The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. You seem to know this, understanding how debilitating anxiety can actually be.
Unfortunately, you are stuck here because you are afraid to take the next step; treatment. The catch-22 about anxiety and panic disorders is that physiological imbalances in your brain put these thoughts in your head that make you fear change and treatment. They make you believe that you cannot get better. Or that meds or therapy can only make it worse.
I was an anti-meds person until it affected my life to the point where I couldn't function. I literally could not drive down the road. That was a low for me. I was determined to get better. I sucked it up, went to a psychiatrist. He prescribed meds. I refused to take the full dosage he prescribed, but I did take some. The side effects were bad, but tolerable.
Per his wishes, I went to therapy. I learned a bunch of 'hooey' about relaxation techniques and reliving traumas.
A week later, I felt I was the same. But I noticed I hadn't gotten any worse. So I was like, 'What the heck? Let's stick with it.'
That was the best decision I made in my life. The meds began to work. The bizarre thoughts and fears and panic flashes I had began to dilute. Therapy began to work. Hypnotherapy and EMDR began to expose my past traumas and 'rewire' my brain. Things were getting better.
We have to realize that our anxiety problems are manifested over MANY years of trauma and/or physiological imbalances. Years. I guess I thought it should be resolved by taking a few pills in a week. But it doesn't work like that. You have to rebalance the chemical levels in your brain. That's what the meds do. Then, you have to process the traumas you have sustained in life. That's what the therapy is for.
Don't believe for a second you don't know how to cope. You are fighting a battle you can't win. Your brain has been rewired by bad experiences and low levels of this chemical and too much of another. Trying to tough it out doesn't work. If you have a heart problem, you don't say, 'Oh, it'll go away. I'll tough it out.' You do that, know what happens?
No, you get your heart checked. If it's a faulty valve, you get it repaired. If it's a clogged artery, you get a stint. The brain is exactly the same. The only difference is anxiety disorders affect our ability to think clearly and objectively. And I believe, that is where you are at. And most of us have been there.
I'll just say until you accept that you must have treatment to get better, you will stay exactly where you're at now. And you can be so much better to yourself and those around you if you just choose to accept help.
Get better and let us know what happens.