Re: The need to be in control only works for a short time....
Have you had any therapy at all. or are you taking any meds to help you through this?
As you seem to be agrophobic i would seriously consider getting some medical help somehow. Otherwise you will struggle along and life will pass you by, when you will get better if only you go and ask for help. Make that step forward, you will feel better for doing it, and be on the road to recovery. Good luck.