deenie

I am 45 yrs old today and have been anxious for a large part of my life. Nothing too bad except that over the past 2 yrs, it's caused physical symptoms. Well, after going through infertility and multiple miscarriages in my late 30s, having lots of bad medical luck during that time and finally two children after the age of 40, I've come to the conclusion that until I get time to exercise a lot more and get more "me" time, meds are the way to go. I just can't get a handle on the anxiety any other way. I've tried therapy, hypnosis, etc. but I still have insomnia, anxiety, breathlessness, etc.

My psych prescribed Buspirone (10 mg. 2x/day) which I've been on for about 9 mos. It seemed to help but now I'm not so sure. I still have obsessive thoughts over my health. I am healthy but when I started getting weird symptoms a few years ago, coupled with the realization that bad things can happen to me, it started getting out of control. I've always been a worrier and go from pimple to tumor in two seconds flat. Now that I finally have the children I've always wanted, I worry about them, my heatlh, DH's. I'm always afraid it will be taken away from me.

My psych had mentioned meds for the obsessive thoughts but I hesitate to try them because I don't need the sexual side effects. As it is, it's hard for DH and I to carve out any time for ourselves and with insomnia, my desire is non-existant as it is. Then I wonder if it could get any worse...but still, when we have sex, it's possible. I'd hate to lose that too. Maybe the trade off is worth it.

Today I'm waiting for repeat bloodwork that checked for high potassium levels. I had a physical over 2 yrs ago and the Dr. had seen slightly elevated levels and it sent up a red flag. Now I just had a physical and it came back slightly elevated again. He didn't worry since he says it happened to his wife and can have to do with lab error and how they process the sample or how they take the blood. He had me do it a certain way at a lab downstairs from him office on Tues. that would give a truer reading. It was at an hematology/oncology practice...talk about anxiety provoking! I was told the results would be in yesterday but, of course, they didn't get them. So here I sit on my bday panicking about bad news. He says most likely it's a big nothing but he wants to check it out. The thing is, if it's high, it could be something serious like adrenal problems (Addison's) or kidney disease. He doesn't see anything else troubling in my bloodwork which is comforting but I dread the thought of getting more tests or hearing anything but, "all is fine. It must've been lab error." I've been panicking since last week.

It's just that I've had times now where a Dr. has given me horrible news like when my 8 wk old pg ended when they couldn't find a heartbeat anymore and my 2 subsequent miscarriages. Of course I've had good outcomes too and things have been fine more times than not but it's hard for me to shake what COULD be.

My meds are doing nothing for that now and the Clonazepam .5 as needed doesn't do anything but make me tired. What do you think? Any other experiences like this out there. How do you handle it? Thanks.

P.S. sorry this is so long