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Old 08-15-2008, 06:31 AM   #1
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Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: maryland
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becks68 HB User
Questioning Every Decision

Hi. I'm new here but not new to anxiety. I can remember back as early as third grade agonizing over every decision and feeling like every missed opportunity was going to be the end of the world. Now at 40 rationally I know better but the feelings of absolute panic and anxiety are the same.

I'm in a long distance relationship which is tough on anyone, but with my anxiety it is a killer. Trying to decide between visits if we should continue to see each other, if one of us should move across country to be with the other, if we could really make it long term, etc etc. Every time we make plans to see each other I get so filled with anxiety that I almost cancel.

I also do animal rescue. I have two dogs of my own but I'm currently fostering a 7 month old dog for a week. I foster fairly often and although I get attached, I can usually let them go, knownig that i have more than enough animals and that this one isn't right for me. This guy has touched me in a way that few ever do. He's a St Bernard mix and is so gentle and intelligent. He's like a sponge, learning more every day and so grateful for every bit of attention. He's big and goofy and loving and I'm so very taken with him that I can't stand that thought of him going to another home. I rent a room to a woman who loves animals as well and she helps me immensely with mine, but she admits that adding this one would be too much.

Tomorrow I leave for my boyfriend's. Today is killing me. I keep thinking that if I didn't go on my trip I could stay home and not take the dog back. My roommate has enough on her hands taking care of my two dogs and the cats that are here. She has made it clear that she doesn't want to take care of a foster dog while I'm gone. So instead of being excited about 16 days with the man I love, I'm worried that I'm making all the wrong decisions by taking the dog back to his original foster home, by going away for that many days, for leaving my roommate to take care of my place, etc etc.

This questioning of every decision and horrible anxiety is really affecting my life. I used to be a happy person most of the time and only felt anxious a couple of times a year when a big decision would come up. Then I went through several family illnesses, deaths, and my own divorce from 2002 - 2005 and since then it seems like as soon as one anxiety-causing issue is resolved it is replaced with another.

For example, I worry that if my guy and I get married as we've discussed that I'll realize it was a mistake and will have to go through another divorce. My divorce almost devastated me. But my boyfriend understands exactly how my mind works and is able to be patient and work through these fears with me. So I'm starting to learn to lean on him and accept his support. Then I worry that he will get tired of my anxiety and that will ruin our relationship and I'll lose him, leading to another divorce. My mind never stops running through these scenerios. I don't trust my judgement on anything.

Then when I decide that I want to go spend a significant amount of time with my boyfriend and we book a 15 day trip for me to go there I meet this wonderful dog who makes me laugh and is so wonderful. To go see my boyfriend means giving this guy up.

I just want some peace and happiness. It makes me want to stop reaching out and trying to find relationships or to help animals. Staying to myself would be much easier.

Last edited by becks68; 08-15-2008 at 06:43 AM.

 
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Old 08-15-2008, 10:15 AM   #2
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Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Idaho
Posts: 930
Lindaru HB User
Re: Questioning Every Decision

Becks . . . is there anyone else that can watch your foster dog for you while you are gone? Perhaps a family with children that can play with him? We are fortunate here to have most of our family close together so that if someone has to go on a trip, husband and I are usually the ones that take care of the dogs for them while they are gone.

The only other suggestion I would have and it would depend on how good the place is would be to board the dog while you are gone in a kennel. This way you could have him after you get back.

Let us know how it goes!

Lindaru

 
Old 11-24-2010, 05:47 PM   #3
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: pittsburgh/los angeles
Posts: 3
splitbylove HB User
Re: Questioning Every Decision

wow becks, you and i are going through very very similar situations. replace your dogs with my family and its pretty close. when someone has such extreme anxieties like you and i, figuring out how to think clearly becomes extremely difficult. I would say that i can see more of a root issue in your case though. you seam to not be able to forget about your divorce and forgive yourself. i can imagine that it was extremely difficult but i think (atleast from reading your post) that this is your main issue. The dogs provide a level of comfort. I think you need to think about what you really want..a relationship with a dog, or one with a man that can give you real love in return. I love my dog very much so i can see how you have found comfort in an animal, but if this relationship appears to be going well with this man then it has the potential to blossom into something much more than an animal could provide. hope that helps some.

Last edited by splitbylove; 11-24-2010 at 05:50 PM.

 
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