Hi all...ive used this board on and off for about 6 years now and find it a big help when i need it.
Ive suffered with anxiety and depression for so long now... probably even as a child.. i was thinking about my childhood last night and remembered me being in the car with my mum and saying "mum i feel really happy at the moment, like ive got no worries or anything on my mind" - that made me quite sad. But in a way it helped me to realise that i have always been this way - lately i have been struggling to find out why i am unhappy... why i get anxious and trying to stop it...
I want to write though about how i anylise everything... every single mood im in i worry about, im constantly questioning why i feel a certain way - and i notice everytime my mood changes throughout the day. Sometimes i can feel quite confident and very talkative and mature, other times i feel very timid and cant quite have the same conversations with the same people as before... i then start to worry what they must think of me for being so changeable all the time... i have a huge fear of being judged by people and i seem to feel nervous around some people if i think they are more of a judgmental character...even if i dont know them... then i worry what they think of me for being timid and strange... i dont know if this is just a normal part of everyone or do most people feel the same way throughout the day?
i feel very uneasy around some people if i think i cant truat them.. its not like i think they will hurt me or anything, almost like a feeling that they arent that good.... and its stopping me from being happy... i try to use cbt to help with this, i will look for evidence to try help me to relax around them.... but then a fear that i am mixing with the wrong crowd or im not being completely true to myself comes up.... i feel very confused about life at the moment.... i live on my own, i do have some good friends but i am even struggling to keep good relationships with them now.... i find i cant completely be myself, dont know what to talk about to them... cant quite look them in the eye when talking...i guess i feel i have to b happy and fun around them all the time... and i cant keep it up... but i dont want to go on about how miserabl;e i am. Im only 26 , fairly attractive and own my own place and have a job... i just find life so hard and i guess i just want someone to talk to who can relate....
You sound a lot like me, especially when I was younger. I wonder if this is an obsessive type disorder.
I started feeling more comfortable with myself, and felt less vulnerable when I got married. Becoming more financially secure also made me feel less vulnerable.
I'll bet as you mature, become more stable, both emotionally and financially, you'll not care about what other people think.
Last edited by ms_mod; 10-16-2008 at 08:39 AM.
Reason: Changed language. If you know a word is questionable enough that you must edit it, then choose a different word.
I dont have any sort of anxiety disorder, so I can't totally relate to how you feel. But I do tend to just think and dwell on things too much if I have too much time alone. I have found that I need to get out and be around others to keep my mind quiet. I now do some volunteer work. It takes my focus off of ME and directs it towards helping others. So what if you try to distract your mind by doing some other things?
i feel very uneasy around some people if i think i cant truat them.. its not like i think they will hurt me or anything, almost like a feeling that they arent that good.... and its stopping me from being happy... i try to use cbt to help with this, i will look for evidence to try help me to relax around them.... but then a fear that i am mixing with the wrong crowd or im not being completely true to myself comes up.... i feel very confused about life at the moment.... i live on my own, i do have some good friends but i am even struggling to keep good relationships with them now.... i find i cant completely be myself, dont know what to talk about to them... cant quite look them in the eye when talking...i guess i feel i have to b happy and fun around them all the time... and i cant keep it up... but i dont want to go on about how miserabl;e i am. Im only 26 , fairly attractive and own my own place and have a job... i just find life so hard and i guess i just want someone to talk to who can relate....
thanks for listening
bubbly
Your story and mine are identical. I am anxious all the time and cannot seem to relax. I feel that I have to put on a good face for everybody I see and I just cannot be myself. I live alone also and find it hard to make friends because of my constant over analysing everything I do, everything I say. I even have to think carefully about what I am going to say and adjust it to what I think people want to hear. Why can't I be spontaneous? I've been this way all my life. I rethink everything I do and this overanalysis is a pain. Why can't I be just me? I overthink every ache and pain. I've been to more doctors than I can count but everything checks out just fne. My stress and anxiousness makes any of my symptoms appear so huge to me. You are not alone, my friend. I have ben down this road often and am still travelling this horrendous highway. I truly hope we can sort out some answers.
