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Old 08-16-2007, 01:12 PM   #1
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afraid of going crazy, truely crazy

so ive had anxiety/depression for about 8 years now. im only 25, healthy (to the best of my knowledge and according to every health test ive had, and ive had a lot) but i still have a LOT of health anxiety. i have been a hypochondriac consistently for about 8 years as well, it's due to the physical symtoms of anxiety. when i first started having panic attacks, i didnt know what they were and i convinced myself there was something physically wrong with me. even though my doctors couldn't find anything physically wrong with me i was still convinced there WAS something wrong.

i feel like my anxiety comes and goes, for days/weeks i'll be totally fine, clear headed, "normal" (if that's actually possible), and just in a healthy state of mind. it's good times like these that i'll tell myself that it's just anxiety and i just need to relax. i almost laugh at myself for being so stupid to think it was something more than anxiety.

it's the bad times like now that my anxiety is soooo bad, i actually feel like i am going crazy. people use that term "going crazy" all too loosely. but now i actually feel like i'm going crazy. i sit there on my couch and get a really scared feeling of anxiety and then all of a sudden a thought will pop into my head that says "youre going crazy" and i'll feel crazy! does anyone else get this feeling? please i really hope someone else feels this. it's the worst part of my anxiety. i can take heart palpitations and dizziness any day but the second i start to feel like im going crazy, i lose it. i have a very bad fear that my anxiety will completely take over one day and i will in fact go crazy.

i am a sane and educated human being. for all of my life i have been totally "normal" now, these past 8 years have really taken a toll on me. i am only 25 and i feel like i lead the life of a 80 year old. i dont want to go out, i just want to stay in a sleep. it's horrible.

anyone relate to this?

 
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Old 08-16-2007, 03:15 PM   #2
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Re: afraid of going crazy, truely crazy

Have you been to a therapist to talk? Have you tried any medications to help you along?

there are so many books and programs that can help you get thru these times.

Claire weeks (sp) has some great books that have help alot of us on this site.

 
Old 08-16-2007, 05:17 PM   #3
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Re: afraid of going crazy, truely crazy

heh, Well if you makes you feel any better your not alone.

thats exactly what my problem is. I have very bad anxiety also.. its pretty much self induced.

I sit around when im bored or not busy and think of random crap and end up telling myself im not normal for thinking it.. and that mabey im crazy .. and all that stuff.

I've been dealing with anxiety for about 8 years. I've learned to deal with the other stuff that would bother me like.. not being able to swallow, shortness of breath, health anxiety and all that. Now its strictly mental.

The only thing that freaks me out to the point of a panic attack is the thought of being crazy. You gotta learn to let that go and just not think about it.

Its hard i know.. but YOUR NOT CRAZY. And if your anything like me your saying "well mabey this guy is like me! wow im not crazy.. (and then like 1 min later your thinking "but wait.. mabey hes just noraml and thinks im like him.. but really.. I am crazy.. oh god why am i thinking this!! omg omg im crazy") Like i said its not easy but if you keep beating yourself up and being hard on yourself your never gonna get over it.

 
Old 08-16-2007, 09:06 PM   #4
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Re: afraid of going crazy, truely crazy

eloise, Yes, I can relate. And yes, it's horrible (or was). I can throw in some more descriptions from my past; a hideous mental loop of anxiety and panic producing thoughts, a terrible gloom and doom that can't be put into words, hopelessness, darkness, total uncertainty about the future, etc. I could go on, but those probably get the point across, in that it's a rough, rough road for someone to go down. But guess what? I now wouldn't trade that period of time for anything! I believe more than ever now, that things happen for a reason - to move us forward in life, for personal growth. What started out for me as a fear of panic attacks, quickly turned into a fear of going crazy (from my more recent research, the worse that is going to happen is that we're going to make ourselves highly uncomfortable (understatement) but we're not going to go insane or crazy). This unfounded fear of possibly going crazy would lead to more anxiety and panic, which would, in turn, lead to even stronger thoughts that I was headed toward going crazy, thus more anxiety, and on and on it went. That's what I meant by the hideous loop of thoughts mentioned above.

As truly messed up as things seem right now, you can not only turn things around, but you can come through this better off than you've ever been before. Other areas of your life can benefit as well, and you can carry your new "tools" with you for the rest of your life. Trust me on that! Hanging tough at the beginning and gaining confidence are a couple of the keys. If you haven't already, go to the "anxiety tips" section and see my thread titled "My Suggestions For Anxiety.......) Others have good suggestions on that thread as well.

By the way, this fear of going crazy is a lot more common than many realize. I now know many who have this fear. Some have had it for many, many years, yet not one of them has ever went "crazy", but they do create a lot of anxiety, and sometimes panic, for themselves. This fear of going crazy is actually classified under "agoraphobia". Some think "agoraphobia" means being confined to their house, but that is only the end result for some people, but not what defines that particular phobia. Keep us posted. Steve

 
Old 08-16-2007, 10:21 PM   #5
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spurs279 HB User
Re: afraid of going crazy, truely crazy

If it makes you feel any better the thought of going crazy is a pretty common symptom of anxiety and panic. When my anxiety and panic attacks first started happening the "going crazy" symptom was definitely the most bothersome. I've noticed that the better my anxiety gets, the better the symptom gets. Just wanted to let you know that you're not alone.

 
Old 08-17-2007, 09:01 AM   #6
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Re: afraid of going crazy, truely crazy

thank you guys for responding. it's not nice that some of you are having similar thoughts but it is nice knowing that im not alone. alexander84, that is exactly how my train of thought goes. its very unrelenting and unfounded. i just get so scared sometimes from my anxiety and the fact that there is nothing physically wrong with me but i feel like *hit all the time so it's confusing to my brain. yes i have been to therapy and down the medication route. ive been on ALL the medications out there, and now im on klonopin. i love klonopin but im trying to not take it, i dont want to be dependent on anything and am really trying to get through this by being strong. i have a lot going on in my life right now and that's probably what is making my anxiety soooo bad. thanks for all your responses, it's nice to know im not alone out there.

 
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