This question is directed towards other people who deal with Social Anxiety or know about it... how can I help my boyfriend to understand my problem? It's like he's always mad that I never wanna go out, that I'm not outgoing, that I'm not too friendly to his family. I tried to explain to him that I have a problem but he just doesn't get it, I tried to tell him that it's not my fault and I can't help the way I am. I am going to try to seek help for this because it's getting to the point where it's controlling my life, I went to a doctor for it 4 or 3 years ago but stopped going. It seems to be getting worse as I get older, I'm 18 years old and I'm learning to live on my own, but it's hard to do certain things because of my social phobia. I just wish I could make my boyfriend understand and make him stop thinking I'm just lazy and rude and not motivated to do anything with my life. Thanks for any replies.
Is there somthing he is affraid of? compare your phobia to his and how you have to deal with it on a daily basis. You could get him to read/research your phobia which would help him understand and let him know there is a cure for it could motivate him to try and understand it more, that is if he has a problem with you not being outgoing etc. It took a very long time for me to make my family understand what i was going through, about a year to get my mum to take me to the doctors as i was too scared to go on my own. She always said i was 'Just shy' or 'Its just your age' :S not fun. But now i assume she understands it more as she less pushy when it comes to things that involve socialising.
Last edited by ms_mod; 09-01-2007 at 07:17 PM.
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i agree with prince. Maybe you should show your boyfriend something (like a website) that explains social anxiety so he has a bit more understanding about it. When you saw your doctor, did he prescribe you any meds? I have been suffering with social anxiety for years but only just realised that i had a problem and went to see my dr. He prescribed me some tablets (citalopram, celexa) which i have been taking for 6 days. I definately feel a small difference because i have found that i can actually look at people and smile and chat to people a bit, although the anxiety is still there a bit but i have only been taking them for 6 days yet so i'll just have to see how it goes. I know how you feel about people not understanding what it's like, my family always seemed to think i was lazy because i never tried hard to get a job or i couldn't hold one down for long and i also don't have any friends but i'm hoping that will soon change.
Last edited by ms_mod; 09-02-2007 at 06:02 AM.
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I think that people who don't suffer from a certain phobia have a hard time understanding how anyone could fear such things. For example I dont' understand how my mother is scared of birds, but it's because a Chicken jumped into the hood of her coat and flapped it's wings around her face, when she was a child. So now I understand why she is so fearfull. I also have social anxiety and I avoid people, and people think I'm this weirdo just because of it.
Thanks for your suggestions, showing him some info on the problem would probably help him understand better. It just causes problems in our relationship sometimes cuz he always wants to go out and do this and do this and I'm always like well I'll just stay home. When I went to the doctor, well he was just a regular doctor so he said I'd have to go talk to a counselor before I could get meds. I didn't wanna talk to a counselor therefor I didn't go. I've been trying to just force myself to be more social but I just can't make the feelings go away. I don't have any friends either...
Well you know what..i am printing this thread so my boyfriend can read it!
PERFECT...My man also does not "get it" He just does not understand that it's for real FEAR that hits me. My heart locks up..i am genuinely feeling fear. He has recently thrown it in my face. And i know he does not understand! People who don't have it can't understand how going to a store or out to dinner causes anxiety. In our heads logically we know we will not be harmed going shopping..but what takes over? What makes the fear so real?
Just to let you know I am 34 and YES it does get worse with age. I have just started on meds. 5 days ago for the first time in my life because i am tired of being tired and i am tired of always worrying...there is always something to be anxious about. I just want to be.
Yeah it is horrible I know it is a little selfish but I am thankful for the internet to know there is allot of people out there with it. I think it would make it fully unbearable if I was the only one which I have thought for 16 years because of the type of people we are it’s not something that is talked out in the open much. General fears are heard of but most people don’t have a fear they have to face everyday. I am sure if they were surrounded by something they were afraid of they would feel pretty overwhelmed as well. I have taken meds in the past Zoloft and prozac but they weren’t as affective as I would of liked them to be. I haven’t been taking anything for a long time but I may go back on something.
It took along time for my family to understand and even now they get frustrated from time to time because it seems like to them that I will do something’s but not the things they want me to do but they don’t realize what my body and mind has to go through to achieve those things. I will feel like I need a sleep after spending 30 minutes out in public because anxiety takes up so much energy. Best of luck with explaining it to your bf maybe if he sees there are others out there like you he will realize it’s a real problem not something your doing just because you feel like it.
I think that people who do not have anxiety in these form can truly understand. Or maybe the best way to put it is empathize....(?)
My husband just does not "get it" with my fears/anxiety. I found the more I look for his understanding.. the more I became anxious. So, I just don't try so hard anymore to get his "apporval".When we get in a situation that I feel uncomfortable I just say, You know how I am.
I have just recently began a medication program because (to be honest with you ) I am just beginning to be honest with myself. For years I just thought I was weak. I did not know that what I was going through did not have to be normal for me.
I am working on myself and the things that trigger my feelings of anxiety in addition to medication, it has got to get better. (right??)
Until then I allow myself the comfort of being me without feeling guilty about it and move on the best I can.
"I am just beginning to be honest with myself"....i so understand. I am finally taking control of what has controlled me. Since i have always felt this way, i figured it was normal. So funny how i can think back as a little girl and going places how i would get sick to my stomach and feel like i was gasping for air.
I too have just started meds for the first time ever and i am a little excited about it. I could not handle this controlling my life anymore. I am so ready to live and be happy..and have that cloud lifted from my life. I don't know what i will do with all my free time once I am not constantly worrying about things.
I'm OK in small groups of people but I start to panic when I'm in a huge gathering (like a company function where there are 500-plus people in attendance). I discovered I have Meniere's disease so overstimulation for me can lead to panic attacks and severe bouts of vertigo.
I hear the best way to overcome your fears is to confront them but I know that I am terrified of being in a huge group and its even worse when its people I don't know (even in small groups, sometimes). I'm fine being in a room with strangers (a restaurant, etc..) as long as I don't have to interact with anyone.
I am beginning prozac and hoping it works. First 2 days a little depressed and tired. Felt good, today a bit anxious.
Sometimes I get in groups of people and dread having to talk. Just figured it was that I was a people watcher. Often when the phone rings at home I dread picking it up cuz I don't want to talk at all One of my big fears is driving to a place I've never been because I am afraid I'll get lost. Just thought it was something I had to deal with.
All of these anxious feelings make it very difficult when you have 2 growing children who need to go places! Sad thing is I think my oldest daughter has this as well.
I am on day 6 of Wellbutrin..so far i have mild side effects. I can kind of feel what the drug is trying to do...but think after a few weeks i would need to increase dose. Yesterday migraines were bad but nothing today. I do feel a little more awake (but still yawning) I have insomnia so i really do not sleep.
Hopefully this med can keep me going during the day in order to pass out at night.
I am so happy i found this site..."MY ISSUE" finally feels validated.
I know exactly what you mean.. the feeling of not wanting to go out, be near people, even if you know them or have met them alot.
I am engaged and have been with my partner now for almost 3 years but i still cringe when he asks me to go to his parents house for dinner, or go to his friends christening etc.
He doesn't fully understand why i feel this way dispite my trying to tell him how it feels for me,
it is hard, but i think pushing yourself to do little things, baby steps if you will, to get yourself back into the social side of things will help.
As hard as it feels, there is only you who can make you do things.
Only you who can tell yourself... that being out, even if its just for half an hour will make you feel a little better.
I avoid going out at the best of times, but when i get there and relax (eventually) i feel glad that i have done it, and it makes me feel a little better about myself.
Just take deep breathes and try to relax,
and remember.... YOU are as good as everyone else!
I hope this finds you well, and helps you like it has me xxx