. The thing is the are just not a big deal. If the doc had done other tests to rule out a serious cause, they are just what you feel, simple odd beats that cause no harm.

If the doc gave you meds, you really need to be taking them. Just give them a try for awhile. Once you start taking them, you're gonna see that you were worrying over nothing and you will be able to relax.

You're husband sounds very supportive. Listen to him and the doc. Take the meds. You have a lot of life to enjoy but right now you can;t. Get on your meds and start enjoying life.
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Old 05-09-2007, 08:23 AM   #11
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Re: Constanly thinking I am going to die!!

Yep, I feel like that every stinking day for periods at a time. Then BAM, it goes away for a period. The BAM it comes back. I am convinced that it is physical because it comes and goes with and rhyme or reason. I feel like I am at the end of my rope. I want to cry and sleep. I just can't stand feeling this way. I am scared.

 
Old 05-11-2007, 01:12 PM   #12
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Re: Constanly thinking I am going to die!!

YES!!! I know exactly how you are feeling!!I have been going through the same thing for 7 months now. All I know to tell you is pray, pray, pray!!! Rebuke the devil in the name of Jesus everytime this feeling comes on!! If you will look at some of my old posts on here you will see that I am suffering from the same thing!! Only mine has gotten better through prayer. Hope this helps ya!! God Bless You!!

 
Old 05-11-2007, 05:11 PM   #13
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Re: Constanly thinking I am going to die!!

You know what got me over that fear? I realized that to die is to gain. If I die, I'll be in a much better place, so I don't really care. Not that I want to die, but if I did, it's okay. I know sometimes with a chemical imbalance problem that is easier said than done, to stop psyching on something. The last poster is right PRAY and don't stop.
I shall live and not die!

 
Old 05-11-2007, 11:08 PM   #14
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Re: Constanly thinking I am going to die!!

I also feel the same that im dying , i even phone people up like my mum and say to her i think i,m dying i know i shoudnt upset my mum but i cant help it i just think i am all the time its been going for 2 years now also i dont like to know if anybodys died that scares me too im that bod i cant even go to any funerals because i keep thinking its me next.

 
Old 05-12-2007, 06:53 AM   #15
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Re: Constanly thinking I am going to die!!

I know exactly what you mean, my sister-in-laws sister passed away 2 days ago and it is all I can think about now. I keep feeling my pulse and have started back with the racing heart. I hope this is something I can overcome. It seems like when I start to do the least bit better, something happens and throws me right back down again.

 
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